Little Lessons

Little Lesson #5 Teen Son Uses Pot
During Family Night

Wednesday, April 16, 2008 By Sherra

I am a huge advocate of family night. It’s a night that you can schedule weekly or monthly so that you can spend quality family time together.

We did this for many years when the first three kids were younger.

One of our favorite things to do is have family game night. PhilBillPaul and I love board games. Some of our old standard favorites:

Scrabble, Yahtzee, Pictionary, Taboo and Boggle.

Okay, maybe not so much Boggle but only because they’re all a bunch of sore losers when I win every time. I am The Queen of Boggle.

We have had many family movie nights and rotated which child could choose the movie.

Some of our favorite oldies but goodies:

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, Babe, The Rookie, Fly Away Home and E.T.

I’m not a big fan of cartoons but The Lion King, Shrek & Finding Nemo are also winners if we have to watch a cartoon.

As the kids got older, we were excited to teach them how to play euchre. If you’re from the Midwest, you probably know the game. If you’re not, never mind.

Bring on the euchre any time…PhilBillPaul and I take our euchre very seriously.

The teenagers now all have jobs and our family nights are few and far between. It’s a rare night that all six of us are home together. (Which I realize, at this point, may be more positive than negative.)

Last year just after Thanksgiving, I brought home something I knew we might all have fun trying. Not that I thought it was a game or anything.

First, a little back story on my idea…

I’ve heard many stories about parents who allow their kids to drink beer and/or alcohol in their home. The parents have been known to say that the kids are safer if they’re at their house and being supervised since “they’re going to drink anyway.”

Being a non-drinker and a head injury survivor makes me extra slow to accept this logic. That and the little law we have about it being illegal.

I do try to have an open mind and just because I never drank alcohol (remember, I still do drink other liquids) doesn’t mean I don’t remember how hard it was to be a teenager and all the peer pressure that accompanied that season of life.

Back in early December last year, I made a big and somewhat impulsive decision and didn’t even discuss it first with PhilBillPaul (because I’m like that).

Remember, he’s so darn nice so I knew he’d go along with my decision because he is the Nice Dad and he just wants everyone to be happy.

Here’s what I decided…

If my kids wanted to try pot, they should do it at home and in front of me and PhilBillPaul.

Side note: We did this particular family night after Scary Baby was tucked safely in bed and fast asleep.

Incidentally, I got this idea from Dr. Oz on Oprah.

So I bought the pot.

It’s a neti pot.

What on earth did you think I was talking about??????

People, please, stay focused here. My kids do read this from time to time.

The Grunter was the first to volunteer to try the neti pot. The rest of us were more than a little apprehensive.

What a brave soul he was to go first. And he let me take pictures.

STEP ONE: Fill the pot with salt water mixture.

STEP TWO: Start the flow.

STEP THREE: Switch nostrils.

STEP FOUR: Blow and ~~cry~~ laugh.

Side note: The blue bowl was purchased especially for this family night. It is NOT a food bowl for those of you who have come to our house for a meal.

The girls were not interested in trying the neti pot. I don’t really blame them especially after The Grunter used it. Not really an item to share.

I told them I would get them each one for their stocking for Christmas but they said they’d rather get the traditional new socks and a toothbrush. Whatever.

These neti pots are all the rage. In fact, reading about it here made me remember these pictures and inspired me to write this post. (Check out the site – I can’t help but love the name: Dumb Little Man)

There are all kinds of health benefits associated with this “ancient SECRET” that we are just learning about. In spite of the fact we live in Pollenville where the cars turn yellow with pollen and four of us have allergies that get so bad we can’t go outside for more than 5 minutes for several months of the year, we have not taken to using the neti pot.

We prefer our prescription drugs to pot. Go figure.

It’s almost scary to realize that we’ve been having this much family fun and took pictures of the fun long before I started this blog, isn’t it? Never mind, don’t answer that.

Family Neti Pot Night has not been repeated since. But we did play Pictionary in January.

Little Lesson (LL):

It takes courage to use pot in front of your parents.

Yes, he did inhale and inhaling hurts.

Using pot in front of your younger sisters can discourage them from ever trying it.

That’s our boy and we want to publicly say we are so very proud of him!

Share a Little Lesson (SALL): Anybody out there a fan of this neti pot business? Anyone have any Family Night ideas to share?

P.S. For the record, I have never used, smoked or inhaled pot in my life. Neti, or otherwise.

