Tweens
Wednesday, March 26, 2008, by Sherra
If the Eyre’s Peg System didn’t float your boat last week, here’s “The Wheel.”
I always like to give credit where credit is due as I rarely have an original idea but I just cannot remember where I read about this one. If anyone recognizes it and knows the source, please share it with me.
I do remember they made it with two paper plates and a brad in the center.
(You can find brads in office supply stores in case you’re wondering what the heck a brad is - they’re also called solid brass prong paper fasteners - I like to be thorough with directions; thanks Google.) Or you can rip one off of a pronged pocket folder instead of buying a whole box.
I improved on their version by actually making it on my computer, printing it on card stock and cutting in with a handy, dandy circle cutter I have at home. Doesn’t everyone have a circle cutter?
Okay, so every once in a while I like to be seen as an overachiever when in fact, it was actually easier for me to make it on my much-loved iMac. Added bonus when we changed the jobs, I had saved the file and could make a new one. This is the 3rd or 4th generation of our job wheel.
It looks better hanging on the fridge than the paper plate version.
The job wheel is very easy to implement. You simply take the number of kids you have and create a list of jobs you want them to learn to master around the house. We chose daily jobs and twice-a-week jobs and then paired them up with input from the kids about their degree of difficulty.
I also typed up a detailed description of the expectations of each job and went over it with the children. The job details were put in a sheet protector in our family binder in case someone needed to refer to the checklist of what their job entailed. Sometimes mom or dad had to whip out the job detail and reiterate what was expected.
We started out changing it weekly but I quickly saw that they were not going to master the job in a week. We changed it to monthly and it was easier for all of us.
If someone did not master their job, we reminded them that they could have their job for another month. This usually got them in gear to do a better job because they all do seem to like a little variety in their chores.
We do not change the wheel until everyone had done their jobs with gusto at the end of the month. That way no one took over on a job that had not been done well. Just ask Roger Leroy who came off of two months of kitchen duty.
The job wheel has been much more effective for us than the peg system. We retired the peg system after about three years. But the peg system definitely created a good foundation before the wheel. Morning and evening routines along with their homework were set when we introduced the wheel. We have been using the wheel for 6 plus years and still use the monthly system to this day even though I’ve been too lazy to update the actual wheel. (I know this because the guinea pigs have all died so that job has been replaced.)
One other thing related to our job wheel. Our kids started doing their own laundry when they turned ten. I was inspired to start this fabulous family tradition from a good friend with six children. They actually got a laundry basket with their name on it as part of their birthday presents when they turned eight. I was very impressed by this mom’s ingenuity and ran right home to introduce this exciting event to our kids. Thanks Jeanette!
You will see a day of the week under each kid’s name and that is their laundry day. In addition, in between each set of jobs is “hot whites” or “towels” or “Scary Baby’s” and that meant that that was one additional load of laundry they were responsible for, in addition to their own, for that month.
Scary Baby added herself on the wheel but really has benefited from having five parents and very little responsibility. She rarely appreciates how much we all do for her. The big kids remind me of this often.
This overall system has instilled our personal value system and I know that our three teenagers are some of the hardest working employees who are now all working at part-time jobs.
Do they make their beds every day? Is my house immaculate? Um, yeah, that’s just how we roll at our house. Not.
But we have instilled a work ethic that will stay with them. Life skills that make us proud when they babysit and the mom calls to tell me they cleaned up and vacuumed and they were stunned and didn’t expect them to do that. Kids who can operate a washing machine before they get to college.
Hope this all makes sense. Perhaps it will inspire those of you with younger children to start them off with some household chores that I firmly believe are the responsibility of the whole family and not just mom (and dad)! Questions? Concerns? Comments? Always love to hear what you think…
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Categories: Little Lessons, Teens, Tweens
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Wednesday, March 19, 2008, by Sherra
I am often asked how I get my kids to “voluntarily” do household chores.
That question makes me laugh.
If you’re hoping for an easy, foolproof method to get your kid to help around the house–I got nothing.
