The Bachelorette ~ Week 5

Amazing. Incredible. Extraordinary. Insane.

Ali has a large, descriptive vocabulary. Well-suited for her new career as TV entertainment journalist.

The love poem segment made me cringe.

Frank – hot tip for next poem…

Don’t include the past love you went abroad with and had your heart broken in the poem about the new girl.

One on one date with Kirk – I’m still not sure about the whole health scare story. Is he okay now? They do seem to have chemistry. Still my pick for the final three.

My only group date comment: What kind of horses were those? They looked like Shetland Ponies and I’m pretty sure you’re not suppose to ride them unless you are two and at a carnival. They definitely looked too small to hold adult people. Poor Craig had a miniature pony for sure!

Stalker Central

Kasey came on the show to retrieve his lost man card but sadly, he left without it. I’m not sure he’ll ever find it.

Guard and protect are two key words that Ali should take very seriously.

Upon the big reveal of The Tattoo, I think Ali really struggled to not scream at the top of her lungs,

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”

Instead she politely said “Your mom is going to kill you.”

Nice save.

Now call the police and ask them to guard and protect you indefinitely.

Pretty sure her snot was freezing in her scarf as she hid her face while she contemplated her safety if she gave Justin the rose.

What if Kasey killed them on top of that glacier and no one ever found their bodies?

Oh wait, this is all being filmed so we are safe.

Unless he kills the camera crew too.

Before the rose ceremony…

Frank crying and Ali liking it was all wrong.

She wants these guys to beg to get to love, love, love her.

Icky.

Craig drawing his own tattoo was kind of funny and they’ll be friends forever.

Chris N. – Who was this guy? How did he slip in without the show producers noticing? He talked twice. The poem and the end. Which, coincidentally, were the only times he talked in five weeks.

He forgot his lines in the poem reading. Did someone say they had to memorize it?

“He’s so funny” is what past girlfriends would tell her about him.

FUNNY? SERIOUSLY?

That was awkward.

Ali’s poker face is not holding up too well. Now that was funny.

I hope he rewinds the tape when he gets home because he said he thought it felt NATURAL and he was confident he was getting a rose after they sat four feet apart on the couch and hugged without any body contact which is actually impossible.

I’m still feeling awkward about it.

Chris L. – He’ll collect garbage and live in San Fran with her. Confident without being cocky. He’s still in my top three.

Roberto – Ali asks, “Would you have approached me if we weren’t in this setting?”

I thought that was a great question…until she followed up with “I would never have talked to you. I would have thought you were too hot for me.”

“Can I reveal more of my insecurities about myself to the world? Does this make me more lovable and cute? Should I wash my hair this week?”

This is a teachable moment for mothers and daughters and I need to discuss this whole exchange with the darling twins.

Thank you Dr. Chris Harrison for evaluating the patient and diagnosing her fear of love and how she has to “let it go.”

Trust yourself Ali.

I think she’s cured because the doctor reality TV host called her out on the fear that “is such a controlling factor” in her life.

Do we all feel better now?