Nice Dad a.k.a. PhilBillPaul

Monday, June 16, 2008, by Sherra

He has always been a nice dad.

Since he’s not my dad, I didn’t get him a Father’s Day present. Or a card.

Nice Dad always gets me something nice for Mother’s Day. Even though I’m not his mother.

You would think I would reciprocate by getting him something nice.

I’m pretty sure I have in years past. I just forgot this year.

So here’s my attempt to make up for my thoughtlessness.

Lucky for me I have this blog.

Here’s a photo tribute to what a Nice Dad he is…

I love to look back at the pictures and see how
he lit up being a dad, starting with The Grunter.

He didn’t even seem to mind when I dressed
my two handsome guys alike in pink shirts.

It only took him about eight weeks after the twin girls were born…
and a strong threat that he might find himself living in his car…
to jump in and actively participate in parenting two more babies.

Side note: We never call parenting “babysitting.”
BIG issue for me when moms say dad is “babysitting.”
As if I was babysitting while he was working? UGH!

He actually rose to the challenge and put many of the
other dads to shame taking care of his children while my home business grew and he always recognized that I needed time to myself.

That 4th baby just made his heart grow bigger.

Side note: Did anyone notice that in addition to being N-I-C-E,
he doesn’t take a bad picture?

Some day I know our kids will look back and realize what an amazing and involved Nice Dad that they had!

Until then, he’ll just have to take my word for it…

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. –Charles Swindoll

Take a moment to leave a comment and share a great memory about your own dad or the dad of your kids.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend celebrating the fathers in your family. For those of you whose fathers have passed away, I know you fully understand when I say that I miss my dad every day and not just on Father’s Day.

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Categories: Raves, Teens, Toddlers (& babies), Tweens

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Flexible Friday #3 - Being Nine

Friday, June 13, 2008, by Sherra

It’s hard to be nine.

It’s especially hard to be nine when you have three teenage siblings.

And it’s a hot summer day.

Which always makes me think of staying inside and reading a good book.

So I went to a special cabinet in my room to get one of those classic books out for Scary Baby yesterday.

It made me remember being nine and being able to walk to the air-conditioned library in the small town where we lived.

It made me think of some of my favorite books and authors that transported me to another place and made me love reading…as in it is one my most favorite things to do!

We have three out of four kids that devour books like PhilBillPaul and I do. One unnamed teen much prefers TV to a good book.

Nature vs. nurture is alive and well at our house.

Here are some of my all-time favorites that all my kids have read and still love (even the non-reader):

Ramona the Pest by Beverly Cleary
(I love the whole series!)

Encyclopedia Brown, Boy Detective by Donald Sobol
(You don’t have to be a boy to love this series!)

The Boxcar Children by Gertrude Chandler Warner
(might just be my all-time favorite series!)

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl
(fun to read and then watch the *original* movie with Gene Wilder!)

Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing by Judy Blume
(love, love, love all her books!)

The library is a fabulous place to spend some of your hot summer days. Most libraries have great summer reading programs and activities. Books make great gifts at any age.

Have you passed on your love of reading on to your kids?

Share the titles or authors of your favorite childhood books…it’s always fun to get book recommendations!

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Categories: Moments, Random Thoughts, Raves, Tweens

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Little Lesson #6
Day One of Summer

Friday, May 23, 2008, by Sherra

For us, Day One of Summer was officially yesterday.

On Wednesday evening, PhilBillPaul and I enjoyed a lovely dinner out by ourselves and we had an animated discussion on starting the summer off by making a solid, serious plan for regaining control at our house.

Crazy things were discussed like getting our kids to do their chores every day. The chores that we consider a normal part of being a family member.

We got even crazier and thought we would sit down and talk to our lovely children about all of us working together to create a peaceful environment at home. We thought we could all start fresh and have a nice, relaxing summer.

Still trying to help them connect the dots about this simple fact:

“Mom won’t yell if you did the things we’ve asked you to do since you were three.”

We’re tough, I tell you. Here are some of the unreasonable things we keep reminding nagging them about…

“The rules haven’t changed.”

“Beach towels are not to be used as bath towels.”

And my all-time favorite because I just want one place in my whole house untouched by sticky hands and dirty feet…

“Stay out of our bedroom.”