But because we’ve been outnumbered since the twins were born, PhilBillPaul and I needed to develop some survival techniques.
Though I have been a mom at home since The Grunter was born, I have also had a homebased business . In addition, I have always had clear boundaries about what I would and would not do. I am all about teaching our kids life skills.
I certainly do not fit the old stereotype of the doting stay-at-home mom. I’m more of the Rosanne variety and often used her famous line “If the kids are alive when my husband comes home, I’ve done my job.”
Order and organization makes me happy. Disorder and chaos create stress for me.
I have had systems and checklists for most everything because they work for me. (Getting them to work for the children is an issue for another post.)
One of my criteria for an effective system is that it can be self-monitoring and always works on the honor system. A system is not suppose to create more work for the supervisor/manager/leader of the said system.
Teaching Your Children Responsibility
by Linda and Richard Eyre is a book that presents a peg system that we found to be very effective. They are parents of NINE so I figured they could teach me a thing or two! I highly recommend any of their books - I found several nuggets that have helped me manage our home through the years.
You can use your creativity (or involve your kids and use their creativity) to create your actual peg system.
Lucky for us, PhilBillPaul loves his power tools and I let him use his creativity with wood and power tools and make the pegs. He basically created the system from the line drawing in the book on page 56. Pegs were attached with fishing line. Be sure they are attached. Don’t give them one more thing to lose.
I just picked the location which was right outside the door of our bedroom in the upstairs hallway.
We fashioned our pegs much the same way as the book suggested. Each child had a morning peg, homework peg, job peg and evening peg. When they completed their morning responsibility which was to make their bed, brush their teeth and be ready for school, they put that peg in. Same basic idea with each of the pegs.
Above the pegs was a small shelf where we had a “family bank” which was an idea also taken from the book. Each night the kids were responsible for filling out a slip of paper and they got ten points for each peg they put in each day. These points were converted on payday but the key here was that each child was responsible for keeping track of their points, having them initialed by mom or dad and put in the bank each day.
Three kids and the honor system works two ways. We’re teaching accountability and personal responsibility. We ended up using this system with some degree of success for about four years.
But be prepared, as with most things, when the “new” wears off, the “fun factor” wears off too.
The age-old tattling system comes in to play.
“The Grunter put his cleaning peg in but he didn’t do his job.”
” Wizzy isn’t finished with her homework and she put her peg in.”
” Roger Leroy didn’t take all her pegs out from yesterday.”
Whatever system you use, remember your goal is teach them. It’s a hard lesson for both sides. The teacher (you, the parent) must let the student (your child) learn to do things for themselves and learn natural consequences.
The points, allowances and/or privileges you decide on will impact their personal motivation for completing their chores and actively contributing to family life.
The book really outlines the system well and you can adapt it to your family and your expectations for your children.
I’d love to hear if you try this system or if you have a system that is working well at your house! I’m especially looking for a good teenager system these days. 
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Categories: Little Lessons, Tweens
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Monday, March 3, 2008, by Sherra
Just another fun-filled weekend at the Humphreys house coming to you in two fun-filled posts…
On Saturday, Scary Baby and a neighbor friend set up a lemonade stand at the edge of the road in our front yard.
I learned about their little business venture after it was all set up and they had sold several cups of lemonade.
When she excitedly brought in the pile of cash they had collected, I had a few questions.
Me: Did you make the lemonade yourself?
(no siblings were home at the time to help)
Scary Baby: Yes
Me: Did you use Kool-Aid?
(I was pretty sure there was none in our pantry.)
Scary Baby: No, I made it myself!
Me: With what?
(I also know there are no lemons in our house.)
Scary Baby: With water, sugar and lemon juice. (rolls eyes)
Me: Eww, how much lemon juice did you use?
Scary Baby: As much as I needed.
Ask a stupid question…
This is what happens when she is unsupervised.
Thankfully, no paint cans or rakes were involved in the lemonade stand.
To the neighbors who purchased the homemade lemonade–my apologies.
