Teens
Wednesday, July 1, 2009, by Sherra
Scary Baby is back home.
With a new Texas-Bohemian look.
This means the end of The Grunter’s short-lived “I’m an only child again” phase.
It also means he can start blaming one of his sisters for putting the toilet lid up and not flushing.
I kid you not.
While we were in the 3 week “only child” phase, he actually said he did not put the lid up and he always flushes.
He’s totally busted after blaming his sisters for many years that they are sooooooo gross and he always flushes. (I’m just talking about pee here - seriously even my gross kids aren’t that gross.)
Big fat lie.
Totally gross.
But not as gross as what he has to deal with at work.
*** W A R N I N G ***
This may make you stop going to the movies.
Or at least wonder what the heck is wrong with people?
This was our text message conversation with him last week while we were in North Carolina. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried…
Side note: Do not read while eating.
The Grunter (TG): Somebody made a poo on the floor of a theatre again.
Me: A baby or a grown-up poo?
TG: Grown up poo
TG: Or maybe a small horse
Me: Wow did u have to clean it up?
TG: Yes
Me: Where was the poo located specifically?
TG: Located on the floor in the front row.
Me: Did you get a gift card?*
TG: Nope I got nothing
Me: Publix should be looking good right now
Me: Any toilet paper near the pile?
TG: Nope the horse didn’t wipe. His butt is gonna itch…
*This is the 2nd incident. The 1st one he only smelled but never located until a movie patron located it IN A SEAT where they sat down IN IT. When the 3 lucky employees had to clean it up, they all got generous gift cards from the managers.
PhilBillPaul affectionately refers to this as a “Code Brown” from his year of hotel employment when they would walkie talkie each other when there was an incident in the pool. (Caddyshack anyone?)
Soon, I will be unable to function in public.
For some reason, our family (Grandma included) finds this cry-tears funny but also utterly disgusting. We actually made him call Grandma and relay the story to her on the phone after dinner last night.
Let me tell you, I inspect the seats before sitting down now.
Grandma has a good visual in her head of some poor soul (like me) walking in with thin sandals and slipping in the floor variety. (I’m trying to refrain from using the word “poo” too many times.)
So many unanswered questions.
WHO? WHEN? And most of all…WHY?
Anyone? Anyone?
I tell you he really earns those free movie tickets.
Another proud mom moment.
Thanks for letting me share.
Leave a comment and let me know if you laughed or you unsubscribe now.
Just sharing our real life. 
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Categories: Finding the Funny, Rants, Teens
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Monday, June 29, 2009, by Sherra
Just doing our part to keep our relationship with Sprint fresh and new.
As in…we’ve renewed our vows that we took way back in 2000. That means, two more years of our already long-term relationship.
We got the girls new phones for their birthday and The Grunter and PhilBillPaul didn’t want to be left out.
I admit that their new Samsung Rant phones seem pretty slick. What with the sliding keyboard - now standard on many phones. I’m pretty partial to Wizzy’s. I think she picked the best color.
I figured the advantages of all of them having the same phones were numerous. They can share chargers and swap cases. More importantly, they can tutor Dad because Cellular Phil (that’s what I call him when he shouts into his phone “Can you hear me now”) needs tutoring. There are just too many features on these newfangled gadgets for him to figure it all out.
I have threatened to get him one of those Jitterbug phones or something similar. He often finds himself in a quandary because he can’t read the text messages because he can’t find his glasses.
I think it is an appropriate solution to his dwindling eyesight but coupled with his hearing loss, he just gets all grouchy and takes it personally declaring
“I don’t need a dog yet.”
“Yet” is the operative word here.
Anyway…
Much like the ipod, I had a smart phone with a keyboard way before the kids all wanted one. “So geeky, mom” is a comment I recall hearing.
Now it seems you are a total geek if you don’t have a phone with a keyboard.
So…are you a texting mom or are you still a holdout and refuse to communicate in teen speak?
No judgment - remember I’m still holding out on the Facebook *fad* that might pass.
Or not.
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Categories: Finding the Funny, Teens
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Wednesday, June 24, 2009, by Sherra
I hate math but I’m pretty sure that’s right.
Because I’ve been counting the years one by one of this job I’ve been in for almost 20 years.
Longest streak of gainful employment for me.
Raising human beings does qualify as gainful employment.
It feels kind of weird when you work yourself out of a job.
