The Black Hole, Part One

My journey into The Black Hole was not as easy to summarize as I first thought. Here is the beginning of the story that I will continue to share in the coming weeks. Not because I think the details are fascinating or I am trying to be more depressing, but because if my story can help just one woman who is going through something similar, I want to reach out to her…

I have discovered that I have the ability to muddle through even when life gets hard. It’s part of who I am. A stubborn, hardworking, Midwestern girl who knows bad things can happen to good people.

I have also discovered that it really takes a lot to send me spiraling into “The Black Hole” but spiral is what I do when faced with boulders. (More on boulders on another day.)

So far, three boulders have been put in front of me that have overwhelmed me enough to warrant intervention, professional counseling and/or drugs:

Boulder #1: The car crash, coma and learning to live with a head injury. May 1988

Boulder #2: Helping my mom take care of my dad when he was dying of multiple myeloma. February 2000

Boulder #3: An explosion with a flash fire at our house where PhilBillPaul and I suffered severe 2nd degree burns. September 2006

Lest you think I’m whining, I share these things with you to give you a bit more insight into who I am and let you know that I don’t typically fall apart when life gets hard.

I now realize that the fire was really a post-traumatic stress trigger. It brought up feelings so similar to the car crash “boulder” that it was almost eerie.

Except this time I had three teenagers and a 2nd grader and two dogs and I could barely function. It took all my strength to get out of bed and get cleaned up to “appear to be fine” at a school function or sporting event or anywhere in public.

My semi-rational brain knew that old adage of “surround yourself with positive people” is usually true.

Unfortunately, my irrational brain was working overtime. Positive people were the last people I wanted to be around. They can be very irritating to those of us who are not feeling so positive. Positive people were not invited into The Black Hole. This was a private party for one, thank you very much.

So I started avoiding doing anything that required me to get out of bed or get cleaned up or basically interact with other humans beyond my immediate family.

I was anti-social and preferred to be in my bedroom (in my bed) whenever possible. I answered the phone as little as possible.

I was a barrel of fun to live with.

To be continued…

To read more of the riveting story that I probably should just turn into a free ebook…

The Black Hole, Part Two
The Black Hole, Part Three
The Black Hole, Part Four
The Black Hole, Part Five
The Black Hole, Part Six
The Black Hole, Part Seven

One year ago..

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Comments

  1. 1
    Melinda says:

    Is there anything we could have done? I’d like to know this in case any of my other friends develop these symptoms? REALLY wish I could have helped you. This is pretty sad to read about and I knew about all these events. I’ve had a couple of events of my own but then I’m a different person of course. As my DH will tell you, I require people contact, LOTS of people contact. Do NOT like to sit at home alone EVER! I can’t hardly make myself stay in the bed when I’m sick and should be!

    Looking forward to the next chapter……………

    M

  2. 2
    Karen says:

    Dear Sherra,

    I understand a new event bringing up the past – nasty, isn’t it? You are doing a good thing to share because it will help others. Reading your blog reminded me of your dry sense of humor and your willingness to put yourself out there.

    K

Trackbacks

  1. […] I know my sanity is still in question, I know that leaving home has been my saving grace as a […]

  2. […] issues from last year which have subsequently created sleep issues and sent me spiraling into The Black Hole discussed here and here and […]

  3. […] As if my silence might indicated that my feet have been dangling dangerously close to the edge of The Black Hole. […]

  4. […] The Black Hole, Part One […]

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