Little Lesson #4 Kids & Clothing

Wednesday, April 2, 2008 By Sherra

Here’s a little wardrobe management tip for those of you with kids young enough to instill some positive, early habits that will serve you all well through high school (hopefully).

With all four of my kids, I have found much success with starting them young on appropriate clothing selection. I’m sure another mother gave me this sage advice but with old age comes a fleeting memory.

Early, before our kids’ school went to uniforms (amen – I’m a huge uniform advocate – I would lobby for them in any school at any age!) we selected school clothes and after school/weekend clothes. Initially, we had separate drawers but then I found this marvelous invention.

Don’t ask me why there is a teddy bear in the Monday cube. I guess you can use it to sort toys?

There were several reasons this system worked great for us:

It eliminated any early morning battles because mama doesn’t function well in the morning.
It established a night time routine where they always needed to have their outfit ready for the next day including shoes and socks.
It was visual so dad could handle the system when mom wasn’t home.
It set clear expectations for what they could and couldn’t wear to school.
It was non-negotiable.

We did allow them to have a few of the character or shirts with writing that were not deemed appropriate for school. Nothing mean or nasty, mind you. Rather, the humorous or smartie pants shirts that I’m sure you’ve all seen.

They could wear these on the weekends or they could be sleep shirts.

Side note: The Grunter might just have a shirt that says “I love my wie#%r” with a graphic of a wiener dog. Ann’s son might have received the same shirt as a birthday gift from our family. I’m just saying they might…

I’ve had lively discussions with other mothers about their strong belief in letting their children pick out there own clothes and express their individuality.

Lucky for all of us, we all live in the land of the free and are entitled to our opinion.

Here is mine.

Forget about expressing their individuality. I always said they have PLENTY of time to do that when they get home and on the weekends. Make teachers’ lives easier. The clothing kids are wearing these days is ridiculous.

In addition, uniforms eliminate stress and the competition at school over labels and brands which I’ve always found ridiculous.

Did my kids love uniforms? No. Did I care? No.

They aren’t suppose to love everything. They don’t really love the uniforms they are required to wear for their part-time jobs. They aren’t really allowed to express their individuality at work either. Go figure.

This is the first year that I don’t have any kids in uniforms. I’m grateful that the clothing system was ingrained early in the big kids’ lives. The girls have their outfits out the night before and it is a huge timesaver since they leave the house at 6:30 a.m. (However, they have abandoned their cube organizer.)

Scary Baby has her organizer hanging in the corner where dad mounted it so we can all see that she has her outfit ready. It’s a great week if she actually picks her outfits for the whole week on Sunday night but that doesn’t always happen.

Many stores sell these great organizers. Try Target or Kohl’s.

If your school doesn’t require uniforms, you as the parent, can and should go over what clothing is appropriate for school and then stick to it.

Every school has a dress code and adhering to that dress code is the responsibility of all of us.

From elementary to high school, I continue to be shocked and appalled at some of the “get-ups” I see kids go to school in.

Our kids’ job is to go to school and be a student. Our job as parents is to make sure they are dressed appropriately and I don’t think that should be the subject of a big debate.

Common sense is the answer.

That’s my opinion…what’s yours?

Little Lesson #3
Kids & Responsibility

Wednesday, March 26, 2008 By Sherra

If the Eyre’s Peg System didn’t float your boat last week, here’s “The Wheel.”

I always like to give credit where credit is due as I rarely have an original idea but I just cannot remember where I read about this one. If anyone recognizes it and knows the source, please share it with me.

I do remember they made it with two paper plates and a brad in the center.

(You can find brads in office supply stores in case you’re wondering what the heck a brad is – they’re also called solid brass prong paper fasteners – I like to be thorough with directions; thanks Google.) Or you can rip one off of a pronged pocket folder instead of buying a whole box.

I improved on their version by actually making it on my computer, printing it on card stock and cutting in with a handy, dandy circle cutter I have at home. Doesn’t everyone have a circle cutter?

Okay, so every once in a while I like to be seen as an overachiever when in fact, it was actually easier for me to make it on my much-loved iMac. Added bonus when we changed the jobs, I had saved the file and could make a new one. This is the 3rd or 4th generation of our job wheel.

It looks better hanging on the fridge than the paper plate version.

The job wheel is very easy to implement. You simply take the number of kids you have and create a list of jobs you want them to learn to master around the house. We chose daily jobs and twice-a-week jobs and then paired them up with input from the kids about their degree of difficulty.

