Rants

I had to bring it back.

I know, I know. Some of you love Typo Tuesday and others do not understand my sick fascination with typos that I find. I really can’t help it ~ it’s a gift.

Or a curse.

Whatever.

I really love my friend Google and consult with him daily. (I think Google is male?) I consider Google to be one of my smartest friends.

This screenshot came from Google Docs which is just one of the many services Google offers. If you haven’t used it yet, try it! Super easy and free. What’s not to love?

I was a little surprised that my friend Google doesn’t have a personal proofreader to catch things like this.

The screenshot was from last week so maybe they’ve fixed it by now. I hope so.

If not, they could hire me to proofread everything they do. They could send it all to me via Google Docs and I can proofread from home. That would be my dream job!

I’ll let you know if they call me…

Y’all know how much I love Facebook.

Not.

But if I had 523 fans or friends or whatever they call them, I could have sent you updates on my life all through Memorial Day weekend while PhilBillPaul was visiting the darling twins in Arizona.

Instead I have this blog and 5 relatives and 12 friends reading so I thought I could give you the recap in the form of my own Facebook Blog Wall…

Disclaimer: I know this is late. I was busy breaking my blog last week and am still fixing some things. Might be the longest post ever. Hang with me – it’s super easy reading!

My DIY Wall Status Updates

SherraLifeLesson Just dropped off PhilBillPaul at Atlanta airport to fly to Arizona to see his darling daughters as we find out his brother is being admitted to hospital for dehydration and some medical tests in Texas.
May 27 at 4:00pm

SherraLifeLesson A stressed PhilBillPaul forwards a text to me from Wizzy as he makes his connecting flight in Dallas because he doesn’t have time to call her sitting on plane. Text says “We are coming to tucson. Call me when ur are in phoenix
May 27 at 9:00pm

SherraLifeLesson Great text Wizzy but he’s not flying to Phoenix. And her great new plan to meet her dad in Tucson instead of Sierra Vista is not all that great. Gee, that’s only eleven minutes after the cancellation policy of the room their travel agent (me) booked for them in Sierra Vista.
May 27 at 9:11pm

SherraLifeLesson Roger Leroy announces in the background that if I can’t find them another hotel, she’s not staying at the Motel Six because people have told her that they have rats. This is unconfirmed but I wouldn’t stay in a Motel Six. Ever. Yes, I’m a hotel snob.
May 27 at 9:11pm

SherraLifeLesson Motel Six was suggested by Wizzy and approved by PhilBillPaul because he and Granny only needed a place to sleep for a few hours before they pick up the darling twins at 6:00 am. A kind front desk clerk at the posh Motel Six took pity on me and canceled the room without charging us.
May 27 at 11:11pm

SherraLifeLesson Our two wiener dogs were neutered the week before. They are now coughing and choking in their crates and start puking. Have I mentioned I don’t do puke? Especially dog puke.
May 27 at 11:32pm

SherraLifeLesson The Grunter comes down to handle the puke. Remember he takes care of poo at the movie theater so he’s way more qualified than I am.
May 27 at 11:47pm

SherraLifeLesson 3 hours on the phone and online with hotels in Tucson trying to find a room. Glad I didn’t have anything else to do.
May 28 at 12:39am

SherraLifeLesson I start researching kennel cough on the internet. I really can’t handle the dogs dying while PhilBillPaul is with the darling twins. They will all blame me forever.
May 28 at 12:45am

SherraLifeLesson Granny calls after she arrives in Tucson to find out what plans have changed since she had 4 frantic phone messages from PhilBillPaul that didn’t make sense and she couldn’t call him since he was in the air flying from Dallas to Tucson.
May 28 at 1:00am

SherraLifeLesson I tell Granny about the choking, coughing, puking dogs and my guess that they contracted kennel cough and she shares that they once got a puppy from a shelter and it had kennel cough. They had to put it down and the shelter had to euthanize all the dogs. Holy cow, the dogs are going to die under my watch…
May 28 at 1:30am

SherraLifeLesson The Grunter comes down to help me serve the dogs a delicious homeopathic kennel cough treatment I’ve mixed up. 8 oz water with tsp of raw honey, splash of lemon juice and 3 eyedroppers of 3% hydrogen peroxide.
May 28 at 2:05am

SherraLifeLesson Relieved to find that kennel cough by itself is not life threatening.
May 28 at 2:15am

SherraLifeLesson Hmmmm, I’m tired.
May 28 at 8:50am

SherraLifeLesson I didn’t have an eyedropper. I looked for a conversion for 3 eyedroppers of hydrogen peroxide and found it to be .03 tsp. I share with The Grunter that I put in a 1/4 tsp. We both realize I have probably poisoned the wiener dogs so if the kennel cough doesn’t kill them, my bad math skills will.
May 28 at 9:30am

SherraLifeLesson I call the vet and explain the dogs’ symptoms. I feel better that we should just watch them and can bring them in on Saturday if they aren’t improving. I didn’t mention the hydrogen peroxide overdose.
May 28 at 10:30am

SherraLifeLesson I hear from the Arizona crew. They are all safely together in Tucson and cannot start their drive to the Grand Canyon until they go back to the airport because they LOST PhilBillPaul’s luggage.
May 28 at 11:00am

SherraLifeLesson Need to focus on a client website design. Scary Baby is being very patient and has decided to re-read the Harry Potter series in her closest while I work.
May 28 at 1:12pm

SherraLifeLesson Third dose of honey/lemon/hydrogen peroxide for the wiener dogs. They seem to be getting better. Future tip: Sticky water is better served on porch than kitchen floor.
May 28 at 7:11pm

