Every time the darling twins come home, we have the same conversation.
A tornado hits their room when they arrive.
They insist that it was that way before they arrived.
We argue.
It was no different during their Thanksgiving break.
I know have written about this subject once or twice.
I really did appreciate Paula’s advice in the comments that they will eventually be proud of their personal space. Ahem…it just won’t be their space in my house, I guess.
I have photographic evidence that I thought I would keep private. But then again I’ve been known to change my mind.
Years ago I let go of trying to make them clean their rooms. I’ve read that many experts recommend that this a battle you should “choose to lose.” You know, let them have their space, give them some freedom…that’s what doors are for…blah, blah, blah.
I have done this to the best of my ability. I’m sure my kids would disagree.
Whatever.
It’s still MY house.
I took to the semi-annual mode of cleaning. I stayed out of their rooms for about 4-6 months. Frankly, I think that’s personal growth for me.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
–Phyllis Diller
Then I would have to enter the danger zone for some reason and we would have massive meltdowns (them and me) and marathon cleaning day. Some day, I’ll share pictures of that family bonding time. Because, of course, I took pictures.
When the darling twins left for Basic Training this past summer, PhilBillPaul and I went in the danger zone and did a major clean up. We stripped the beds, cleaned up drawers, wiped surfaces, swept, mopped, vacuumed, etc.
I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, after a summer in the military that they would come back with some personal pride in their living quarters. That they would love their big, bright, colorful room after spending the summer on a hard bunk surrounded by drab army green.
I’ve pretty much given up on that now.
Full Disclaimer: All four kids are piglets. I have plenty of pictures of The Grunter’s pigsty.
I’m pleased to announce I’ve exceeded my personal growth goal and I have now have proof thanks to these photos by PhilBillPaul plus this text conversation with Wizzy which did not send me to the Xanax bottle.
Wizzy: Can you have dad look n see if meadows left her cover somewhere? (cover=military lingo for hat)
Me: Dad’s debit card was in ur room. We have meadows cover. Still no Vicks…where is it?
W: Oh crap sorry. Okay good. It was on the little table
Me: And he found a kitchen bowl of delicious popcorn with rat poop in it.
W: Hahahaha shut up
Me: It’s not on the little table. But he has found a wet towel
W: idk then
Me: Oh he just found the vicks under the bed. The rat must have been playing with it.
W: lol real mature
Me: The rat doesn’t really look mature. Seems kind of young & playful what with the vicks & all
Me: No one is allowed back here until room is clean BY BOTH OF U. Out of dad’s mouth…”u r not going to use our house as a dirty weigh station.”
W: I didn’t. Whatever
Me: nice try rachel wasn’t even here!
W: Okay
W: Its not even messy dads having a bad night n overreacting*
Me: He’s snapping pics now & he seems fine to me. I’m not looking becuz if he says it’s a wreck…holy cow.
W: Whatever
Me: Love u dd 
(dd = darling daughter)
Me: I appreciate the blog material 
W: Not funny. Im not amused
Me: Love love love & miss u dd
W: Yeah i can tell
Me: I do dd & I think you are being mean to me
W: I think you are being mean to me
Me: sniffle
W: Thats what ive been doing all night. Im having a rough day
Me: Me too…sorry dd ;(
*Here are the photos of dad and his overreacting because “it’s not even messy.”
I just laughed and said…
Whatever.
Still open to any suggestions about how to *make* 18 and 20 year-olds clean up their personal space. Anyone? Anyone?
“I got nothin.” LOL While talking to my son on the phone from Basic Training/AIT MP school, he swore to me that he wasn’t lazy anymore and would know how to keep his room clean when he got home after 5 months with the Army. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! IT’S A BRAND NEW HOUSE…BRAND NEW ROOM…GINORMOUS WALK IN CLOSET…AND IT’S A GROSS, DISGUSTING, PIGSTY SINCE HE GOT HOME!! Perhaps I should have invited his Drill Sergeants to Thanksgiving dinner….
If you find the solution let me know. My almost 22 year old son is having the same problem…we just got new bedroom furniture and gave him our old chest on chest so he can’t claim he has nothing to put his stuff in.
When we asked him to put his bathroom stuff away he said he liked it out because then he didn’t have to look for it. LOL..he misplaced his drivers license …we can add that to a very long list of things he loses on a regular basis..oh and just lost his cell phone but he can’t be bothered with organization..too much trouble arghhhh….perhaps his next girlfirend will be a neat freek and rub off on him..I can only hope!
What works with our lovely four children is the hard and fast rule:
If it’s left on the floor past bedtime it becomes my property, period.
Everything from favorite jeans to toys have become ‘my property’. I then decide if and when they ever see the items again. If it’s a repeat offender item it goes in the trash.
A friend of mine’s mother threw the contents of her messy bedroom on the front lawn right before she arrived home from school. She was horrified and never left her room in that shape again.
