Lying and Hating
by Sherra on March 18, 2009
in Finding the Funny, Rants, Teens
Hate is a very strong word.
PhilBillPaul and I made it a rule in our house when the kids were very little that they are not allowed to use the word hate when referring to people. It’s just a personal little issue I have about choosing our words carefully. I was traumatized in my teens when someone I love screamed “I hate you.”
Not to me thank you very much.
But all I could think about was what if that’s the last thing you screamed at someone you love in a fit of anger?
Don’t get me wrong because that might sound all noble and deep but those who know me are very aware that I have angry outbursts.
Coma…head injury…human…not enough therapy…take your pick of why I lack the self-control to be a shining example to my children on a daily basis.
I have been known to say “I dislike you intensely right now.”
Which is not really the best substitute but sometimes it’s all I’ve got. Just keeping it real.
We do, however, allow the occasional “I hate ______” referring to inanimate objects. You know, as in:
I hate vegetables.
I hate roaches.
I hate pollen season in Atlanta.
I hate bookkeeping, accounting and filing taxes.
Thanks, I feel much better now.
Can you tell what I’ve been doing for two days? Yes, I’m a little grouchy.
Okay, maybe a lot grouchy.
I almost forgot to tell you all that a new blog friend, Lynn asked me to write a guest post over at an amusing, relatively new blog called My Teen, The Alien.
It’s about parents and teenagers lying and who does it more.
Let me know what you think.
Anything you hate that you’re willing to share? Come on, tell me…
Read your blog article—you age like fine wine, Friend! Figuratively, I mean, as you are a non-drinker. I’m going to respond to your article rather than the question above (hint: that means the rest of you need to read Sherra’s great article). For some reason, we are led to believe that if we do “all the right things” when our kids are little, that they will turn out “right”—right meaning that they really are as sweet as their school picture implies. It’s just not true, but no one wants to tell you that, and no one likes to share the truth that their family isn’t perfect either. We go around suffering in silence because we think we are the only ones with imperfect children. I’m becoming a specialist in parent/teacher conferences thanks to my youngest, aka Squandered Potential. What I’m finding is that the teachers, even if they are parents themselves, are shocked to discover that I am an educated, caring, active parent who has been trying very hard to work with/on my child. They assume that if he (yes, a boy, no surprise there) is not turning in homework and barely passing classes that I either, #1 don’t care to know or, #2 don’t care to respond. I actually had a teacher tell me yesterday, “I didn’t realize you were doing all these things at home and still not getting any results. I feel so sorry for you.” While her words were meant to be affirming somehow, I still saw that lie hovering in the air above her desk that says, “GOOD PARENTS=GOOD CHILDREN.” Sorry, it just isn’t always true. The sooner we take a sledgehammer to that lie, the better it will be for all of our relationships.
@julieann: If I could, I would record a LOUD, GIANT CHEER for you. But we already know my daughters did not inherit any cheerleading talent. Um, maybe because I don’t have any! Instead…thank you, thank you, thank you for seconding my emotion. Parents need to unite more than ever. Oh, the stories that I could tell (and still may well write) about this subject…we need parental support groups now more than ever but they will only work when we all start telling the truth!
I work with parents of young children (under 5)- each day I hear about all of their trials and tribulations, which I recall seem very difficult as you’re going through them. But… then my own children became teenagers and I’m becoming so jaded. I want to tell them, “Just wait! Your hell is coming!” Presently my 18 year old has dropped out of college and is moving in with her 23 year old boyfriend. He works part-time like she does and has also been living with his parents up until this time- a real go-getter! This is our first born, the one we have put so much time and energy into, the one who scored a 32 on her ACT and had scholarships to colleges, just throwing it all away because, and I quote, “This is what I want to do.” I’m a terrible person for saying this but- I can’t wait till they fail. There is no way that they can pay the bills and continue to live the lifestyles that they are accustomed too. I must admit though- the group of women that I work with all have teenagers and we all ’share’ the joys that we face every day.
@Peggy: Dang, there is still time for you to get to the beach next week
I’m working hard to refrain from sharing the cr*p with mine right now and if it helps at all…I feel your pain!!!
OMG, Peggy! I know that you and Tiny want more for her but I agree with your ‘let them fail’ philosophy. Hang in there! There’s plenty of room for you at the beach with us next week!!!!
Teens can really empty your emotional bank account pretty quickly, can’t they? The deposits become fewer and fewer and the withdrawals become overdrafts. You are certainly not alone, Peggy. If we’re honest, I bet every woman on this blog will admit that her teen children have made some disappointing choices even when given loving guidance and great role models. There is something about having to learn from your own mistakes rather than believing you could be subject to the same fate as someone else. Occasionally the parent is wrong (my mom didn’t want me to marry at age 20 when I still had two years of college left, but I’ve been married 27 years to the same wonderful man and also finished that college degree), but many times the most loving thing you can do is to let life give them a swift kick where it hurts.
Oops! Forgot one thing—go to Amazon and read the first chapter in Nanci Kincaid’s book EAT, DRINK, AND BE FROM MISSISSIPPI. You will so identify with the parents who have raised these children only to have their oldest, scholarship-receiving daughter come home with the news that she’s leaving college and her scholarship behind to move to CA.