Imagine my delight when we got home to find a water glass on my night stand that wasn’t mine, the TV set at a volume I’ve never listened to in my life and American Idol’s season finale deleted from my Tivo.

Oh yes, Mama Bear said someone has eaten my porridge, slept in my bed and left a big trail of evidence.

I won’t even go into the *story* that we got a.k.a. THE BIG LIE that kept getting bigger.

So our first day of summer was spent contemplating how long two of the three teens are grounded.

So much for our peace treaty.

Okay, I’ll stop now. As you can see, my expectations are way too high. This is all my fault.

Everyone would be a lot happier if I took more Valium and never left my bedroom.

I’ll let you know how Day Two goes…

Little Lesson (LL): The fun never ends.

Share a Little Lesson (SALL): What unreasonable things are you requiring your kids to do this summer? Eating, sleeping and going places doesn’t count.

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Categories: Little Lessons, Rants, Teens, Tweens

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Never Enough Syndrome

Monday, May 12, 2008, by Sherra

At our house, we call it the “Never Enough” syndrome. It seems that no matter what we buy, give or do, it’s “never enough.” If we say yes, they ask for one more thing. If we say midnight, they say “12:30.” If we say pick one, they say “two. If we say pick two, they say “three.”

Okay, you get the idea. Anyone else relate to this syndrome?

Reflecting on a quiet Mother’s Day yesterday and keeping focused on my job as the mean mom with Scary Baby grounded for the day and the teenagers all working, I thought of one of my favorite Erma Bombeck writings. I know it has made its way around the internet email forwarding system many times. Often without proper attribution.

My kids actually read the blog from time to time and I wonder if they’re still too young to really “get it.”

Fellow mean moms get it.

Erma got it.

It’s really worth reading again.

You Don’t Love Me

“You don’t love me!”

How many times have your kids laid that one on you?

And how many times have you, as a parent, resisted the urge to tell them how much?

Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a mother I’ll tell them.

I loved you enough to bug you about where you were going, with whom, and what time you would get home.

I loved you enough to insist you buy a bike with your own money that we could afford and you couldn’t.

I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover your hand-picked friend was a creep.

I loved you enough to make you return a Milky Way with a bite out of it to a drugstore and confess, “I stole this.”

I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your bedroom, a job that would have taken me fifteen minutes.

I loved you enough to say, “Yes, you can go to Disney World on Mother’s Day.”

I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, disgust, and tears in my eyes.

I loved you enough not to make excuses for your lack of respect or your bad manners.

I loved you enough to admit that I was wrong and ask your forgiveness.

I loved you enough to ignore “what every other mother” did or said.

I loved you enough to let you stumble, fall, hurt, and fail.

I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for you own actions, at six, ten, or sixteen.

I loved you enough to figure you would lie about the party being chaperoned, but forgave you for it … after discovering I was right.

I loved you enough to shove you off my lap, let go of your hand, be mute to your pleas … so that you had to stand alone.

I loved you enough to accept you for what you are, not what I wanted you to be.

But most of all, I loved you enough to say no when you hated me for it. That was the hardest part of all.
–Erma Bombeck

I hope all you mean moms (and nice moms) had a wonderful Mother’s Day.

And I hope and pray that my kids know that I have always loved them enough even when it seems like it is never enough…

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Categories: Love Languages, Milestones, Moments, Teens, Tweens

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Longest labor, biggest baby…

Monday, April 21, 2008, by Sherra

She turns nine tomorrow.

That last baby we actually planned.

The one that we waited so long to have because having one + two more in less than three years was daunting.

We strategically planned to have that last baby so that the first three would be old enough to babysit. That plan has served us well.

We also knew that we wanted an even number…um, why? I have no idea why except the first three so close together just threw me off balance.

I was sure #4 would round out our family.

I love, love, love babies.

I did know I wanted to rock and hold and nurse and love just one baby.

Side note: I confess that I did pray that there would only be one baby.

I didn’t know I would have to fight Roger Leroy (a.k.a. Mama Jr.) to get a turn to hold her.

I did know that that last baby would be adored by all of us and she would always be “The Queen.”

