Life Lessons

Leaving Home…

Wednesday, July 30, 2008 By Sherra

Some people have some strong reactions when I say I’ve been out of town. Whether it’s a weekend or a two weeks.

Sometimes it’s just lighthearted joking. Sometimes it is envy.

I’m pretty sure that sometimes there is a bit of judgment about me being selfish or not being a very good “stay-at-home” mom.

I don’t miss the irony of being home and wanting to leave.

While I’m proud and grateful to be able to be at home since The Grunter was born, I have also been very vocal about my need to leave and have time away from my husband and family.

Luckily I have Nice Dad who always does an excellent job when I travel.

I started traveling on my own for both business and pleasure when the twins turned one.

Mostly for health reasons.

My mental health.

Though I know my sanity is still in question, I know that leaving home has been my saving grace as a woman.

We wear a lot of hats as women and we are genetically predisposed to take care of everyone else — usually before we take care of ourselves.

One of the reasons PhilBillPaul “gets me” is that he really gets that I need some personal space and he gets that I am a better wife and mother when I come back home!

I’ve encouraged other women friends to make some time for themselves. I have friends who rarely, if ever, have left their husband and/or children to treat themselves to some “me” time.

I’m not necessarily talking about a trip – for some women it can be just a few hours. For others it’s a few days. For me, a few weeks can be nice. 😉

Some of them have actually taken my advice and just seemed to need permission from another adult, i.e. a friend to say it is okay and normal to both need and want to leave home sometimes!

Some of them insist they don’t need any time to themselves.

Some say “their turn will come.”

They worry me – like the perpetually happy, perfect people who make the rest of us look bad.

I learned a long time ago that I have to take care of me.

When a tiny amount of guilt creeps in about my desire to leave home, I remember what I’m trying to teach my kids.

What is important to me is that they see a mother who isn’t afraid to take a break, a mom who isn’t superwoman or even pretending to be! They also need to see that dad is more than capable of taking care of his children.

Maybe I’m a little paranoid about what “some people” think. Then again, maybe not.

I wish I could tell you I cared about what “some people” think or say about me. But I don’t.

I do care deeply about the people I love and who love me. It may be a small number of people and I’m pretty sure the number fluctuates on a daily basis – just check with my family.

It is because I do care that I keep leaving…

…so I can come back home.

Do you leave? Do you want to leave but never do? I’d love to hear how you find time for yourself.

Leave a comment below and remember if you’re reading this through an email subscription or RSS feeder just click over to the site so you can comment.

While I was away…

Monday, July 28, 2008 By Sherra

Roger Leroy and Wizzy were at work and helping another family respectively when I called home to check on The Grunter and Scary Baby.

They are not a good combo alone together. Mostly because he is usually asleep when she is awake. I was worried when Scary Baby didn’t answer the house phone.

When he answered his cell phone using his barely-awake voice, I was concerned. I asked him to give his phone to Scary Baby so I could get the real scoop on who was doing what.

She has affectionately inherited his old moniker, “Officer Humphreys” as he could always be counted on to report any violations or crimes committed by his siblings. She has really stepped up and takes her job very seriously.

Side note: Some people call it tattling, we call it reporting and we always thank Officer Humphreys for the report.

The Grunter barely talked to me as he went downstairs with his phone, other than to ask me, “Where are the girls?” Not a good sign that he didn’t know they weren’t home but I was in Phoenix and did know.

The favorite line overheard by my friends on this magical call to my almost 19 year-old ~~pumpkin~~ grunter was when he uttered these words:

“There is a slight chance she may not be here.”

It was funny to everyone in the car except me. Three phone calls later, she was located…

…in our basement washing the dogs.

Which PhilBillPaul thought was a fine thing for her to be doing because he thought I said she was WATCHING the dogs.

I had to use the Hoosier Grandma pronunciation because he was in a noisy environment.

“I said she is WARSHING the dogs.”

Let’s not even discuss a 9 year-old giving two wild wiener dogs a bath without supervision.

Re-entry after being gone from home for two weeks can be rough.

While I was away, they were all very busy. They had a garage sale, two break-ups and very sadly, a teenager who just graduated from high school and worked with my older daughters, committed suicide.

To say that we had some catching up to do is an understatement.

This weekend was spent with PhilBillPaul and the kids. Family time and individual time.

Scary Baby got some uninterrupted “mom time” on Friday and Saturday with some hair braiding and a little back-to-school shopping to try to get her excited for 4th grade. She has said every day since I’ve been back,
“I want you to homeschool me this year.” No comment at this time.

I took the *big* girls to their first funeral on Saturday. Followed by lunch and some deep discussion on what to do if life ever gets so bad you don’t think you want to go on.

Sunday church with The Grunter and his girlfriend was a rare treat as he’s been going to her church for months.

