I Have Issues…

No real surprise for those who know me.

For those who don’t, it’s probably not a real surprise either.

I have written about the fact that I have issues.

I have learned to live with most of them. Some require Valium. Some will require more therapy.

I think writing about my issues will be cheaper than therapy.

I truly believe we all have issues. Some of you may not want to admit it. Some of you are just better at hiding them then I am. My kids would like it if I could keep most of my issues to myself.

Before I tackle a specific issue, I’d like to reveal a little about my fashion sense. It is actually related to this post.

(Which could be a separate issue I’m not going to write about today.)

I just wanted to share this t-shirt that screamed “BUY ME, WEAR ME” last year. I had to shut it up so I bought it.

In fact, I bought this shirt last year because it really did speak to me.

The issue of the day is…

SCISSORS.

I have lost count but a pretty accurate estimate of the number of pairs of scissors that I have purchased since becoming a mother is approximately 972. Since The Grunter is 18, that is an average of 54 scissors per year. Yeah, that seems about right.

I have bought them their own. I have color-coded them and announced their purpose. Kitchen. Scrapbooking. School projects. Sewing. Etc.

Call me crazy but I don’t want to open a hermetically sealed package of bacon with a pair of scissors that have glue and other unidentifiable objects stuck to the blades.

Nor do I want to trim a picture with scissors that have bacon fat on them.

I have hidden them. I have bought them in cases of six. I have them in drawers on all three floors of our house.

When I need a sharp, clean pair, do you think I can open a drawer and they are there?

I have found “MY GOOD SCISSORS” on the front porch, the sidewalk, the backyard, the garage, the stairs, their bedrooms, the bathrooms and various other places.

When I was scanning pictures for Scary Baby’s birthday post, I saw a few pictures that gave me some insight into my scissor issue.

The inappropriate use of scissors started at an early age…

Obviously, I was a rookie scrapbooker and must have had a brand new, shiny pair of scissors that I went a little crazy with. I swear my family albums look a lot better now. It takes a little while to develop your own personal style.

Try to ignore the hack job I did on the pictures and instead, focus on the hack job Roger Leroy did on her twin sister’s hair AND her own. I especially love Wizzy’s expression.

Here’s the excerpt from the photo album of 1995:

Roger Leroy’s Hair Salon Now Open Out of Business

Roger Leroy opened up her shop in our basement on January 24. Her “Grand Opening” was followed immediately with her last and only day of business. Mom shut down the shop. It seems that Wizzy was her first customer after she did a trim job on her own bangs. When Wizzy appeared to show her new haircut, it was quite obvious that Rachel had no formal training and was operating without a license which is illegal in Georgia! Mom screamed and cried and cleaned up the hair–the girls collapsed after a busy day.

History repeated itself in 2003.

Excerpt from that album:

Another Humphreys girl discovers that her chosen vocation should NOT be hairdresser! Scary Baby found a pair of scissors and snuck off to her room to trim her bangs. No twin sister to blame this time. Mom didn’t cry this time and Dad called our family hairdresser to do what she could to “disguise” this very uneven trim job. As we already know, it takes a long time to grow your bangs back!

For some odd reason, we bagged up and photographed the hair. I think PhilBillPaul has it saved somewhere with all their baby teeth.
(Those would be his issues, not mine.)

I think you can see why scissors are a touchy subject at my house.

Life Lesson (LL): It is unhealthy for me to covet scissors like I do.

Share a Life Lesson (SALL): Am I all alone? I’d be honored if you share an issue or two so I could at least tell my kids that other moms have issues too…