I didn’t know how hard it would be for her to have five pseudo parents instead of two. You have to have a lot of personality and a good sense of humor to keep up in our house. Obviously, she can hang with us.

I did know we would see the world through her eyes and she would make us slow down and see beauty in the simple things.

I didn’t know she would be my only girly-girl. But still love dirt and bugs and
caterpillars.

I did know that her daddy had more than enough love for another daughter.
He lights up in her presence.

I didn’t know she would test my patience in ways I never dreamed before the teen years even hit. Big sigh…

I did know that our family would be blessed beyond measure to have her in our world. And having an even number isn’t so odd.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl! You are beautiful and smart and funny.
We all love you to the moon…

xoxo
Mama

P.S. For the observant few, oh yes, that is a giant tattoo on her hand.

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Categories: Milestones, Moments, Raves, Toddlers (& babies), Tweens

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Little Lesson #4 Kids & Clothing

Wednesday, April 2, 2008, by Sherra

Here’s a little wardrobe management tip for those of you with kids young enough to instill some positive, early habits that will serve you all well through high school (hopefully).

With all four of my kids, I have found much success with starting them young on appropriate clothing selection. I’m sure another mother gave me this sage advice but with old age comes a fleeting memory.

Early, before our kids’ school went to uniforms (amen - I’m a huge uniform advocate - I would lobby for them in any school at any age!) we selected school clothes and after school/weekend clothes. Initially, we had separate drawers but then I found this marvelous invention.

Don’t ask me why there is a teddy bear in the Monday cube. I guess you can use it to sort toys?

There were several reasons this system worked great for us:

• It eliminated any early morning battles because mama doesn’t function well in the morning.
• It established a night time routine where they always needed to have their outfit ready for the next day including shoes and socks.
• It was visual so dad could handle the system when mom wasn’t home.
• It set clear expectations for what they could and couldn’t wear to school.
• It was non-negotiable.

We did allow them to have a few of the character or shirts with writing that were not deemed appropriate for school. Nothing mean or nasty, mind you. Rather, the humorous or smartie pants shirts that I’m sure you’ve all seen.

They could wear these on the weekends or they could be sleep shirts.

Side note: The Grunter might just have a shirt that says “I love my wie#%r” with a graphic of a wiener dog. Ann’s son might have received the same shirt as a birthday gift from our family. I’m just saying they might…

I’ve had lively discussions with other mothers about their strong belief in letting their children pick out there own clothes and express their individuality.

Lucky for all of us, we all live in the land of the free and are entitled to our opinion.

Here is mine.

Forget about expressing their individuality. I always said they have PLENTY of time to do that when they get home and on the weekends. Make teachers’ lives easier. The clothing kids are wearing these days is ridiculous.

In addition, uniforms eliminate stress and the competition at school over labels and brands which I’ve always found ridiculous.

Did my kids love uniforms? No. Did I care? No.

They aren’t suppose to love everything. They don’t really love the uniforms they are required to wear for their part-time jobs. They aren’t really allowed to express their individuality at work either. Go figure.

This is the first year that I don’t have any kids in uniforms. I’m grateful that the clothing system was ingrained early in the big kids’ lives. The girls have their outfits out the night before and it is a huge timesaver since they leave the house at 6:30 a.m. (However, they have abandoned their cube organizer.)

Scary Baby has her organizer hanging in the corner where dad mounted it so we can all see that she has her outfit ready. It’s a great week if she actually picks her outfits for the whole week on Sunday night but that doesn’t always happen.

Many stores sell these great organizers. Try Target or Kohl’s.

If your school doesn’t require uniforms, you as the parent, can and should go over what clothing is appropriate for school and then stick to it.

Every school has a dress code and adhering to that dress code is the responsibility of all of us.

From elementary to high school, I continue to be shocked and appalled at some of the “get-ups” I see kids go to school in.

Our kids’ job is to go to school and be a student. Our job as parents is to make sure they are dressed appropriately and I don’t think that should be the subject of a big debate.

Common sense is the answer.

That’s my opinion…what’s yours?

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Categories: Little Lessons, Rants, Teens, Toddlers (& babies), Tweens

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Little Lesson #3
Kids & Responsibility

Wednesday, March 26, 2008, by Sherra

If the Eyre’s Peg System didn’t float your boat last week, here’s “The Wheel.”