But that was the original goal 18 years ago.
To teach life skills and send them off on their own.
Those precious tiny babies that turned into pesky teenagers.
I never could have predicted that those darling twins would become Soldiers.
Or that their 18th summer would be spent fulfilling 18 training requirements none of which include what most of their friends are doing like going to the pool, the mall, the movies or the beach.
They’ll have to save all that for next summer.
Instead, the gas chamber exercise and proudly declaring, “I didn’t throw up” is a highlight of their summer.
Completing 3, 5, 8, 10 and 15K foot marches…
An obstacle course, marksmanship and throwing two live grenades are things they will forever remember.
I never could have predicted that I wouldn’t be able to talk to them on their 18th birthday.
Instead, I had to send them each a card.
That was really a mini photo album that I hope makes them smile.
With a letter written in the back telling them how much we miss them and love them.
And how very proud we are of the women they are becoming…
Hug your kids for me today and please send up a little prayer for mine…
P.S. The Grunter and Scary Baby are still at home so technically, I’m still employed but I am looking for a job outside the home that will utilize all my amazing people and management skills. Call me if you have an opening.
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Categories: Milestones, Teens
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Monday, June 8, 2009, by Sherra
Her suitcase has been packed since the day we told her she was going…
Which was last Tuesday.
She left yesterday.
But before PhilBillPaul put her on a plane on Sunday afternoon…
He took her up to the North Georgia mountains for some quality Dad/Daughter time…
Ahem. Yes, he did. On that girlfriend.
I wish I had a close-up photo of that wiener dog tattoo she plastered on her left cheek. Really a nice look.
Remember, I lost control a long time ago.
Scary Baby is now at Granny’s house in Texas.
For the record, I have never, ever sent any of my kids anywhere without one of us.
Well, the twins did get to go to Tampa on their 16th birthday which was a giant step of freedom and now looking back, may have begun the downward spiral?
Anyway, we’ve gone from six to three in a matter of two weeks.
It’s just me and PhilBillPaul and The Grunter.
It occurred to me on Sunday afternoon that we have come full circle because 18 years ago in June - at least until the 25th, The Grunter was an only child. He will get to experience that again, but only for a couple of weeks.
No…I’m actually not crying, thank you very much.
I’m quietly rejoicing in the silence in my house. I might even sneak away on a little trip myself.
Thank you Granny for being brave enough to fly Scary Baby to your house and give us a much needed parenting break!!!!!!!!
It’s only June but this has been the longest year of my life…
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Categories: Finding the Funny, Moments, Teens, Tweens
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Friday, June 5, 2009, by Sherra
But I told PhilBillPaul in the early years not to waste money on flowers - I’m just not a good flower receiver.
Don’t misunderstand me. I’m appreciative of the rose or two he brings me from time to time. I know it is a sweet gesture. But he learned long ago that a dozen roses is not my love language.
Still, Mr. Wonderful is always on the lookout for original, thoughtful gifts for me. This week, maybe because the darling twins are gone, or maybe just because he loves me…
Here is what he brought home for me…
He was so proud of these purchases. He found this wholesale store that has bargains galore. In case you can’t see, the clothespins were a dollar.
Side note: I do not hang clothes outside to dry. We use them for chip bag clips. Obviously…we have a lot of chips.
The Grunter happily modeled my favorite gift of all.
Well, sort of.
I think since they have the American Flag on them, PhilBillPaul should go back to this amazing store and get everyone in the family their own (also ONE dollar). We can wear them to the darling twins’ Basic Training graduation which is outside in August and it might rain.
It will be a proud moment. I’ll be sure and take pictures.
Let me know if you want PhilBillPaul to pick up any clothespins, umbrella hats or $3 squeeze breezes for you when he goes back to the store…
P.S. I’d give the store a plug but he doesn’t actually know the name of it.
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Categories: Finding the Funny, Teens
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Wednesday, June 3, 2009, by Sherra
This could also be titled “Our Humpfreeze Holiday Letter in May that forgets to talk about the two other children we have because the world has been revolving around the darling twins for pretty much their whole senior year.”
But that title is way too long.
If you are one of the last three people on earth who I forgot to send a graduation announcement to or you haven’t called or email for the complete story…
Here is the condensed version of the darling twins’ decision to join the Army National Guard because so many people have asked us questions about the whole process.
