Husband Keeps Girlfriend in Garage

Because I feel like we’re all close personal friends and I need to have a tangible record of the dysfunction that is my life, I’m writing this story today.

PhilBillPaul met her in March of this year.

He actually brought her to our house.

She stays in the garage.

I’ve met her. The kids have met her.

Believe it or not, my daughters are very intrigued by her.

Which is awkward and continues to be a BIG problem.

I wasn’t the least bit impressed with her.

She is younger than me.

Whatever.

Though younger doesn’t always mean prettier. Or in better shape.

Apparently her personality made up for what she definitely lacked in the looks department.

Score one more for PhilBillPaul in the Mr. Nice Guy category for not being shallow. Instead, he is obviously attracted to her personality.

Whatever.

Surely I wouldn’t leave you all hanging without showing you a picture or two of this intruder.

She doesn’t even have all her parts.

Lovely, isn’t she?

Lucky for her, PhilBillPaul has spent the past six months with her and has done an “Extreme Makeover” on her.

I’m going out on a limb here and breaking one of my cardinal rules ~ one of my favorite life lessons which is “Never Say Never.”

I will never be friends with her.

I will never understand this relationship.

I will never accept this relationship.

Some of you may have similar relationship struggles.

We’re 4 days away from 21 years of marriage. Please don’t misunderstand.

Our shelves are filled with family albums of wonderful memories of our years together. I am thankful I have recorded the story of our life with words and pictures.

But as many of you know from this blog and most who know me realize I’m just not very good at keeping my feelings hidden. I like to be transparent so no one has to guess where they stand with me.

Let me be perfectly clear when I say I am not jealous of his girlfriend.

Not even a hint of jealousy when he bought a new leather jacket so he could look good while he rides his new girlfriend.

Side note: There was no nice way to say that. I tried. Really I did.

Even though he’ll tell you the jacket is protective gear.

I’m sure his other protective gear is backordered. Leather pants and boots are needed to complete this geeky hot new look.

Oh yeah, I’m hot all right.

But mostly, it just makes me sad.

No one will be able to convince me to support or celebrate his choice.

And I will refrain from telling you the horrific, tragic motorcycle stories that I have personally been affected by.

Because he sold his motorcycle the first year we were married at my insistence and he is now reneging on our agreement.

Because I am a mother with three teenagers driving in a community with too many cars and cell phones and distractions, I cannot be supportive of this choice.

Because I am a mother who was spent these past years trying to teach the kids about all the risks they will face in their lifetime and sometimes choosing the less risky path may not provide as much instant gratification and fun.

Because I am a mother who believes that after you have children, your choices change dramatically and the lifestyle and choices you had as a single person become a fleeting memory.

Because I am a mother and a wife and a head injury survivor, the girlfriend and I are just never going to peacefully co-exist.

Because he doesn’t get a free pass from me when he is knowingly spitting in the face of danger and ignoring my wishes.

Because I have a blog I can announce to the world that if anything happens to him I’m relinquishing my wifely duties because I did not sign up for this.

But please, feel free to continue loving PhilBillPaul and wondering how
“Poor Phil” puts up with me.

I’ll be busy here remembering a man who wore a different leather jacket back in 1987 when he wrapped me up in that jacket to keep me warm and safe in his loving arms…