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Categories: Finding the Funny, Friends, Tweens
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Monday, February 25, 2008, by Sherra
It was a bad day on Friday for Indiana University basketball fans. Fortunately, for most of my readers, the resignation of head coach Kelvin Sampson didn’t really shake up your day too much.
On the other hand, PhilBillPaul and his mom had to talk at least three times Friday afternoon as they compared notes on what they were reading and hearing. When you are born and raised in Indiana and even after you move to Georgia (and Texas where his mom is), being an IU basketball fan is serious stuff!
We are big basketball fans at our house. Our kids started playing basketball when they were seven which, incidentally, is the age we decided to let them try a sport.
Side note: Unless you count when The Grunter was five and he participated in a one week soccer camp. He had absolutely no idea what to do, where to go or why we made him attend. It was because he was our firstborn experimental child and I had read an article about soccer being the best sport to start your child in–which may be true for many but wasn’t for him.
They all played baseball and softball for several years. Roger Leroy even tried diving her freshman year. The girls run cross country at their high school. Scary Baby just finished her second season of basketball at church. They all know how to play golf, bowl and we’ve had some fierce badminton tournaments in the backyard.
Okay, so you get the idea. They’ve been exposed to a variety of sports and we really are a basketball family.
Basketball has become the primary sport that they all love. I’m sure it has something to do with their dad loving it and coaching them. I was personally delighted because it is an indoor sport which means I don’t have to sit in the rain, sleet, freezing cold or blazing sun.
We are also an oddity among parents in our community. Our kids have always been allowed to pick only one extracurricular activity at a time in addition to their full-time job, which is being a student (for those of you who think we’re endorsing slave labor).
In terms of sheer time management, it was the only way we saw to manage our family, our relationship and our life. One of PhilBillPaul’s favorite lines is “We run the kids, they don’t run us.”
Back to this not being about basketball…
We’ve had some lively discussions over the weekend about the shake-up in Indiana and part of the team not showing up for practice and how and why all these things happened.
Bottom line for us: A coach is a teacher and mentor to the team and the players he works with. He has to be held to a higher standard because of his interaction with our kids. Just like a pastor or politician or any other leader.
When I say “our kids” I mean all of our kids - not just mine. I mean it in the sense of “it takes a village” and we are the village.
If the adults are not setting good examples for our kids then we are left with a society full of kids who think it’s okay to lie, cheat and ignore the rules that we are all suppose to abide by. If the coaches, who are suppose to be helping mold our kids into productive members of society, are breaking rules, then we need to hold their feet to the fire when they screw up.
Yes, everyone makes mistakes. (I don’t have enough time left in my life to write about all the mistakes I’ve made and will continue to make.)
Yes, I also believe in forgiveness.
But I also believe in common sense and like to use it especially when others seem to have lost theirs.
Kelvin Sampson let our kids down. Individually and collectively as a team. During a winning season, he let them down in a big way.
If you want the details of how he let them down and why he has been branded as a cheater, here’s an ESPN column with some strong opinions written by senior writer Pat Forde.
Or here is a Sports Illustrated story with less slant and more facts.
But back to our kids…
It is time now for all the adults involved with these student athletes to step up and support them as they learn this tough life lesson.
Adults they care about and love will let them down. While no one is perfect, the disappointment that comes when someone lets you down is never easy.
We all need to remind them of their own personal responsibility to surround themselves with role models and mentors and friends who walk the walk with honesty and have the courage to do what is right even when it’s not easy.
If Kelvin Sampson was the reason they chose Indiana University, then they need to find a new reason.
Our bigger message to our kids should be that we are here to help them grow into young men and women with character and integrity. And no one can ever take that away from them without their permission.
That message should be loud and clear in the media but unfortunately it usually isn’t the message we read..
Which really means that we all need to to make sure that message is repeated over and over in our own homes…
Meanwhile, it’s nice to meet another Indiana family here in Georgia.
This picture was taken after the girls earned first place in their basketball league championship and finished with an undefeated season. Woo-hoo!
PhilBillPaul, the girls and John, Lisa and Sharté Foy love to display their team colors whenever possible since we live in the land of rabid lovely Bulldog fans who, coincidentally, wear the very same colors.