Of course, you could always load it in garbage bags and take it to the school and leave in their cars–dirty dishes and all.
It isn’t that bad. I can tell the difference between it and the landfill. The only approach I’ve heard of that worked was to take away their door, though they might be a bit old for that one and if they don’t have a door they might refuse to come home. Anyway that approach didn’t work for my son but did work for two teen girls of a friend.
I feel some relief knowing I’m not alone so for that, thank you ladies!
The door removal has been considered but then I have to see the messes which just equals more stress.
@Jenn – The losing things is a separate topic all together! lol
I came home from work yesterday after a “headache causing” end of the month bank day!!, and walked into the “mind field” I call her room!! I thought I was going to lose my freakin’ mind, it was SO GROSS!! Nothing like cleaning up hardened cottage cheese off your good dishes after you remove the wet towel that hid it from my view! (I found it!) to make you feel all warm and cozy inside about your darling daughter….I’m sure she had a great night at work (Buffalo Wild Wings) and looked adorable, because “they love her” and “she’s so charming and organized”…REALLY? Well, send HER back here, and leave messy, sarcastic girl somewhere else!! Glad to know I’m not the only one with “issues”!! And I LOVE when parents tell me their kid is really neat and clean!! YEAH-RIGHT!!
I notice from your blog that the girls come home from college very frequently. So it would seem that they haven’t mentally/emotionally “left home.” It does strike me as disrespectful for them to come home for a visit and then go back to school leaving the room a mess. Perhaps put some limits on these weekend visits back home? Yes, I know you miss them and want to see them. They know this too (and are perhaps taking advantage?)
Maybe the next time they plan a trip home, you tell them “it’s not a good time,” as you will not have time or energy to deal with getting YOUR house back to normal once they leave.
Wish I could get my hubby to read all this so he would know it’s not limited to our house! I do have ONE daughter that is fairly neat. Wish I could post pictures of her room to share. She’s the one that I like to come home cause she helps to actually clean the house!! She’s much better at it than I am!
The boy’s room? No way would I ever consider removing that door! I get sick every time I have to take something in there. I should go in there and bag some stuff up today. I Like that idea.
Thanks for all the suggestions.
And I finally went and saw that movie. It was every bit as good as you said and MORE! Maybe the best movie I’ve seen in recent years! Great family movie!!
@Julia–It is our consolation prize to know they are lovely and nice for other people. It means something has sunk in – they just save it for other people.
@Barb–Missing them and wanting to see them are two separate things! I don’t want the girls to get the worst of the “pig room” status as our other two darlings aren’t much better. The darling twins are in a unique situation as Soldiers in college. Since they were gone all summer at Basic Training and they will be leaving in January for 5 months we have tried to extend some grace this first semester of college. For now, we just need to get through the holidays and a few weeks in January and then we will have time to really actually miss them while they are in Arizona.
@Melinda–Two are much more helpful than the others in terms of cleaning up but all four are equal in their abilities to create messes! So glad you liked the movie. I’m with you – one the best in YEARS!!!
Perhaps the key lies in redefining the word “clean”… Maybe they need a little picture chart like we used when they were little. You could label their drawers and things with the appropriate title. Imagine their little faces when they came home to see everything neatly labeled! It might be worth it just for that response alone. Something to think about anyway…
@Tammy–I really should go in and take pictures but right now I just need to tell you that their drawers still have labels on them. Been there. Done that. Nothing works. GIANT SIGH.
In defense of myself I would like to post pictures of my room located here
I don’t live like the twins. Sometimes I fall a bit behind in cleaning but I still do WAY better than they do.
Sherra, thank you for letting me know I’m not the only mother dealing with this issue. My teens (and semi-adult) can’t seem to catch on to the idea of clean rooms either. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. By the way, how much does Scary Baby charge, I might need her to come over and teach my piglets a few things. Thanks for being an inspiration to us!
HYSTERICAL!!! I, too, have searched the throw away and give away bags when my daughter cleaned. I found many dishes as well as practically a full set of cutlery. Go figure! She must have thought that the stainless steel looked a lot like plastic and could toss it once used. Either that or she didn’t feel like excavating it from the science experiment it had become! Who knows?!? Ah, parenting is grand…
@The Grunter–Such a POSER with those pictures!!!!!! Like that’s how your room looks on an even monthly basis? Let’s take a picture of it every day in December. Oh wait, is that a SPOON on your carpet?
@Eula–Your semi-adult said she doesn’t know what you are talking about. I know we should all be relieved that we’re fighting the same battle trying to get them to clean their rooms but strangely–I don’t feel any better.
@Tammy–At least you found your cutlery. We’re still looking for two complete sets. Some pieces have been located in the yard, driveway, garage. PhilBillPaul actually found one of OUR cereal bowls and spoon at the end of an empty house that is for sale in our neighborhood. I can’t make this stuff up…