If I only had one thing to say about the show last night it would be this…
Lucky for my few diehard Bachelorette fans, I have a little more to say about last night.
The rest of you, please kindly suffer through 2 more weeks.
Then, I promise I’m breaking up with the show.
Right after I watch Bachelor Pad.
But I swear I’m not watching anymore Bachelorette.
Because fool me once, fool me 6 times (this is Season 6, right?), this thing is scripted and ridiculous and at least all The Housewives in any city on Bravo don’t even pretend to be anything except really fun, bad TV!
Let’s get the Frank segments out of the way right now.
Two segments = DOUBLE ICKY.
Could we have not wrapped his segment up in the beginning so we didn’t have to watch his dramatic screenwriting debut entitled…
Her and I
That would be “Her and I” part 1, “Her and I” part 2, “Her and I” part 3, “Her and I” part 4…
Oh never mind, I lost count.
His issues do make me feel better about my issues.
He went on a show to find love but he was really already secretly in love with someone else.
Oh wait, this is all scripted and he is a screenwriter testing out his first love story starring…
Her and I.
He has obviously cast himself in the lead role.
Screenwriter and actor.
Beefing up the resume for sure.
OMGoodness. I’m driving Lizzie to Charleston in 2 weeks. Because if she did pick him, I’m sure they have broken up by now.
Roberto’s sweat stains did concern me, I’m not going to lie. Thinking he could have put on a fresh t-shirt and a little more deodorant before Ali arrived to hug him and lean her head into his armpit.
Oh wait, she didn’t have time to wash her hair anyway…
Other than the sweat and he did look like he was melting down at the rose ceremony, he couldn’t get any cuter. He’s just a lovely young man and will make a fine son-in-law.
Lizzie, get in the car.
Did his mom die?
I’m sorry to hear, really I am.
But I’m also sorry that I’ve heard that 327 times since the show has been on these past 9 weeks. That means, on average 36.3333 times, on EVERY show they mention it. I have mad math skillz.
The only two words that Chris knows how to describe Ali.
He seems pretty amazing and awesome in spite of his lack of a thesaurus.
I don’t like how she has drawn him out to be vulnerable and say everything she wants to hear about her desperate need to be loved because I don’t think she was even going to give him a rose until Frank bailed on her.
She may have more issues than Frank.
The Rose Ceremony
A.K.A. Allie’s Power Trip
You know the one where she doesn’t just give a rose to the guys but where they have to accept the rose and declare that they are there for the right reasons and they want her and only her and they need to say it OUT LOUD and not feel weird that they are standing next to each other and have slept with the same woman a mere 24 or 48 hours apart and everything feels icky and…
Does anyone else feel like they are both amazing and awesome and too good for Ali and her incessant giggling and then bawling because Frank could have been the one?
But oh wait, I think I’m psychic and this is what I heard Ali say (in her head) just before the rose ceremony:
“I’m going to pull it together and force them to ACCEPT these two roses and be my sloppy seconds and thirds until Frank comes to his senses.”
“Or until I get a job at ABC on Entertainment Tonight.”
“Which will hopefully pay for an apartment and I have totally overcome my fear of flying so maybe Jake and I will get back together now that The Sausage is done with him.”
“And then we’ll both get our own reality show about how we’re still looking for
love fame in all the wrong places…”