She’s Baaaaack . . .
by Sherra on July 1, 2009
in Finding the Funny, Rants, Teens
With a new Texas-Bohemian look.
This means the end of The Grunter’s short-lived “I’m an only child again” phase.
It also means he can start blaming one of his sisters for putting the toilet lid up and not flushing.
I kid you not.
While we were in the 3 week “only child” phase, he actually said he did not put the lid up and he always flushes.
He’s totally busted after blaming his sisters for many years that they are sooooooo gross and he always flushes. (I’m just talking about pee here – seriously even my gross kids aren’t that gross.)
Big fat lie.
Totally gross.
But not as gross as what he has to deal with at work.
*** W A R N I N G ***
This may make you stop going to the movies.
Or at least wonder what the heck is wrong with people?
This was our text message conversation with him last week while we were in North Carolina. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried…
Side note: Do not read while eating.
The Grunter (TG): Somebody made a poo on the floor of a theatre again.
Me: A baby or a grown-up poo?
TG: Grown up poo
TG: Or maybe a small horse
Me: Wow did u have to clean it up?
TG: Yes
Me: Where was the poo located specifically?
TG: Located on the floor in the front row.
Me: Did you get a gift card?*
TG: Nope I got nothing
Me: Publix should be looking good right now
Me: Any toilet paper near the pile?
TG: Nope the horse didn’t wipe. His butt is gonna itch…
*This is the 2nd incident. The 1st one he only smelled but never located until a movie patron located it IN A SEAT where they sat down IN IT. When the 3 lucky employees had to clean it up, they all got generous gift cards from the managers.
PhilBillPaul affectionately refers to this as a “Code Brown” from his year of hotel employment when they would walkie talkie each other when there was an incident in the pool. (Caddyshack anyone?)
Soon, I will be unable to function in public.
For some reason, our family (Grandma included) finds this cry-tears funny but also utterly disgusting. We actually made him call Grandma and relay the story to her on the phone after dinner last night.
Let me tell you, I inspect the seats before sitting down now.
Grandma has a good visual in her head of some poor soul (like me) walking in with thin sandals and slipping in the floor variety. (I’m trying to refrain from using the word “poo” too many times.)
So many unanswered questions.
WHO? WHEN? And most of all…WHY?
Anyone? Anyone?
I tell you he really earns those free movie tickets.
Another proud mom moment.
Thanks for letting me share.
Leave a comment and let me know if you laughed or you unsubscribe now.
Just sharing our real life. 
GGGGRRRRROOOOOOOSSSSSSS!!!!! This just does NOT happen in Illinois! LOL!!!
Thank you for a bust out laughing moment this morning. I try to get a visual to justify why someone could possibly feel the need to do that and I just can’t. I mean… was it a dare from friends? Was the movie going on and they couldn’t bare to miss a single second? Didn’t anyone smell anything? Was there an endless line at the bathrooms? Although I did see a small child take a dump in the middle of a play area years ago this way tops that. Keep making us laugh and welcome home Scary Baby!!!
@Ann – So you think it’s a regional/location thing? I think gross people are everywhere. ROFL
@Sally – Are we related? Because “was it a dare from friends?” was the first question I asked AFTER I stopped laughing. The answers to your other questions are: Maybe but we doubt it. YES. No.
You crack me up Sherra! This story is almost as funny at the Scary Baby paint story. People are so disgusting but I do enjoy the comic relief it offers. My favorite comment was about the itching butt…too funny! Personally, I am so going with the dare theory though I also wonder why no else smelled the foul stench.
(edited so TG can keep his glamorous job) ##### Cinemas are not alone. They used to (probably still do) have issues with folks using the parking decks at Lenox Square for this sort of business. The thing about doing it in a parking deck is that security gets it on camera. You know how you can buy the amusement park photos of you and the family poised to shoot down the huge log run slide? Think there’s a market for that from security stills???? All together now—EW-W-W-W!
@Tammy–There would have to be a *pile* of cash included with that dare…pun intended!!!!!!
@julieann–I’m sure there is a business opportunity here somewhere – did you really mean to say “huge log run slide” regarding this subject matter?? I think that is the correct terminology for the visual my mom had about me stepping in it. OMG now I’m ROFL again. My immaturity knows no bounds.
Okay, # 1 – Scary baby looks adorable…my kind of outfit, you go sister!! # 2 – in my 27 years of retail, I can tell you THIS IS NOT UNUSUAL to go to the bathroom anywhere you feel like it!! I have found, used feminine products in fitting rooms, (and, no they are not wrapped up!), I have found all kinds of them). I have seen, actually SEEN, a woman squat and PEE, when all we did was say ” and how are you doing in there?” Oh well, I guess I’ll just open the door and show them..what the heck? Humans are nasty!!!! At Jean Nicole, (back in the day) a woman squatted and pooped in the fitting rooms, that were curtainless and doorless, in the Michael Jackson era (we were selling black/red MJ jackets then!)…Oh the times we have lived through. Sorry Michael, it just made me think of you..RIP…
@Julia – Glad you approved the outfit. PhilBillPaul just told me Granny thought I was not liking the outfit. We loved it Granny…she was looking very hip and cool
Wow you’re really dating yourself with the Jean Nicole reference. So the fitting room poo wasn’t on a dare? Hmmm…that blows our theory.
People are disgusting.