I also typed up a detailed description of the expectations of each job and went over it with the children. The job details were put in a sheet protector in our family binder in case someone needed to refer to the checklist of what their job entailed. Sometimes mom or dad had to whip out the job detail and reiterate what was expected.

We started out changing it weekly but I quickly saw that they were not going to master the job in a week. We changed it to monthly and it was easier for all of us.

If someone did not master their job, we reminded them that they could have their job for another month. This usually got them in gear to do a better job because they all do seem to like a little variety in their chores.

We do not change the wheel until everyone had done their jobs with gusto at the end of the month. That way no one took over on a job that had not been done well. Just ask Roger Leroy who came off of two months of kitchen duty.

The job wheel has been much more effective for us than the peg system. We retired the peg system after about three years. But the peg system definitely created a good foundation before the wheel. Morning and evening routines along with their homework were set when we introduced the wheel. We have been using the wheel for 6 plus years and still use the monthly system to this day even though I’ve been too lazy to update the actual wheel. (I know this because the guinea pigs have all died so that job has been replaced.)

One other thing related to our job wheel. Our kids started doing their own laundry when they turned ten. I was inspired to start this fabulous family tradition from a good friend with six children. They actually got a laundry basket with their name on it as part of their birthday presents when they turned eight. I was very impressed by this mom’s ingenuity and ran right home to introduce this exciting event to our kids. Thanks Jeanette!

You will see a day of the week under each kid’s name and that is their laundry day. In addition, in between each set of jobs is “hot whites” or “towels” or “Scary Baby’s” and that meant that that was one additional load of laundry they were responsible for, in addition to their own, for that month.

Scary Baby added herself on the wheel but really has benefited from having five parents and very little responsibility. She rarely appreciates how much we all do for her. The big kids remind me of this often.

This overall system has instilled our personal value system and I know that our three teenagers are some of the hardest working employees who are now all working at part-time jobs.

Do they make their beds every day? Is my house immaculate? Um, yeah, that’s just how we roll at our house. Not.

But we have instilled a work ethic that will stay with them. Life skills that make us proud when they babysit and the mom calls to tell me they cleaned up and vacuumed and they were stunned and didn’t expect them to do that. Kids who can operate a washing machine before they get to college.

Hope this all makes sense. Perhaps it will inspire those of you with younger children to start them off with some household chores that I firmly believe are the responsibility of the whole family and not just mom (and dad)! Questions? Concerns? Comments? Always love to hear what you think…

Little Lesson #2
Kids & Responsibility

Wednesday, March 19, 2008 By Sherra

I am often asked how I get my kids to “voluntarily” do household chores.

That question makes me laugh.

If you’re hoping for an easy, foolproof method to get your kid to help around the house–I got nothing.

But because we’ve been outnumbered since the twins were born, PhilBillPaul and I needed to develop some survival techniques.

Though I have been a mom at home since The Grunter was born, I have also had a homebased business . In addition, I have always had clear boundaries about what I would and would not do. I am all about teaching our kids life skills.

I certainly do not fit the old stereotype of the doting stay-at-home mom. I’m more of the Rosanne variety and often used her famous line “If the kids are alive when my husband comes home, I’ve done my job.”

Order and organization makes me happy. Disorder and chaos create stress for me.

I have had systems and checklists for most everything because they work for me. (Getting them to work for the children is an issue for another post.)

One of my criteria for an effective system is that it can be self-monitoring and always works on the honor system. A system is not suppose to create more work for the supervisor/manager/leader of the said system.

Teaching Your Children Responsibility by Linda and Richard Eyre is a book that presents a peg system that we found to be very effective. They are parents of NINE so I figured they could teach me a thing or two! I highly recommend any of their books – I found several nuggets that have helped me manage our home through the years.

You can use your creativity (or involve your kids and use their creativity) to create your actual peg system.

Lucky for us, PhilBillPaul loves his power tools and I let him use his creativity with wood and power tools and make the pegs. He basically created the system from the line drawing in the book on page 56. Pegs were attached with fishing line. Be sure they are attached. Don’t give them one more thing to lose.

I just picked the location which was right outside the door of our bedroom in the upstairs hallway.

We fashioned our pegs much the same way as the book suggested. Each child had a morning peg, homework peg, job peg and evening peg. When they completed their morning responsibility which was to make their bed, brush their teeth and be ready for school, they put that peg in. Same basic idea with each of the pegs.

