Bad TV Update

Can we review the question I posed in February when I revealed my unhealthy addiction to The Bachelor?

“Which person do you want to bring home to your parents and will fit in with your family, friends, lifestyle and personal values?”

Vienna Sausage is that GIRL?!!

Seriously?!!

Fit in with your family?

Fit in with your friends?

Fit in with lifestyle?

Fit in with your personal values?

That would be no, no, no and no according to everything we saw and what he revealed about himself.

And especially after we saw his whole family.

Jake the Rebel

He decided to play the role of “bad boy” and pick the “dirty girl”.

Wrong on so many levels but I’m sure I’ll tune into their wedding next year.

That will probably be after I enter a 12-step recovery program to break this addiction after fast forwarding through those 3 hours last night.

And if I didn’t get enough of Jake during this lame, lame season…

ABC has the audacity to have him as one of the contestants on Dancing With The Stars.

Or as I like to call it “Dancing With The Stars Who Are Sometimes Not Stars or Have Never Been Stars.”

Which will now live up to its title by including Kate Gosselin and Jake. Why didn’t they round it out with the Octomom for an even dozen contestants?

I can totally picture Jake and Pamela Anderson hitting it off. It’s a shame they can’t be partners.

The only word I can think of to describe the whole thing right now…

Icky.

P.S. For a play-by-play of the whole excruciating finale without having to watch it – don’t miss i hate green beans very funny recap of the whole thing.

Just Another Saturday Night

We spent time with our only child – Scary Baby – who has informed us that she’s not really enjoying her special time as an only child.

Her words: “I’m still not getting any attention.”

Wow, another resounding endorsement of our parenting skills. Not that we’re listing her as a reference.

We get this text as we were leaving Jenna’s basketball game…

Wizzy (6:27 pm): Messed up my foot im on the way to the er. Im hurtin

Nothing like having your kid at the Emergency Room a few states away. Obviously, we’re still new at this separation thing.

*****

Next, the Grunter calls during dinner and asks if we can bring his prescription to work for him.

Side note: After the steroid shot and new antibiotic, he proceeded to break out in hives last week. Which got him another round of steroids which is what he forgot to take to work after missing two weeks.

While we waited to hear how Wizzy was doing and spent more quality time with Scary Baby at dinner and grocery store, we stopped by the house and picked up The Grunter’s medicine.

This was our text message exchange:

Me: Confirm w/me what u need us to bring u

Everett: My steroid with the pink cap

Me: Can u come to mall door when we get there?

no response

Me: We’re on our way & we will leave it in the first potted plant on the right when u walk out if u can’t meet us at main mall door.

Everett: I cannot come out. If you can’t bring it up to door then don’t bother with something stupid. I just won’t take it.

Me: Baby

no response

Me: Have the hives zapped ur sense of humor?

The Grunter: Yessir

Almost at this same moment, Roger Leroy sent me this text:

Roger Leroy (9:27 pm): The xray was fine. And she just hurt the ligaments and she should be fine.

*****

Sunday afternoon’s live conversation…

Me: You were kind of ugly about your medicine when we were going out of our way to bring it to you, don’t you think?

The Grunter: I can’t leave when I’m working.

Me: OH PLEASE. I’ve seen you all at work. Don’t tell me you can’t say “Hey, I’ll be back in 5 minutes, I’ve gotta run to the front door…hold my broom, will ya?”

The Grunter: I CAN’T.

Me: It’s not like you’re on high security detail at the movies. Give me a break. You could be a little nicer when we were helping you out!

The Grunter: Bye.

Me: Have a lovely day pumpkin.

*****

Sunday night’s email picture update:

And finally, this sweet little status on Roger Leroy’s Facebook that I saw on Saturday night after all the fun…

Sweet on the surface.

Until I asked her what she missed about home. And she clarified that she meant she missed…

Georgia.

Yes, this is my real life.

How was your weekend?

Tired and Listless

How would we know if The Grunter has mono?

He’s been tired and listless for years.

He goes at one speed.

S-L-O-W

Like father, like son. No truer words have been spoken.

Happy and relieved to report that his blood test from Monday’s doctor appointment came back normal.

I had flashbacks of days with toddlers and sleepless nights, after he woke me up at 3:00 am and 5:30 am Wednesday night/Thursday morning with Scary Baby joining me in bed at 5:45 am.

I’m way too old for this.

Please remember that he is TWENTY years old.

The Grunter told me his throat was swelling shut and he could barely swallow. He and Scary Baby share the “drama gene” so I did what I do best. In my most caring nurse’s voice I said:

“Sip water from a straw and go back to bed and we’ll call the doctor when they open.”

Side note: When he was 3 years old, he fell out of his bed in the middle of the night and hit his head on his dresser. In the dark, we told him to go back to bed. In the morning we discovered he had a huge goose egg on his forehead. Please don’t call DFACS, I’m pretty sure the statute of limitations has run out. The guilt has not.