SherraLifeLesson The Grunter comes home from work and talks about some relationship stress that has been unfolding in the past week.
May 29 at 11:38pm

SherraLifeLesson The Grunter is standing in my bedroom in all his late night chattiness and as the fierce, coughing wiener dogs go ballistic barking, he says “Did you hear that? It sounds like someone is tapping on a window on the porch.”
May 30 at 1:10am

SherraLifeLesson A broad daylight break-in in our neighborhood 4 days earlier causes me to dial 911 without hesitation.
May 30 1:30am

SherraLifeLesson 911 operator wants me to look out window and see if I see anything. Isn’t this how people get shot?
May 30at 1:32am

SherraLifeLesson Police arrive within 15 minutes. He says he’ll go in backyard and check our property but does ask if there are dogs back there. I assure him that the barking wiener dogs are impersonating dobermans in their crates and actually weigh about 15 pounds each.
May 30 at 1:45am

SherraLifeLesson Police officer returns to say windows and doors are secure but asks “Do you know you have broken glass in the driveway?”
May 30 at 1:55am

SherraLifeLesson After inspecting the mess of broken glass, The Grunter and I refrain from saying, “Why yes, we break glass in our driveway every night at 1:30 am.”
May 30 at 2:10am

SherraLifeLesson Now that we’ve swept up the broken glass, can I please, please, please get a few hours sleep?
May 30 at 2:30am

SherraLifeLesson Scary Baby & I went to early dinner and shopping as reward for her patience and help with dogs in this crazy weekend. Do people have to sit on the same side of the booth and make out during a meal? Icky.
March 31 at 4:35pm

SherraLifeLesson Text from PhilBillPaul…”Tucson flight delayed due to mechanical problems. Mom is now in gate reassuring everyone by screaming we need a new plane! ”
June 1 at 1:18pm

SherraLifeLesson Text from PhilBillPaul…”Jk about mom screaming ”
June 1 at 1:19pm

SherraLifeLesson Text from PhilBillPaul…”Flight cancelled. Rebooked thru AA connection chicago tomorrow arrive at 11:55 pm”
June 1 at 1:18pm

SherraLifeLesson Gosh that’s a convenient time to arrive.
June 1 at 1:25pm

SherraLifeLesson Text from PhilBillPaul…”Flight change again. Better time. Arrive at 4:12 pm. Going to hotel, thanks for good idea of asking for hotel voucher.”
June 1 at 2:30pm

SherraLifeLesson Migraine fun. Wonder why? Took meds at 2:00 am and 4:30 am. Feeling fabulous. Not.
June 2 at 8:51am

I know after reading this riveting detailed account of my Memorial Day that you will be waiting with bated breath to read part two of my DIY Facebook/Blog Wall that I’ll share later this week.

Because I only thought Memorial Day weekend was less than stellar until I lived through last week.

The show was filled with some of my favorite one-liners thus far.

“On behalf of thick girls everywhere y’all need to vote for me, I’m tired and I’m hungry.”

“…more fun with a frock and coat hanger.”

“Eight little friends just stripped Bruno’s car.”

Other Random Observations

In my personal notes from Monday night I had typed I really never want to see Jake in his underwear again.

And oh goodness – we were subjected to it AGAIN.

The giant bandages on his knees were an added bonus.

Triple icky.

Chad and Cheryl got a totally weird song. So did not match their style or personality. Not fair.

I think Chad might want to tone down all the awkward innuendo. Don’t know or care if they are really an item. He seems to really be stressing her.

DG hung on. My sister will be glad to watch her for another week.

My three favs remain the same!

Photos from ABC

Nicole & Derek
I think she gets a bonus with his amazing choreography skills.

Evan & Anna
Looks like Edyta loaned Anna her costume. Icky

While I love his grace and elegance, is it just me or did it look like Evan was wearing a toupee? I did not dig the Little Lord Fauntleroy haircut.

Erin & Maks
I think I’ve made it clear about how I feel about watching them him.

A Fabulous Ending

I think this quote from Tony during their rehearsal summed up why she needed to leave.

“Kate has no motivation and I have to push her each week and it gets exhausting.”

Tony was lovely and gracious while she gathered herself because she’s a self-proclaimed “cry baby”.

I’m trying to push out a tear. But I can’t. Because she brought her entire situation on herself. Good press. Bad press. And everything in between. I’m glad she’s finally off. Now let’s get on with the dancing!

Standard Disclaimer: These are just my personal opinions and I’m sure I’d be friends in real life with each and every “star”, “was a star” and/or “never was a star”. Or not.

I refuse to grow up.

Especially after the “Senior Moment” that I experienced in March of this year.

Kroger(s) Encounter, Part Two

A few days after I posted about my Kroger encounter, PhilBillPaul and I were in the store that I haven’t yet boycotted all together.

I stopped in my tracks when I saw my cashier “friend.”

I do refuse to go through her line.

You know, she’s the one who asked me…

“Are you a senior?”

And, NO, she was not on auto pilot using her awesome Kroger customer service training skills as blog reader Karen nicely suggested. She looked me right in the eye and asked me that after I declined the dollar donation.

Score: 1 for Maxine Cashier Insult
Score: 0 for meeting donation quota that day

Anyway…

I had mentioned in the post that I should go back and snap a picture of her so you could see her uncanny resemblance to Maxine.

I’m nothing, if not a woman of my word.

Thank you for this blog therapy session. I’m going to go watch Maks on Tivo.

I feel better already.

P.S. It is now time for my darling, sweet blogger friend Leigh Anne to comment about her senior moment(s) so we can all feel better. Jump in Mrs. Wilkes. 😉