Sidenote: They are now at Basic Training and receiving mail is a BIG DEAL. Since they have no access to the internet, i.e. Facebook and email {GASP} or cell phone, i.e. texting and more texting {DOUBLE GASP}, the old-fashioned letter is their lifeline to the outside world for the next nine weeks. If you would like to send them a card or a letter, I know they would be thrilled. Just email me and I’ll send you their address!
********
We’re very proud to share a little about Roger Leroy & Wizzy’s decisions for college and joining the Army National Guard as many people have had questions.
We had privately discussed military service with each of our teenagers in the past several years. They both decided separately in mid February to join the Army National Guard both for the educational and leadership opportunities that are available to them through service in the military.
They then figured out together that if they picked the same Military Occupational Specialty (MOS) they could go to Basic Training and attend their Advanced Individualized Training (AIT) together.
This was a time of their lives when we thought they would be going down separate paths and perhaps living apart from each other for the first time in their twin lives. We are very thankful that they will be together to support each other through this new season.
They shipped for Basic Training on May 27th, just six days
after their high school graduation and will be gone for 10 weeks.
Upon returning, they have both been accepted and will attend
North Georgia College & State University in Dahlonega, Georgia in the Corp of Cadets - it is one of only six senior military colleges in the U.S.
After their first semester in college and coming home for the holidays, they will spend almost 5 months in Arizona where they will complete their AIT specializing as Human Intelligence Collectors.
In April, Roger Leroy was awarded the Georgia Military Scholarship which is a full four year scholarship! She will graduate as a commissioned officer and serve an additional four years in the Army or National Guard.
Wizzy may choose this same path after her first semester but for now, will serve two additional years after graduation.
This feels a little like a FAQ page which we don’t mind at all.
People are curious and most have been kind and supportive.
Big decisions, big changes in our family - thanks for letting me fill you in.
We hope this finds you and your loved ones happy and well.
Thank you all for your love, support and prayers.
Side note #2: I know that sounded all cheery and bright but in the interest of my sister and a few others I know who are struggling with teenagers…the last month of May with the darling twins nearly started a drinking binge that I don’t think I would have been able to stop.
PhilBillPaul has announced to several people that we’ll need a few weeks to really start missing them. He has also been overheard quoting that lovely saying that I’m paraphrasing…
“Parents of teenagers know why animals eat their young.”
Truly, we are very proud of them.
Truly, we are mentally exhausted.
Truly, I’m saving the really bad stories for the book or when telling will not jeopardize their future.
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Categories: Raves, Teens
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Thursday, May 28, 2009, by Sherra
Here’s how PhilBillPaul helped while I made one of our final family dinners before the darling twins left for Boot Camp.
He introduced both of our mothers to his girlfriend…
Yes, friends and relatives, that is MY MOTHER riding with PhilBillPaul and his girlfriend. People who know her will understand the shock of this photo.
Rumor has it that Grandma Hannah actually whispered these words to PhilBillPaul when he asked her if she had fun as they were coming in the house:
“Maybe we could do that again before I leave”
And not to be outdone by Grandma Hannah, Granny Sandy jumped on next.
They zoomed by me in a blur.
Or maybe they weren’t going all that fast…and it was my bad photography skillz as I thought we really don’t need to have a motorcycle accident the day before graduation, DO WE?
Luckily, they all arrived back home safe and sound. Because PhilBillPaul is
a very safe driver.
I did not intend to take a 10 day blogging hiatus.
Really, I didn’t.
There is so much to tell. So much to share. So many new gray hairs.
I promise to catch up and get back in a *normal* routine…
Next week.
After I sleep for about 72 hours this weekend.
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Categories: Finding the Funny, Teens
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Monday, May 18, 2009, by Sherra
So I found out that at least one of the darling twins who shall remain nameless was telling everyone that there would be a bar at their graduation party.
This is extra funny since I don’t drink.
And do not condone minor drinking.
In spite of that…
We did have two bars at their party last Friday.
Bar #1 ~ A Taco Bar
The crockpots full of meat were shredded chicken, pork and beef. I did not want to use the oven for anything on the day of the party so this worked out well.
If you are interested in the recipes which received rave reviews, just click below:
I also made mexican rice and black beans neither of which I eat but friends said were good. Fresh tortilla chips, salsa, crispy taco shells and shredded cheese from our favorite local Mexican restaurant rounded out the taco bar.
Side note: Thank goodness for great neighbors who loaned us crockpots and great serving dishes to keep costs down.
