New Soldier Etiquette

When you hear someone you know who has a family member who has joined the military, here are some great tips I’ve learned through personal experience:

• If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.
• Keep your personal fears or dislikes to yourself
• No one is pro-war.

The absolute best and most gracious thing you can say to any parent with a son or daughter in the military is this…

“You must be very proud. Please tell {insert name} thank you for me.”

Because we should all be grateful that we still have young people who are willing and able fight to protect our freedom here in the United States of America.

Here are a couple of brand new soldiers with whom you can practice using the line above…

We are incredibly proud of our darling twin daughters’ decision to join the Army National Guard.

There you have it…that’s our BIG news!

Roger Leroy had her swearing in ceremony last Thursday. Wizzy had her swearing in ceremony yesterday.

This was an intense and personal decision for our daughters. I knew I was already facing a new season of parenting as we count down to their senior graduation in May. I know many of you are about to or have already faced the emotional time of sending one or more of your children off to college.

It’s the culmination of the job we’ve been working at for 17 or 18 years and truly, my goal has always been to get them to leave our home and become adults.

Mothers of twins are in the unique position to have double the joy mixed with a little sadness as we encourage them to make their own decisions and plan for their future.

Now, as they face this new road ahead of them, it is also a very bittersweet time for me as a mom.

I promise to give more details soon but for now, please feel free to help us celebrate their BIG decision! Roger Leroy and Wizzy do read the blog so I know they’ll love to read any happy comments!

Life Lesson (LL): Surround yourself with people who support you and your family.

Share a Life Lesson (SALL): Share a difficult time you’ve had that was made better when someone made that extra effort to be kind and loving…

Happy New Year?

This is my first official post of 2009.

It’s the post where, if I follow other bloggers, I might review the highlights of 2008.

Or I could tell you how I am going to make 2009 divine.

But since I’ve never been a follower and 2009 is not giving off divine vibes on this 5th day…

I’m going to keep this short and sweet and instead tell you all that…

the house is un-trimmed.
Thank you darling children. And PhilBillPaul.

the basement is put back together
Thank you darling children. And PhilBillPaul.

the wiener dogs got a bath
Thank you darling Wizzy.

the kids are going back to school
Thank you Georgia school system.

I’m not really a resolution girl. I have a lot of lists and small goals and one of those is to pay attention to the little things every day this year.

How’s your New Year shaping up so far?

The Last Times

Sweet moments this weekend as I watched those tiny baby twin daughters of mine lined up to run their last race of their high school cross country season.

I remember reading an article many years ago titled “All the Last Times” by Sue Diaz. (I think but I’m going from memory here because I’m being lazy and not digging into my files to find the actual article.)

Without reprinting or plagiarizing the entire article here –she told of how we are wired to take pictures and record all those “first times” in our children’s lives. Like their first step, first tooth, first day of school, etc. It made an impact on me and helped guide me through these 19 years of parenting with a vision I might not have had if I hadn’t read that article.

Her unique perspective touched me and I have remembered through the years to savor “All the Last Times” and not just the firsts. It’s a challenge because those last times aren’t always so easy to remember or record. I vividly remember one of her examples…the last time you could carry that baby in your arms and tuck them into bed before they became too heavy to lift.

So I watched those tiny twin daughters of mine and remembered that Saturday was a milestone day. The Last Time they would run a cross country race as seniors in high school…

The practice, conditioning and plain old hard work it takes is often overlooked by the “bigger” more popular sports. There are a lot of great cross country slogans the teams have printed on their t-shirts. Here are a few of my personal favorites:

“Cross Country: no time outs, no half times, no substitutions”

“Our sport is your sport’s punishment.”

“If it was easy, everyone would do it!”

Everyone doesn’t do it – it really is a grueling “underdog” sport that is rarely recognized. I just wanted to take a moment to recognize this last time. And I am so proud of both of them…

For the curious few, Roger Leroy has not had another growth spurt nor is she as tall as Wizzy. I think she was standing on a small hill.

