School Illness Guidelines

I considered password protecting this post. Mostly because PhilBillPaul thinks my our new guidelines might be illegal.

I beg to differ.

I’m trying to impart the importance of regular school attendance and knowing when someone is really sick and should stay home. It’s been a real battle here with child #4 and we’re doing all we can to find a balance between tough love and empathy.

When she was home last week, I asked her to write an essay and pretend she was the mom and she had a daughter that she thought was pretending to be sick.

Shades of homeschooling days gone by. A little writing exercise never hurt anyone. I also know writing can be cathartic and maybe I’d be able to glean some nuggets about why she wanted to stay home.

Here are a few direct quotes from her essay and what I learned:

“If my daughter was sick all the time, I would at least have an ounce of sympathy.”
I am not a good nurse.

“Happiness, laughter and a LOVING atmosphere are great medicines.”
I am not a good nurse.

“Trust is an important component.”
Her writing level clearly exceeds her age. What eleven year-old uses the word component?

Essay: A
Mom skills: D-

New Guidelines for Being Sick & Staying Home From School

We obviously need to establish some new guidelines so that I can improve my nursing skills. I explained that first I need to know for sure that she is sick and then I could be much more sympathetic.

With a straight face, I shared these 2 two new criteria with her. I explained that these things would make her think first if she was really feeling bad enough to miss school or perhaps she should tough it out.

These two criteria also cover the very real concern, “Is she contagious?” because I have never wanted to send a contagious kid to school and I appreciate other mothers who do not do that!

1) Rectal temperature taking
I’ve heard it’s very accurate. This is my suggestion because this kid has been known to turn a heating pad on high while lying under an electric blanket on high, sit way too close to a hot lamp, and generally try to make herself sweat and get hot on more than one occasion in order to feign illness. And I don’t even think she’s ever seen Ferris Bueller.

2) Parental confirmation of throw up
We need to confirm that she didn’t gag and spit so one of us needs to SEE it. Very different than actually throwing up. Guess which parent will have to do the viewing? Enough said because I’m getting sick typing this.

Just for the record, Scary Baby’s response to the first one was,
“Riiiiight mom!!!! Like you’re going to buy a butt thermometer?!!!”

I answered, again with a straight face,
“I own one and will be glad to show it to you when we get home.”

Truth: While I do own a rectal thermometer because the hospital gave me one with baby #1 and I don’t want to throw it away with that dangerous mercury in it, I have never used it and don’t plan on it.

She insisted on seeing it. Here’s what PhilBillPaul dug out of the bathroom drawer.

Hmmm, what year did Phar-Mor close? When did anything cost 69¢?

I loved the packaging on the back so much I had to scan it so you all could read it. Especially that last sentence.

For the record, this is a giant _______ “starts with b and ends with an f” on my part. Hope you can figure that out because she reads the blog.

Open to more suggestions and will report back any recommendations from counseling session.