Life Lesson (LL): It’s never a wrong time to do the right thing. Thanks Uncle Doug.
Share a Life Lesson (SALL): Have you had an opportunity to teach your kids a lesson about doing the right thing using sports or a coach’s behavior as an example? Because it may not feel like a big deal but it is. When you do this, you are doing it for all of our kids. Do tell so I can publicly thank you!
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Categories: Friends, Life Lessons, Moments, Rants, Teens, Tweens
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Monday, February 18, 2008, by Sherra
This is a message of hope for moms with toddlers, tweens or teens who have some version of the strong-willed child. I know the pain of wondering if you are damaging their self-esteem, leaving permanent scars and ruining their childhood.
First a little more background on The Grunter…
He was born with a mild disposition and he slept through the night. He was an unexpected, unplanned joy in our life.
He was our pumpkin.
He became a big brother far sooner than we would have ever planned.
(If we had been planning.)
At 21 months, we brought home, not just one, but TWO baby sisters who invaded his world.
The days flew by and he spent his days letting his sisters touch all of his toys and protecting them from “choking people.” (You know those little Fisher Price® figures that went with the farm and various other toys.) He announced they had “choking people” at least seven times a day to which I would reply, “Thank you, Officer Humphreys.”
He endured being paraded around and photographed with those darn twin sisters. Here is just one of many, many photos he endured while dressed to match his little sisters.
Side parenting tip: It is much easier to count and corral your children in public if you have them dressed alike. I’m sure it also squelches their individuality but that’s a post for another day.
He even endured life when we had the nerve to bring home another sister the year of his 10th birthday. Weren’t two enough?
But he kind of liked this one who appeared to be his very own “twin.”
The above picture is Scary Baby at 6 months, framed picture of The Grunter at six months and The Grunter himself.
It has to be hard, still to this day, living with all these GIRLS! In spite of how he acts on the outside, we have witnessed his kindness and affection for them. On most days, he’s a pretty good big brother. I like to believe that he knows, deep down, that he would have been a lonely boy without his sisters to play with…
I shared all that with you first so you wouldn’t think I’m a bad mom for taking pictures of one of our many struggles. (Remember we’re all here to share not judge.)
I will be the first to admit that I think there is an extra challenge for mothers who are stubborn and strong-willed who are blessed with children who possess those same characteristics. Well, that and God has a sense of humor…
I am guilty of dreaming of having passive, quiet children who obey and never rock the boat. I have friends who have these strange nice children. Such a boring life these people have…sigh.
Instead, I have a boy who continues to challenge us in so many ways.
It seems like it was just yesterday but in fact, it was more than 10 years ago when our little pumpkin wouldn’t eat much of anything. (No comments from you vegetable-lovers please.)
I present you now with one of our favorite family memories. You know those fantastic one-liners your kids utter and you know right then and there that you’ll never forget them from that very moment.
On this day in September of 1997, that line was…
“WHEN WILL THIS NIGHTMARE BE OVER?”
The back story of this sad photo:
We were in a phase at our house where he was having a very hard time eating good meals. Yes, I am one of “those” mothers who often says, “You are NOT sick, you are FINE.” But when this eating problem persisted, I had a change of heart. I really did get worried.
Worried to the point of going to the doctor to make sure he was healthy. After many tests including urine, stool sample, blood work, x-rays and an upper G.I. - a clean bill of health was announced.
Dad made a special trip to the grocery and bought him this specific cereal because it “sounded good.” Unfortunately, the soggy texture of the milk and cereal combination (who knew?) coupled with our insistence that he eat the TINY bowl of cereal created a full-fledged meltdown ending with the now famous line, “When will this nightmare be over?”
For those readers who are concerned about the boy, his cereal and his life now…
Here is our delightful much-loved firstborn on his 18th birthday who never eats cereal and drumroll please…he is FINE!
Life Lesson (LL): Cereal and milk become soggy when not eaten quickly and the trauma of eating the said soggy cereal may cause you to seek out therapy later.