After a re-evaluation appointment, it seems he does have a raging case of tonsilitis and they are almost touching. Total heebie jeebies.

A new antibiotic and a steroid shot in his rear we think he’s on the upswing.

Praying for sleep for all of us this weekend! Have a good one…

Freeze at the Humpfreeze

Mini life update from the Humpfreeze house…

Flooded basement from all the rain.

PhilBillPaul has been sucking up gallons of water for over a week.

Rain turned to snow.

Blizzard in Atlanta. FOUR INCHES OF SNOW. (In case you didn’t hear.)

Okay, maybe it was more like two inches.

Scary Baby loved it! Poor southern snow-deprived child.

I want to move to Hawaii.

The Pumpkin has been sick for a week. We hope it’s not mono.

The darling twins and I have to discuss and review our favorite comedy TV show {The Bachelor} long distance now. They are settled and doing well in Arizona.

The Olympics are on and I have to watch all these winter sports I never watch except when the Olympics are on.

Thanks Karen for the heads up on my favorite Oompa Loompa who will be competing on Wednesday!

Straight from his website…

Louie will line up at the top of the superpipe among all of the snowboard Olympic athletes on Wednesday February 17th for the 2010 Winter Olympic Halfpipe finals. The event will be televised LIVE on NBC beginning at 8PM PST.

Obviously, I’m booked solid this week. Are you watching the Olympics? What’s your favorite event?

Broken Snuggie

The Grunter insists The Snuggie™ that Granny sent him is broken.

How is the multi-million dollar blanket defective, I asked him?

“Air passes through it and it doesn’t keep me warm.”

I’ve never wanted to wear a blanket so I wasn’t that attracted to their biggest marketing feature. (Remarkably similar to a poncho…which I also never wanted to wear…even though it seems to have made a fashion comeback.)

Admittedly, the cheetah print is very fashion-forward.

But seriously…what’s the point of a blanket that doesn’t keep you warm?

Anyone else have a broken Snuggie or did The Grunter get the only defective one?

Sugar and Spice Whips the Boys

We’re in countdown mode here at the Humpfreeze house as the darling twins will be leaving next week for 5 months in Arizona. It’s time for their military job training for the Army National Guard.

I won’t bore you with the military’s second language consisting mostly of acronyms about AIT and what their MOS is and their last weekend of RSP.

What I will bore you with is how the darling twins along with their friend Jenna kicked some serious butt at their weekend drill in December. It was family day and I was home sick but PhilBillPaul and Scary Baby went. And luckily Jenna’s family brought their camera. Thank you Ed and Dar!

Nothing like a little friendly competition among soldiers. It’s important to know that the group consisted of about 100 males and less than 20 females.

A little tug-of-war.

Some physical training.

Combatives.

Plus a variety of other events and challenges. In the end, the girls shined!

A total of 5 trophies were given out and 3 were given to our girls…

3 point shoot out:
First Place ~ Lizzie

Drill & Ceremony:
First Place ~ Rachel

Pugil Stick:
First Place ~ Jenna

PLUS Jenna also received a medal for basketball. At the end of the day, she was the only one to receive two awards!

I’m not sure their recruiter really understood that he landed 3 golden female recruits and since I’m the mom of two of them, my opinion appears to be a little biased!

When I asked him if he was beaming with pride at his 3 lovely recruits kicking some butt …

Him: “They surprised everyone including me.”

Me: “I beg your pardon? You didn’t expect them to shine?”

Him: “I didn’t expect them to dominate”

No surprise for us.

The Army National Guard is lucky to have these three amazing female soldiers. We already knew that.

I’m pretty sure the trophies were a little cheesy and mostly for the families’ benefit. While we appreciate the gesture, we don’t need trophies to remind us of how incredibly proud we are of our daughters!

Tubing in the Winter

Seems many folk think that when you say you are taking your family tubing in January in the South that they think you are referring to tubing in a river in ice cold water – which, by the way, is often ice cold water in the summer.

News flash, in addition to sledding on cardboard boxes, garbage can lids and air mattresses, we are actually within driving distance of…

SNOW Tubing

Woo-hoo!

We planned a family day to drive to North Carolina to play in the snow. We wanted to do something fun with the kids before the darling twins are off again on their next adventure – this time to Arizona for 5 months for their Army National Guard job training.

This was no small feat because we had to find a day that none of them had to work and before The Grunter’s new classes started. Oh, and we still have that precious Scary Baby in elementary school. And we didn’t want to fight the weekend crowds because I hate crowds.

No problem, PhilBillPaul and Scary Baby were gracious enough to take a “day off” from their regularly scheduled life and we headed to Tube World on a day where Atlanta was preparing for a blizzard (2 inches of snow predicted)!