A parenting challenge I believe we all struggle with (especially if you have more than one child) is spending time with them individually. Family time is obviously more efficient and I love efficiency.

But with our loud crowd of six, I treasure one-on-one time with my kids. I speak only for myself when I say this becomes even more important as they get older.

I could open a debate on quality vs. quantity time but I’d rather not. I’d rather just say that I think our family needs both and it is a constant struggle.

Today I’m golfing with the girls. Because I can.

Because making the time for these kids of mine who drive me crazy is more important than anything else on my “to do” list.

Life Lesson (LL): Quality time is my primary love language and this weekend I was reminded of that to my core.

Share a Life Lesson (SALL): How do you make time for your kids individually? Any special rituals or traditions you share are sure to help another mother!

Memorial Day Memories & Miracles

Tuesday, May 27, 2008 By Sherra

Let me start by saying I’m doing my my civic duty to educate any readers who weren’t sure what yesterday’s Memorial Day signifies here in our country.

Cities all around the United States hold their own ceremonies on the last Monday in May to pay respect to the men and women who have died in wars or in the service of their country.

Memorial Day is not limited to honor only those Americans from the armed forces. It is also a day for personal remembrance. Families and individuals honor the memories of their loved ones who have died. Church services, visits to the cemetery, flowers on graves or even silent tribute mark the day with dignity and solemnity. It is a day of reflection. However, to many Americans the day also signals the beginning of summer with a three-day weekend to spend at the beach, in the mountains or at home relaxing.

The above is an excerpt from this website in case you want to prepare your next year’s homeschool lesson and you need more history, quizzes, puzzles and fun about Memorial Day. Oh yeah, I am a planner – just ask my kids about those homeschooling years and how organized I was. Always getting things ready a year in advance. I’m like that.

I do hope that you were able to take a little time to say a quiet prayer or pay special tribute to our armed forces who continue to serve our country with such honor.

So many relatives and friends have served that if I started to list them, I know I would leave someone out. Right now, my cousin Sally’s son, Rob, is serving in Iraq.

And of course, you all got to read the special words my friend Ann’s husband shared right here.

There is never a time that a story or a picture of our our military doesn’t choke me up.

(Arlington National Cemetery – May 22, 2008) — Flags stand vigil at gravesites in Arlington National Cemetary. The 3rd U.S. Infantry Regiment (The Old Guard) began their rounds to place a small American flag into the ground in front of every grave marker at Arlington National Cemetery for the upcoming Memorial Day observance. (Photo by Adam Skoczylas).

Memories

But Memorial Day does more than choke me up.

Every year PhilBillPaul and I take time to remember how our lives changed and what we have survived.

Today marks 20 years to the day.

May 27th, 1988.

The day we were hit head-on by a drunk driver.

We never forget the irony of that Memorial Day weekend when we went to see this movie before the crash.

I’ll never forget the stories of what happened that I’ve been told. Because I really don’t remember anything.

The phone call he had to make to Illinois to tell my parents.

The last thing my mom remembers him saying before they hung up.
“Oh, and you should probably know she’s on a respirator.”

PhilBillPaul has always had a way with words. This time we didn’t argue about it.

It’s hard to argue when you’re in a coma…

Eleven days in a coma.

I’ve lost count of how many times people have asked…

Do you remember waking up?

Could you hear people talking to you?

Did you see a white light?

No, no and no.

I do vaguely remember pulling out my IV and other various tubes because I needed to get all the doctors together for a conference call to Portugal.

Who knew they gave coma patients such big responsibilities?
(I think this is also called hallucinating.)

I am still not sure where Portugal is.

I clearly remember my mom telling me to behave and answer the doctors’ questions correctly or they would think I was crazy. I remember her telling me through gritted teeth “This is no time to be funny.”

See, I was funny before the coma. Some people think I’m still funny.

So much to learn when you wake up from a coma.

Did you know that when you have been hospitalized for close to 30 days that you shouldn’t raise your arms up when you have guests? Luckily my mom was there to motion from across the room and ~~hiss~~ whisper
“Put your arms down!”

“WHY?” I said in a very loud voice.

More hand gestures and pointing and my brain worked well enough at that moment to realize that visitors didn’t want to see four weeks of my new European unshaven look.

Whatever. Like I really cared. I was alive.

Miracles

Brain injury, rehab, therapy…

I believe.

20 years later, I believe more than ever.

Tonight, after we put Scary Baby to bed, we might even get crazy and watch the DVD we have of the crash scene and me being loaded on the LifeFlight helicopter to remind our three driving teenagers that they are not in control of everything.

Who knew that an ambulance chaser with a new video camera would provide us with such a teaching tool for our then, yet-to-be-born children?

Don’t think we’re being morbid. We will have popcorn and celebrate, I promise!

I hope you and your loved ones remain safe and happy.