On a totally unrelated note…

This may be the first and last time that Scary Baby will or has ever offered up her Halloween discards to us without me having to sift through her bag and steal beg for candy.

Look at the loot she gave us that she didn’t want. Woo-hoo – except for that trail mix stuff.

It was a very good weekend. How was your weekend?

Life Lesson (LL): The Last Times are just as sweet and as important as the Firsts…

Share a Life Lesson (SALL): Any “Last Times” you have savored and will share here?

Cross Country is a Grueling
High School Sport

Our senior daughters are on the cross country team at their high school.

3.1 miles constitutes a race and whether you are the first one across the finish line or the last one across the finish line…

I consider every single runner a winner!

In fact, any sport where you cry and throw up at the finish line makes you a winner in my book.

In today’s society where physical education programs have been cut and kids are in front of the TV or computer, I give a shout out to any kid who juggles school and participates in athletics.

It is far easier to choose not to participate. Just ask The Grunter.

But then he’ll throwdown with his athletic twin sisters about how
he completed his first year of college during his senior year.

Then a parent usually has to intervene.

When we’re not busy making
Scary Baby remove flyers in the neighborhood.

Back to Cross Country…

I’ve very proud of our girls and particularly our redhead daughter Wizzy who has run all four years in high school. It is not a natural talent for her – this long distance running thing. She is long and lanky but she is also stiff and has an irregular heartbeat (inherited from her Dad).

She also has that darn twin sister Roger Leroy, who appears to be good at anything she tries. When she was “forced by us” to run Cross Country her sophomore year – we wanted them to run to condition themselves for the basketball season – ole’ Roger Leroy went out in the time trials and snagged the last Varsity spot on her first try. Top seven runners make Varsity but that changes week to week based on previous race results.

The whole sport has been a new experience for our family. I noted at the first race four years ago that it really isn’t a spectator sport unless you, yourself, are also a cross country runner. Seems after the race starts, parents actually chase their kids into the woods and cheer them on.

I was baffled.

Then I asked where the finish line was.

Now, that’s what I find out at every race.

Then I position myself near the finish line to cheer the girls on.

I only brought a chair the first and second year. Hush already.

Last week the girls ran in a race at their school’s course. Remember how I’ve written about how we love sports and all that it teaches kids? How important it is to be a good loser as well as a gracious winner. Our no gloating rule.

It was a proud moment when I snapped this picture of Roger Leroy and three runner friends last week displaying cards that show the order they finished.

She has never finished in the NUMBER ONE spot before.

WOW. What an accomplishment in her senior year.

She didn’t gloat. Has she actually learned something from us?

But, then again, maybe we put too much emphasis on NOT gloating and did not put enough emphasis on being honest.

Oh wait, that was just some good old-fashioned teenage HUMOR. Here are their real numbers. Ahhh, funny, funny girls.

Meanwhile, you might be asking – where is my sweet Wizzy?

She didn’t want her picture taken. There were a lot of tears. She had a rough race even though she did great and finished nineteenth!

She was being consoled by Sharté because there were some very, very bad displays of poor sportsmanship by parents. And from her own teammate.

The same teammate whom she has consoled after many races in past years when her own parents made her cry.

This teammate has had a surge of improvement in her time and actually beat Wizzy.

It’s not the beating – it’s the gloating. It is the parents gloating. I know it happens in almost every sport.

But it doesn’t mean it will ever be right.

And it will always be sad.

For all of our kids…

Life Lesson (LL): The apple not falling far from the tree becomes very obvious when parents are seen setting a bad example right in front of everyone’s kids.

Share a Life Lesson (SALL): How do you handle over-the-top parents and at what age do you stop intervening when the kids and the parents are hurtful to your kids?

Popping the Bubble

I have spent a decade plus a few more years raising my kids in a bubble.

I chose the bubble.