Bar #2 ~ A Candy Bar
It seemed to be a big hit with all ages.
This kid cracks me up every time I see him.
I was pretty sure we couldn’t go wrong with a candy bar!
Even if the cute little graduation caps melted on the sticks and slid down to the bottom because it was 85 degrees that day. Let’s not talk about our air conditioning problems right now, kay? 
The high school colors are maroon, navy blue and gold.
Did you know it is very hard to find navy or royal blue sugar?
I had found this cool place on the internet near us and we went last Monday - the exact same day that blogging rockstar and cake pop queen Bakerella featured the store. I think we should be friends and I really think I should have emailed her and asked begged her to come and make cake pops or cupcake bites for the party.
Because this is what my feeble attempt looked like.
Which may not look all that bad to you if you’ve never seen Bakerella’s adorable creations. I’m not encouraging you to but if you must you can click over to her site and confirm yet another calling I really didn’t miss.
We had red velvet with cream cheese frosting and lemon with lemon frosting. Everyone was fascinated that you could eat the whole thing - I should have made a tent card that said “Entirely edible” because people tried to peel the bottom like it was cupcake paper but it was actually melted white chocolate.
Or I could have just ordered a cake from Costco. Yeah, I considered that after making three test batches of cake pop blobs.
We called these Triple Chocolate Army Helmets.
Even though we made them in a truffle mold. Yeah, helmets - way more appropriate then truffles on sticks.
We added PhilBillPaul and Scary Baby’s patriotic pretzels and the candy bar served its purpose.
The party was lovely. Really it was.
Now if we can get through the graduation on Thursday…
P.S. Though there was no official *bar*, PhilBillPaul did serve a few Mexican beers to the grownups.
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Categories: Finding the Funny, Food, Friends, Milestones, Moments, Teens
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Friday, May 15, 2009, by Sherra
If you’ve emailed me and I haven’t responded…
Or you’ve called and left a message…
In the last few weeks…
I’ve been a little busy…
Supervising…
Crockpots full of meat
Meat tasters
Pretzel makers
Dividing candy up in glass containers.
And a few other odds and ends.
The last minute, no-stress “you don’t have to do anything mom” party may actually be going on as you read this.
Side note: If you are local and we forgot to invite you, please, please just drop by ~ 4:00 pm - 8:00 pm. It was truly last minute and we have plenty of meat…in crockpots.
I’ll be back on Monday with party pictures and maybe even a recipe or two (gasp) if you’re interested.
Granny arrives from Texas on Saturday.
Grandma arrives from Illinois on Tuesday.
Graduation is on Thursday.
The darling twins leave for basic training the following Wednesday.
I will email and call everyone back in June.
I promise.
I can also promise that in June I will stop talking about the darling twins graduation!
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Categories: Moments, Teens
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Monday, May 11, 2009, by Sherra
Mother’s Day 2009 is imprinted in my memory.
Not for the usual reasons of past years in my “perfect” life.
Side note: A few weeks ago, my sister and a friend told me that they think I should be more real because everything at my house always sounds so good.
I laughed at them but was a little puzzled. I guess me writing about spiraling into depression, getting a phone call from the high school principal and taking xanax now and again is too upbeat and perky for some people.
Yeah, I’ll work on that
Back to Mother’s Day. In past years, Saint PhilBillPaul has had the kids make me breakfast in bed and make lovely homemade cards, taken me out for brunch or dinner and all the other cliché but wonderful things that moms love.
This year…
not so much.
But in the midst of the day, I did receive this heartfelt and touching card.
WARNING
Do not scroll down if you are eating or if you are offended by super short shorts.
That’s my girl. And I especially love how she signed with her last initial “H” because otherwise I wouldn’t have known who it was from.
Roger Leroy has inherited the same warped sense of humor that the rest of us have.
The card is a winner even if Mother’s Day wasn’t.
I’m saving some of my more real venting for a later date.
Perhaps in about two weeks and two days.
Because that’s how much time is left before the darling twins have here at home with us before they graduate and then ship to basic training.
For now, I’m still trying to respect their privacy.
Until then, please leave a comment and share some warm, fuzzy Mother’s Day moments that will help me remember when they were tiny and cute.
P.S. Scary Baby did make me a sweet book of poems at school in her handwriting complete with her own drawings!
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Categories: Finding the Funny, Rants, Teens
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