First though, about 10 hours were spent trying to locate Mr. Humpfreeze’s Lands’ End squall jacket. Never found.

Please do not ask how you lose a winter coat. My mom already did. It’s a very sensitive subject right now.

Next, two hours at Walmart buying 4 pairs of gloves because any winter items here are lost like socks in the dryer. And boots because my Lands’ End squall boots went missing too.

Fun! Fun! Fun!

The tubes go way faster than you might think.

Tube World is first class all the way with their moving carpet lift so you don’t have to WALK back up the hill!

I skipped a few rides up the moving carpet so I could snap some pictures as they came down.

My glasses were iced over so I took some pictures of other people’s kids. I’m not sure any of those pin dots are my family.

I think this is part of my family…

I think I know these people…

The $1.50 face mask was the best money spent for Scary Baby. Though she didn’t take kindly to the Tube World teen staff calling her “little man”.

Might be because she also had her brother’s old winter coat on. She did take the face mask off during one ride so they could see that she was a GIRL!

We drove home in semi-treacherous weather. Any snow is a blizzard to my kids. The roads were slick and turning to ice. Scary Baby got a snow day on Friday which was a bonus.

Here’s how much snow was on the deck when we arrived home.

A solid inch – look closely. Wizzy ran right out to eat some fresh snow.

Southern babies – it’s fun to see snow through their eyes.

What did Atlanta folk do with all our snow here last week? To those of you who live in a cold winter state…do you take advantage of playing in the snow?

Holiday Food Highlights

Food

It’s standard to say food was a highlight, right?

In addition to the pre-holiday baking frenzy, I dug deep and tapped into my inner Suzy Homemaker since we were all gathered together and cooked real meals. Scary but true. I took no pictures of food since you already know how great my photography skills are.

We had our traditional holiday food which include:

• Fondue on Christmas Eve
• Sausage & egg casserole
• Cheesy potatoes twice
• Cajun Chex Mix x 6 batches (3 batches were given away)

Recipes

But I also tried a couple of new recipes mixed with some old favorites. I’m listing some of the meals here for posterity and to remind the kids that in December 2009, I DID COOK.

Potato Soup and Cheesy Beer Bread
I loved both – the girls said the bread was not their favorite.
Mozzarella Stuffed Meatballs with Spaghetti
The girls all loved the meatballs – they were okay to me. The Grunter doesn’t eat ground beef or pasta.
Hot Colby Ham Sandwiches*
PhilBillPaul is not a sandwich guy so it was an exciting moment when I made these for dinner and he liked them and everyone else did too. These were such a hit that I made them for again for New Year’s Eve.
Homemade lasagna with extra cheese
Per the girls request – not a food for the boys. I had one small piece and the pan was gone the next day. No recipe, I just always make it up as I go.
Cocktail Meatballs
Is there anyone left on earth who hasn’t made these – the easiest, weirdest ingredients you dump in the crockpot and they actually taste good?!
Mini Turkey Cranberry Cheese Crescent Somethings
I made these up to use the frozen leftover turkey breast from Thanksgiving. The Grunter even ate one. You can’t go wrong with crescent roll dough.
Buffalo Chicken Wing Dip
They were scrapping the pan for more and PhilBillPaul has requested it for Superbowl. I used ranch dressing and mozzarella because we don’t do bleu cheese! I used less than 1/3 C of the hot sauce and it was fine for us. We don’t like anything super hot.
Warning: Website with recipe has automatic music – a personal pet peeve

*Here is the recipe for the sandwiches that are definitely being added to our family menu and the Superbowl party…I used Sara Lee Soft Dinner Rolls ~ 12 in a pack and they made perfect small sandwiches.

Hot Colby Ham Sandwiches

1/2 C butter, melted
2 T prepared mustard
1 T dried minced onions
1 T poppy seeds
2 to 3 t sugar
15 dinner rolls (about 3-inch diameter) sliced
15 slices colby cheese
15 thin slices deli ham (about 1 pound)
2 C (8 oz) shredded mozzarella cheese

In a small bowl, combine the butter, mustard, onion, poppy seeds and sugar. Place roll bottoms, cut side up, in an ungreased 15 x 10 x 1 baking pan. Top each with colby cheese, ham and mozzarella cheese. Drizzle with half of the butter mixture.

Replace roll tops. Drizzle with remaining butter mixture. Bake, uncovered at 350º for 10-15 minutes or until cheese is melted. Yield: 15 servings.

Recipe from Quick Cooking, May/June 2004

I’m now going into hibernation for the rest of winter because I think I cooked more in one month than I did the whole year and I’m tired.

Are you fully recovered from the holidays? List of resolutions for 2010?