I owned the bubble.

I embraced the bubble.

PhilBillPaul and I discussed the bubble and we decided when we would let the bubble get a little bigger. Or if we invited others into our bubble.

I never really cared what others thought of our bubble. I was more concerned with keeping my kids in the bubble for as long as possible.

My bubble. My rules.

Get your own bubble. Don’t mess with ours.

The bubble got pretty thin in high school. For us, especially thin because it was our teen kids first experience in public school which was a shift in size (huge school) and environment in general.

The last two years I have tried to let more people in the bubble and let the kids experience more things because I want them to make decisions and make mistakes on their own. But while they’re still in our house I hope they will feel like there is a safety net to catch them.

I have shared before that we have diverse music interests at our house. PhilBillPaul grew up loving hard rock. I prefer soft rock and country. We were both glad we missed the rap and hip hop genre. When the kids were born we compromised and listened to contemporary Christian and I would sneak in a little country as they got older.

When I heard that Toby Keith would be in Atlanta performing with Montgomery Gentry on September 11th, I knew that was a concert I didn’t want to miss. PhilBillPaul even likes his music. Country rock with very little banjo has potential for a nice date night.

At the last minute we got two more tickets and Roger Leroy and her friend Sharté came with us.

It was a patriotic celebration and several tributes and songs moved me to tears.

What I didn’t expect was another kind of celebration.

A drinking celebration. Loads and loads of drinking.

Such an opportunity to expand the bubble for Roger Leroy.

Side note: I’m not responsible for Sharté’s bubble.

Here is a big clue that you are really old. And have been living in a bubble for a long time.

PhilBillPaul spent the first 30 minutes of the concert flipping his around in every direction and pointing on drunk people in various stages of drunken inappropriate behavior.

It’s not that I was immune to it. I guess I wasn’t as shocked because I’ve been to Nashville for 3 years now. He pointed out that the last concert he had been to was a Christian music festival we all went as a family.

Once he calmed down enough to try to enjoy the music, his 17 year-old daughter starting pointing out people.

We used this opportunity in between songs and during the band set-up to have lively discussion about important little lessons the girls could take from this concert including:

• If you think the soft drinks are expensive at a concert, check out the price of alcohol.
• If you are an idiot before drinking, you are an even bigger idiot when you drink.
• Parents and their children are watching you be a drunk idiot.
• “Get Drunk and Be Somebody” is a song title and should not be taken literally.
• Grown men peeing on a wall in the parking lot is just bad manners.
• Your mother would not be proud of you if she could see you like we saw you.

As we left the concert, we talked about how it would change the world if they made everyone take a breathalyzer test before they got in their cars at events like concerts and sporting events that sell alcohol.

But it appears this little company has taken matters into their own hands.

We’re not sure if Jethro in the overalls with his underwear showing was the driver – welcome to Georgia. Roger Leroy made this astute observation concerning career choice…

“I don’t think it would be a very fun job to drive drunk people around.”

I know I won’t always be with them. I know they’ll be exposed to far worse as they go out into the world.

Since the bubble has popped, I hope I let them see enough idiots so they won’t choose to become idiots themselves.

But I also know this parenting gig is a crap shoot and we all just do the best we can and pray they stay safe and know how much we love them.

Life Lesson (LL): You can make the conscious choice to have tons of fun in life without ever taking a drink – I really do know this because that’s a decision I made when I was a teenager.

Share a Life Lesson (SALL): Any good stories you can share to help teach our kids how to not turn into drunk idiots?

“All About Me”

Sometimes you need to schedule an “All About Me” day. It’s good for the soul.

It’s a favorite theme of mine because it’s easy to get lost in busy days and forget to take care of yourself when you are a woman taking care of other people.

We nurture – it’s our nature.

Please don’t ask PhilBillPaul about my nurturing tendencies right now. I’ve been a little distracted.