Above the pegs was a small shelf where we had a “family bank” which was an idea also taken from the book. Each night the kids were responsible for filling out a slip of paper and they got ten points for each peg they put in each day. These points were converted on payday but the key here was that each child was responsible for keeping track of their points, having them initialed by mom or dad and put in the bank each day.

Three kids and the honor system works two ways. We’re teaching accountability and personal responsibility. We ended up using this system with some degree of success for about four years.

But be prepared, as with most things, when the “new” wears off, the “fun factor” wears off too.

The age-old tattling system comes in to play.

“The Grunter put his cleaning peg in but he didn’t do his job.”

” Wizzy isn’t finished with her homework and she put her peg in.”

” Roger Leroy didn’t take all her pegs out from yesterday.”

Whatever system you use, remember your goal is teach them. It’s a hard lesson for both sides. The teacher (you, the parent) must let the student (your child) learn to do things for themselves and learn natural consequences.

The points, allowances and/or privileges you decide on will impact their personal motivation for completing their chores and actively contributing to family life.

The book really outlines the system well and you can adapt it to your family and your expectations for your children.

I’d love to hear if you try this system or if you have a system that is working well at your house! I’m especially looking for a good teenager system these days. 🙂

Little Lesson #1 – Weekly Planning

Wednesday, March 12, 2008 By Sherra

A new series that will share little lessons learned through the years.

I’m a systems kind of girl. I thrive when repetitive tasks are made easier. We have a “Family Binder” that houses all kinds of important information that we need to find on a regular basis. (I’ll probably feature that in a future post and tell you what is in the binder.) I mention this binder because my Weekly Planning form is found in the binder in a sheet protector with extra copies.

Since the big kids were little kids, I have used this form and posted it on our fridge. I have used the form in presentations to several mothers’ groups and I’ve lost count of the number of moms who spied it on our fridge and have asked for a copy.

Such buildup for an 8-1/2 x 11 piece of paper. 🙂

One of the best things about the efficiency of this form for me has been that anyone can write down a shopping item and when I have an errand day, I simply grab the sheet and fold it up and tuck it in my purse.

You can make something similar and put your favorite stores in each column. Keep an original as your master and make copies to have on hand or print from your computer. I do better when I can see what I need at each store rather than one giant list. Call me crazy, I’m just visual like that.

The second part of the form “Things to Do” is where I would first put all the activities for the week in the appropriate slots. I tried to do this every Sunday evening and then post it for all to see. PhilBillPaul and I would take a few minutes and review our separate calendars and plug in the items for the week. Since I’ve always had a homebased business, this was an excellent snapshot to see when I would be at a meeting or an event in the evening. Appointments, school events, basketball, etc., would all be recorded here.

Once that was done, it took less than 15 minutes for me to plan our meals around our schedule for the week. A weekly menu plan for dinner really helped us as a family. I believe that planning dinner is still a stress point for many. At the bewitching hour of 5:00 p.m. or so, the last thing I wanted to hear was a semi-whiney voice saying “Whaaaat’s for dinner?”

I rotated our meals around a master list of main dishes that we liked. We being me and PhilBillPaul. Now that the teens can make dinner (life skill), they have more input. The menu planning also helped with the shopping list and having them all on one sheet of paper really worked well for me! (Use the back if you need more room for your grocery list.)

I used the lunch planning when they were toddlers and in the years that we homeschooled. You can eliminate that portion of the form if all your kids are in school or you can use it for your own *healthy* lunch plans.

Here’s how I planned dinners in those toddler and tween days of chaos and Cocoa Krispies.

Sunday – chicken night
Monday – pasta night
Tuesday – ground beef night
Wednesday – breakfast night
Thursday – pork night
Friday – pizza night
Saturday – “wing it” night

Peanut butter or cereal was available if they didn’t like the menu.

Make your own theme nights and rotate your favorite recipes or try new ones. A little bit of weekly planning can save you a lot of time during the week!

I must confess, I don’t use it as consistently as I used to because with three teenagers driving and working part-time, we all go different directions on many nights. But I do still use it during the holidays and on vacations.

I hope this inspires you to spend a little time planning your week so you can save some time and avoid some aggravation during the week. I’d like to hear if this helps or gives you an idea to improve what you are already doing. Or maybe you have a great system or menu planning tip? Either way, share it by leaving a comment here!