Holiday Highlights

The Grunter was the proud recipient of Scary Baby’s re-gifting prank. She ran out of money bought candy and didn’t get him a gift. On Christmas Eve she ran to her room and quickly wrapped something to give him.

We all knew it was a re-gift. She loves to give. I was thinking maybe a stuffed animal or some art supplies.

Instead, she gave him…

A two piece bathing suit.

Just what he always wanted. She thought this was the hysterical high point of Christmas morning.

It might have been but you shouldn’t try to punk your brother like that. He’s likely to get you back.

He quietly went into the bathroom and came out donning the two piece swimsuit.

Yes, it was odd that it fit.

But he is a skinny white boy just like his father.

You will have to use your imagination as to what this sight for sore eyes looked like.

Because I only emailed the pictures to immediate family.

I wish I had an audiotape of the uproar at my sister’s house when they gathered round my niece’s computer to see pictures of our pumpkin.

I bet Scary Baby will remember to get him a new present next year!

In other Grunter holiday news…

He bought the family a new game. And insisted we all play it on Christmas Eve. Everyone has played it several times and it is no small miracle to have a game that the adults, semi-adults and the 10 year old can play together.

Plus we added another game to our cabinet because my sister and mother said it was a “fun for all ages” game they all played on Christmas afternoon.

We had plenty of extra people in and out visiting and most all who came had to play. Really, you probably shouldn’t come to our house if you don’t like to play games with super loud, competitive people.

Then to end 2009 with a bang, we had another family and about 10 of the kids friends over for an impromptu New Year’s Eve party. Scary Baby and I braved the crowds at Walmart and Target to gather food and blowers while PhilBillPaul cleaned up the house.

A little Euchre, more Quelf and Apples to Apples plus the kids set up Rock Band and some other video games in the basement.

Other Miscellaneous Highlights…

Read two books, watched a ton of football and saw two movies. The movies were swamped with the new releases so we didn’t break our record from last year. We both enjoyed “Up in the Air” and “It’s Complicated”. I give them both Bs.

The girls also went ice skating and roller skating (twice).

Roger Leroy squeezed in a 7 hour defensive driving class on December 30th compliments of her speeding ticket up at college.

All of this and the kids all worked 25+ hours each at their jobs.

Impressive time management skills. Actually, youthful energy is probably more accurate.

How did you spend the holidays? Glad they’re over or wished they lasted longer? Are you back in a normal routine?

Does NO ONE have any hog jowl recipes???

Check back on Friday for our Humpfreeze Holiday FOOD highlights…

Crescent Roll Weekend

Remain seated.

My Monday post is on Monday.

Halloween was a 3 day affair if you don’t count the party Scary Baby went to two weeks earlier. Who knew that one picture I snapped that evening would be her best Halloween picture?

On Thursday, the darling twins went to a dance at their college and emailed me their winning costume. See if you can guess what they were from the dark, blurry pictures they emailed me…

Their creative friend Jordan came up with the idea for five of them to go as…

Interlocking Tetris pieces

Tetris is a computer game for those who are still scratching their heads.

They won first prize. So glad they are carrying on the family tradition of award-winning Halloween costumes!

On Friday, Scary Baby went to party #2. She opted for a hobo look complete with self-drawn magic marker beard (washable marker she informed me quickly when I saw her face).

She needed to take a dish to pass – not dessert {gasp}. She picked mummy dogs and cheesy fingers. These were big hits at the party – file this for next year if you need ideas for easy and amusing Halloween party food.

Crescent roll dough makes everything better. Wrapping hot dogs in the dough and cutting string cheese in half was grueling work but someone had to do it.

On Saturday, Scary Baby went for the full blown scary vampire-like costume.

Newsflash: She did have a cape but we didn’t get a picture of the whole outfit. Why? Because when you tell ask your very literal husband to take a picture of his darling daughter on the porch…he takes a picture of her on the porch. As in ONE picture. Nice.

The poor 4th child has so few photos compared to the first three–I hear it’s a natural consequence of birth order.

Sunday, we had a delicious crockpot of chili compliments of Chef PhilBillPaul and I whipped up a very labor intensive dessert.

Okay, so maybe slicing an apple into 8 pieces, wrapping in crescent roll dough, pouring melted butter, sugar and vanilla followed by pouring a can of Mountain Dew® (hello Ann – are you reading this?) all over it and sprinkling with cinnamon took all of 5 minutes but oh baby, were these ever good.

The picture is unbaked but they look pretty much the same baked. Scary Baby said they look like chicken. We all agreed they did not taste like chicken! Find this crazy delicious Apple Dumplings recipe at Pioneer Woman.

And here’s the candy she didn’t want…

So relieved to see that someone was thoughtful enough to give out those 1/2 ounce bags of healthy pretzels to offset all the candy. Whew.

She can’t be related to us but we did say thank you.

Happy November! How was your Halloween weekend?

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