I always like to give credit where credit is due as I rarely have an original idea but I just cannot remember where I read about this one. If anyone recognizes it and knows the source, please share it with me.

I do remember they made it with two paper plates and a brad in the center.

(You can find brads in office supply stores in case you’re wondering what the heck a brad is - they’re also called solid brass prong paper fasteners - I like to be thorough with directions; thanks Google.) Or you can rip one off of a pronged pocket folder instead of buying a whole box.

I improved on their version by actually making it on my computer, printing it on card stock and cutting in with a handy, dandy circle cutter I have at home. Doesn’t everyone have a circle cutter?

Okay, so every once in a while I like to be seen as an overachiever when in fact, it was actually easier for me to make it on my much-loved iMac. Added bonus when we changed the jobs, I had saved the file and could make a new one. This is the 3rd or 4th generation of our job wheel.

It looks better hanging on the fridge than the paper plate version.

The job wheel is very easy to implement. You simply take the number of kids you have and create a list of jobs you want them to learn to master around the house. We chose daily jobs and twice-a-week jobs and then paired them up with input from the kids about their degree of difficulty.

I also typed up a detailed description of the expectations of each job and went over it with the children. The job details were put in a sheet protector in our family binder in case someone needed to refer to the checklist of what their job entailed. Sometimes mom or dad had to whip out the job detail and reiterate what was expected.

We started out changing it weekly but I quickly saw that they were not going to master the job in a week. We changed it to monthly and it was easier for all of us.

If someone did not master their job, we reminded them that they could have their job for another month. This usually got them in gear to do a better job because they all do seem to like a little variety in their chores.

We do not change the wheel until everyone had done their jobs with gusto at the end of the month. That way no one took over on a job that had not been done well. Just ask Roger Leroy who came off of two months of kitchen duty.

The job wheel has been much more effective for us than the peg system. We retired the peg system after about three years. But the peg system definitely created a good foundation before the wheel. Morning and evening routines along with their homework were set when we introduced the wheel. We have been using the wheel for 6 plus years and still use the monthly system to this day even though I’ve been too lazy to update the actual wheel. (I know this because the guinea pigs have all died so that job has been replaced.)

One other thing related to our job wheel. Our kids started doing their own laundry when they turned ten. I was inspired to start this fabulous family tradition from a good friend with six children. They actually got a laundry basket with their name on it as part of their birthday presents when they turned eight. I was very impressed by this mom’s ingenuity and ran right home to introduce this exciting event to our kids. Thanks Jeanette!

You will see a day of the week under each kid’s name and that is their laundry day. In addition, in between each set of jobs is “hot whites” or “towels” or “Scary Baby’s” and that meant that that was one additional load of laundry they were responsible for, in addition to their own, for that month.

Scary Baby added herself on the wheel but really has benefited from having five parents and very little responsibility. She rarely appreciates how much we all do for her. The big kids remind me of this often.

This overall system has instilled our personal value system and I know that our three teenagers are some of the hardest working employees who are now all working at part-time jobs.

Do they make their beds every day? Is my house immaculate? Um, yeah, that’s just how we roll at our house. Not.

But we have instilled a work ethic that will stay with them. Life skills that make us proud when they babysit and the mom calls to tell me they cleaned up and vacuumed and they were stunned and didn’t expect them to do that. Kids who can operate a washing machine before they get to college.

Hope this all makes sense. Perhaps it will inspire those of you with younger children to start them off with some household chores that I firmly believe are the responsibility of the whole family and not just mom (and dad)! Questions? Concerns? Comments? Always love to hear what you think…

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Categories: Little Lessons, Teens, Tweens

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Little Lesson #2
Kids & Responsibility

Wednesday, March 19, 2008, by Sherra

I am often asked how I get my kids to “voluntarily” do household chores.

That question makes me laugh.

If you’re hoping for an easy, foolproof method to get your kid to help around the house–I got nothing.

But because we’ve been outnumbered since the twins were born, PhilBillPaul and I needed to develop some survival techniques.

Though I have been a mom at home since The Grunter was born, I have also had a homebased business . In addition, I have always had clear boundaries about what I would and would not do. I am all about teaching our kids life skills.