Share a Life Lesson (SALL): What awful things did you make your kids sit at the table and eat? Or better yet, what did your horrible, mean parents make you finish and you are still sharing those memories in therapy with a chosen few? Come on now, don’t be shy - this is a safe place to share!
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Categories: Finding the Funny, Food, Life Lessons, Moments, Teens, Toddlers (& babies), Tweens
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Monday, February 4, 2008, by Sherra
Wow, my plan to have lighthearted and funny posts on Monday has already been derailed.
Finding the funny becomes difficult when your children display poor judgment and make bad decisions.
When the assistant principal calls you on Friday afternoon to discuss discipline problems about two of your four children, the Superbowl party weekend takes on a different tone.
I’ll save the details of the school problems for later. Perhaps later will be when they are married with teenagers. I’m not making any promises though. I can only say that I will respect their privacy for now.
Here’s the thing about teenage problems vs. toddler problems. The timeout chair doesn’t work anymore. The consequences are much longer lasting. The impact of their poor judgment can affect more than just your immediate family.
It is also a time when you, as the parent, question all that you have tried to teach and wonder if they’re going to make it in the world.
Then you have to dig deep to find the consequences to match the actions. And follow through.
Because in the end, following through with the discipline with your kids means more than a minor inconvenience for the parents.
Because putting them on restrictions puts the whole family on restrictions.
For those of you who are still in the toddler or tween stage and haven’t made it to the teen years, it’s like staying home to potty train but oh, so much worse. Because they’re not so cute and funny anymore.
But you know that this really is about teaching them life lessons.
And those monotonous days you wanted to change are the days you wish you could bring back.
“Sure, I’ll read Green Eggs & Ham again.”
I bow to those of you who have made it through this stage.
I wish I had some great tips for those of you approaching this stage.
But in the words of my good friend Ann, “I got nothing.”
And this weekend revealed the answer to the burning question on our Happy New Year card:
Why do we take more pictures of
our two wiener dogs than of our kids?
Because right now, they are cuter and they don’t talk back.
Life Lesson (LL): Just when you relax and think things are going well, teenagers will remind you that they were just lulling you into a false sense of security to see if you’re still paying attention. Especially when you thought you were already paying attention!
Share a Life Lesson (SALL): I am open to (and openly begging for) any constructive suggestions on making it through these teen years without becoming a bitter old woman with a substance abuse problem. Give yourself and your kids code names if necessary just share, please share…
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Categories: Finding the Funny, Life Lessons, Rants, Teens, Toddlers (& babies), Tweens
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Monday, January 28, 2008, by Sherra
Scary Baby has always been good at finding ways to occupy herself. On this day two years ago, we were all inside when we heard an ear-piercing scream in the backyard. By the time Roger Leroy had flung the deck door open to see what was happening, Scary Baby had made it around to the front porch. She was banging on the front door screaming, “I’M BLIND, I’M BLIND.” We opened the door to see this (except she had clothes on and her eyes were shut)…
This is what happens when you beat a can of spray paint with a rake.
PhilBillPaul yelled at Wizzy to go to the basement and get PAINT THINNER.
Sometimes our loved ones do not think clearly when faced with an emergency. PAINT THINNER???
I scooped up Scary Baby and ran upstairs with her and put in her in the bathtub while trying to calm her screaming and saying, “Keep your eyes closed tight and I’m going to rinse them with water. It’s going to be okay…”
Meanwhile, Roger Leroy had gone to the backyard and recovered the evidence–one very dented can of spray paint and a garden rake.
I’m not bragging here but I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you that…poison control said flushing with water was the right move and did not recommend using PAINT THINNER on her skin or hair.
Paint residue remained in her hair for several weeks.
I’m very happy to report her eyesight was not damaged.
Life Lesson (LL):Cans of spray paint, rakes and unsupervised children don’t mix well.
Share a Life Lesson (SALL):Any good stories you can share about leaving a child unsupervised so I can feel better about my slacker mom skills?
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Categories: Finding the Funny, Life Lessons, Moments, Toddlers (& babies), Tweens
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