I truly hope you all enjoyed a three day weekend filled with fun memories and fabulous miracles…

Life Lesson (LL): Little or big. They’re all around us. Miracles happen every single day.

Share a Life Lesson (SALL): Feel free to ask me any *coma* questions…people still seem to be fascinated and I don’t mind. 🙂 Share a miracle in your life…your miracle can serve as such inspiration for someone else!

Graduation Day & The Grunter

Monday, May 19, 2008 By Sherra

It’s graduation week here in the South. The open houses and parties have begun.

We’ve been through graduation with our firstborn once before.

He made it through kindergarten with flying colors.

As if any of us needed to wear a cap and gown and “graduate” from kindergarten. Sure, we bought right into the new ritual. Ahh, the peer pressure.

He sailed through elementary school even when we homeschooled (gasp) during his 4th grade year.

He was a cute 1st grader.

Middle school (known as junior high back in my day) was relatively painless as well.

He was a cute 7th grader too. Yes, I know I’m biased.

He will remind me that homeschooling again (double gasp) in 8th grade created struggles for him in high school. Math specifically.

Sorry, Bud, I did the best I could.

We made the best educational decisions we could throughout the years. We have experienced private Christian school, homeschooling and public school.

We know there is no such thing as the perfect school much like we know there are no perfect children or perfect parents.

Eighteen years and thirteen years of school have not really flown by. Some people claim that the years fly by. Sometimes I have even claimed that.

The Grunter has survived being our firstborn and our “test boy.” He has actually passed again with flying colors.

Don’t get me wrong – the journey has not always been smooth sailing. The Cocoa Krispie Nightmare was just one of our many struggles I can write about while still maintaining some decorum (and while he still lives at home with us).

He is not walking in his high school graduation ceremony. After he told me three times he didn’t want to go to the ceremony, I listened. It seems to have created more stress for friends and family than it has for him or us.

This is the first of many decisions he is making on his own.

This is the part where my job description as mom starts to change.

This is the part where I worry and praise and love and pray.

This is the part where you start to let go.

This picture is one of my all-time favorites in his photo album when he was just a wee little naked baby learning to walk.

The quote I wrote on the page of his album so many years ago and is very poignant for me right now…

“A boy has two jobs. One is just being a boy.

The other is growing up to be a man.”

–Herbert Hoover

His job of being a boy is almost over.

His job of becoming a man is just beginning.

Life Lesson (LL): Growing and nurturing a baby boy into a man is a hard, scary job.

Share a Life Lesson (SALL): Share how your “babies” are turning out. Moms supporting moms makes the job a little less overwhelming!

My Indiana Trip & Visiting Imogene

Wednesday, May 7, 2008 By Sherra

I got home late Sunday night from five fun-filled days visiting relatives in Indiana.

As I shared last week, I went back home to Indiana to visit Imogene.

One week ago on Wednesday I surprised Imogene and spent the afternoon with her. She has fallen twice since I was there last year so she spends most of her time in a wheelchair. She has made a remarkable recovery especially at age 92.

She doesn’t go out very much, if at all. Since I was there by myself and was not on a schedule, I made myself available if she wanted to go anywhere. After a little encouragement because I’m sure you know how much her generation “doesn’t want to be a burden” she finally said “I sure would like to have some good food at Gray’s.”

Gray Brothers Cafeteria is a local landmark in Mooresville, Indiana.

Photo of Gray’s sign came from this fun food blog.

Cafeterias are not my favorite kind of restaurants. I actually refuse to eat at them here in Georgia. (Another one of my issues…for another day.)

But Gray Brothers is different. I love it.

PhilBillPaul loves cafeterias so I had to take a picture of our food so I could show him I had his favorite chicken and noodles (and corn and potatoes and a roll and butterscotch pie if you’re taking inventory.)

I found a far better picture of their food at RoadFood.com which is a fun site that features reviews the kind of down-home restaurants we love.

“A tray of lunch, Gray Brothers-style. Clockwise from the bottom left: candied beets, dinner roll, banana cream pie, orange chiffon Jell-O, lemonade, chicken with cornbread dressing.”
– Michael Stern

Imogene had those candied beets (yuck) and jello salad and fried potatoes and strawberry pie with her chicken and noodles. My photography skills really didn’t do justice to our meal.

Yes, it does appear that we might have thought this was our last meal. I’m happy to report it wasn’t. We actually took some beets, jello salad and pie back to her room.

Everything was absolutely delicious and words cannot describe what it meant to me to get to spend the afternoon with her and take her out to dinner.

The waitress took our picture and I’ve already ordered two 5 x7 prints that I’m framing–one for me and one for her!

Life Lesson (LL): In spite of gas prices and a nine hour drive, the trip was worth every moment I got to spend with Imogene and other relatives!

Share a Life Lesson (SALL): Any trip you’ve taken or are planning to take to visit someone special in your life?