I certainly do not fit the old stereotype of the doting stay-at-home mom. I’m more of the Rosanne variety and often used her famous line “If the kids are alive when my husband comes home, I’ve done my job.”

Order and organization makes me happy. Disorder and chaos create stress for me.

I have had systems and checklists for most everything because they work for me. (Getting them to work for the children is an issue for another post.)

One of my criteria for an effective system is that it can be self-monitoring and always works on the honor system. A system is not suppose to create more work for the supervisor/manager/leader of the said system.

Teaching Your Children Responsibility by Linda and Richard Eyre is a book that presents a peg system that we found to be very effective. They are parents of NINE so I figured they could teach me a thing or two! I highly recommend any of their books - I found several nuggets that have helped me manage our home through the years.

You can use your creativity (or involve your kids and use their creativity) to create your actual peg system.

Lucky for us, PhilBillPaul loves his power tools and I let him use his creativity with wood and power tools and make the pegs. He basically created the system from the line drawing in the book on page 56. Pegs were attached with fishing line. Be sure they are attached. Don’t give them one more thing to lose.

I just picked the location which was right outside the door of our bedroom in the upstairs hallway.

We fashioned our pegs much the same way as the book suggested. Each child had a morning peg, homework peg, job peg and evening peg. When they completed their morning responsibility which was to make their bed, brush their teeth and be ready for school, they put that peg in. Same basic idea with each of the pegs.

Above the pegs was a small shelf where we had a “family bank” which was an idea also taken from the book. Each night the kids were responsible for filling out a slip of paper and they got ten points for each peg they put in each day. These points were converted on payday but the key here was that each child was responsible for keeping track of their points, having them initialed by mom or dad and put in the bank each day.

Three kids and the honor system works two ways. We’re teaching accountability and personal responsibility. We ended up using this system with some degree of success for about four years.

But be prepared, as with most things, when the “new” wears off, the “fun factor” wears off too.

The age-old tattling system comes in to play.

“The Grunter put his cleaning peg in but he didn’t do his job.”

” Wizzy isn’t finished with her homework and she put her peg in.”

” Roger Leroy didn’t take all her pegs out from yesterday.”

Whatever system you use, remember your goal is teach them. It’s a hard lesson for both sides. The teacher (you, the parent) must let the student (your child) learn to do things for themselves and learn natural consequences.

The points, allowances and/or privileges you decide on will impact their personal motivation for completing their chores and actively contributing to family life.

The book really outlines the system well and you can adapt it to your family and your expectations for your children.

I’d love to hear if you try this system or if you have a system that is working well at your house! I’m especially looking for a good teenager system these days.

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Categories: Little Lessons, Tweens

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Lemonade Stands &
Young Entrepreneurs

Monday, March 3, 2008, by Sherra

Just another fun-filled weekend at the Humphreys house coming to you in two fun-filled posts…

On Saturday, Scary Baby and a neighbor friend set up a lemonade stand at the edge of the road in our front yard.

I learned about their little business venture after it was all set up and they had sold several cups of lemonade.

When she excitedly brought in the pile of cash they had collected, I had a few questions.

Me: Did you make the lemonade yourself?
(no siblings were home at the time to help)

Scary Baby: Yes

Me: Did you use Kool-Aid?
(I was pretty sure there was none in our pantry.)

Scary Baby: No, I made it myself!

Me: With what?
(I also know there are no lemons in our house.)

Scary Baby: With water, sugar and lemon juice. (rolls eyes)

Me: Eww, how much lemon juice did you use?

Scary Baby: As much as I needed.

Ask a stupid question…

This is what happens when she is unsupervised.
Thankfully, no paint cans or rakes were involved in the lemonade stand.

To the neighbors who purchased the homemade lemonade–my apologies.

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Categories: Finding the Funny, Friends, Tweens

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Indiana basketball and our kids

Monday, February 25, 2008, by Sherra

It was a bad day on Friday for Indiana University basketball fans. Fortunately, for most of my readers, the resignation of head coach Kelvin Sampson didn’t really shake up your day too much.

On the other hand, PhilBillPaul and his mom had to talk at least three times Friday afternoon as they compared notes on what they were reading and hearing. When you are born and raised in Indiana and even after you move to Georgia (and Texas where his mom is), being an IU basketball fan is serious stuff!

We are big basketball fans at our house. Our kids started playing basketball when they were seven which, incidentally, is the age we decided to let them try a sport.

Side note: Unless you count when The Grunter was five and he participated in a one week soccer camp. He had absolutely no idea what to do, where to go or why we made him attend. It was because he was our firstborn experimental child and I had read an article about soccer being the best sport to start your child in–which may be true for many but wasn’t for him.

They all played baseball and softball for several years. Roger Leroy even tried diving her freshman year. The girls run cross country at their high school. Scary Baby just finished her second season of basketball at church. They all know how to play golf, bowl and we’ve had some fierce badminton tournaments in the backyard.

Okay, so you get the idea. They’ve been exposed to a variety of sports and we really are a basketball family.

Basketball has become the primary sport that they all love. I’m sure it has something to do with their dad loving it and coaching them. I was personally delighted because it is an indoor sport which means I don’t have to sit in the rain, sleet, freezing cold or blazing sun.

We are also an oddity among parents in our community. Our kids have always been allowed to pick only one extracurricular activity at a time in addition to their full-time job, which is being a student (for those of you who think we’re endorsing slave labor).

In terms of sheer time management, it was the only way we saw to manage our family, our relationship and our life. One of PhilBillPaul’s favorite lines is “We run the kids, they don’t run us.”

Back to this not being about basketball…

We’ve had some lively discussions over the weekend about the shake-up in Indiana and part of the team not showing up for practice and how and why all these things happened.

Bottom line for us: A coach is a teacher and mentor to the team and the players he works with. He has to be held to a higher standard because of his interaction with our kids. Just like a pastor or politician or any other leader.

When I say “our kids” I mean all of our kids - not just mine. I mean it in the sense of “it takes a village” and we are the village.

If the adults are not setting good examples for our kids then we are left with a society full of kids who think it’s okay to lie, cheat and ignore the rules that we are all suppose to abide by. If the coaches, who are suppose to be helping mold our kids into productive members of society, are breaking rules, then we need to hold their feet to the fire when they screw up.

Yes, everyone makes mistakes. (I don’t have enough time left in my life to write about all the mistakes I’ve made and will continue to make.)

Yes, I also believe in forgiveness.

But I also believe in common sense and like to use it especially when others seem to have lost theirs.

Kelvin Sampson let our kids down. Individually and collectively as a team. During a winning season, he let them down in a big way.

If you want the details of how he let them down and why he has been branded as a cheater, here’s an ESPN column with some strong opinions written by senior writer Pat Forde.

Or here is a Sports Illustrated story with less slant and more facts.

But back to our kids…

It is time now for all the adults involved with these student athletes to step up and support them as they learn this tough life lesson.

Adults they care about and love will let them down. While no one is perfect, the disappointment that comes when someone lets you down is never easy.

We all need to remind them of their own personal responsibility to surround themselves with role models and mentors and friends who walk the walk with honesty and have the courage to do what is right even when it’s not easy.

If Kelvin Sampson was the reason they chose Indiana University, then they need to find a new reason.

Our bigger message to our kids should be that we are here to help them grow into young men and women with character and integrity. And no one can ever take that away from them without their permission.

That message should be loud and clear in the media but unfortunately it usually isn’t the message we read..

Which really means that we all need to to make sure that message is repeated over and over in our own homes…

Meanwhile, it’s nice to meet another Indiana family here in Georgia.

This picture was taken after the girls earned first place in their basketball league championship and finished with an undefeated season. Woo-hoo!

PhilBillPaul, the girls and John, Lisa and Sharté Foy love to display their team colors whenever possible since we live in the land of rabid lovely Bulldog fans who, coincidentally, wear the very same colors.

Life Lesson (LL): It’s never a wrong time to do the right thing. Thanks Uncle Doug.

Share a Life Lesson (SALL): Have you had an opportunity to teach your kids a lesson about doing the right thing using sports or a coach’s behavior as an example? Because it may not feel like a big deal but it is. When you do this, you are doing it for all of our kids. Do tell so I can publicly thank you!

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