I’m soooo excited to finally get to share with you today about what I’ve been doing that has distracted me from being the warm, loving, nurturing mom and wife my family is so used to.

Excuse me. I hear some muffled laughter.

Okay, but let me remind you that in April I was in serious contention for
Wife of the Year…

Meanwhile, I’ve been very busy with my good friend and totally nurturing and loving wife and mom, Leigh Anne. She puts me to shame. Really, she does.

Together we’ve joined forces and created an actual business partnership! We’ve been working for months on a website that is very close to both of our hearts. We’ve spent many years as mothers and homebased business owners. Our favorite part has been working with women and creating connections and friendships through the years.

Now we get to bring that sense of community directly to you. I hope you’ll take a few minutes today and watch our short movie which will lead you to our new website and the story will unfold from there!

Every Woman Movie.com

Also, don’t miss our fun summer cookbook with some of our favorite recipes that we put together just for girlfriends. It’s a full-color ebook you can download right to your computer and save the cost of shipping.
You’ll find it in our brand new shop.

Thanks for indulging me and letting me have an “All About Me” post today. It’s a big day filled with a real sense of accomplishment and celebration!

It would be a real blessing to me if you would pass the everywomanmovie.com link on to five women you know (whom I don’t know) to help us grow our new site.

Be sure to check back on the site in the coming days – we’re planning some fun giveaways that I want my friends (and their friends) to win! I can’t help it, I’m competitive.

Life Lesson (LL): Dreaming big and working hard with a girlfriend makes the journey so much FUN!

Share a Life Lesson (SALL): Do you have a girlfriend who helps make everything more fun? Send her a big thank you right here in the comments and then send her the link. Tell her you thanked her publicly on the internet so the world can read it! Um, yeah, because the whole world reads my blog. Okay, it would still be a nice thank you…

Leaving Home…

Some people have some strong reactions when I say I’ve been out of town. Whether it’s a weekend or a two weeks.

Sometimes it’s just lighthearted joking. Sometimes it is envy.

I’m pretty sure that sometimes there is a bit of judgment about me being selfish or not being a very good “stay-at-home” mom.

I don’t miss the irony of being home and wanting to leave.

While I’m proud and grateful to be able to be at home since The Grunter was born, I have also been very vocal about my need to leave and have time away from my husband and family.

Luckily I have Nice Dad who always does an excellent job when I travel.

I started traveling on my own for both business and pleasure when the twins turned one.

Mostly for health reasons.

My mental health.

Though I know my sanity is still in question, I know that leaving home has been my saving grace as a woman.

We wear a lot of hats as women and we are genetically predisposed to take care of everyone else — usually before we take care of ourselves.

One of the reasons PhilBillPaul “gets me” is that he really gets that I need some personal space and he gets that I am a better wife and mother when I come back home!

I’ve encouraged other women friends to make some time for themselves. I have friends who rarely, if ever, have left their husband and/or children to treat themselves to some “me” time.

I’m not necessarily talking about a trip – for some women it can be just a few hours. For others it’s a few days. For me, a few weeks can be nice.

Some of them have actually taken my advice and just seemed to need permission from another adult, i.e. a friend to say it is okay and normal to both need and want to leave home sometimes!

Some of them insist they don’t need any time to themselves.

Some say “their turn will come.”

They worry me – like the perpetually happy, perfect people who make the rest of us look bad.

I learned a long time ago that I have to take care of me.

When a tiny amount of guilt creeps in about my desire to leave home, I remember what I’m trying to teach my kids.

What is important to me is that they see a mother who isn’t afraid to take a break, a mom who isn’t superwoman or even pretending to be! They also need to see that dad is more than capable of taking care of his children.

Maybe I’m a little paranoid about what “some people” think. Then again, maybe not.

I wish I could tell you I cared about what “some people” think or say about me. But I don’t.

I do care deeply about the people I love and who love me. It may be a small number of people and I’m pretty sure the number fluctuates on a daily basis – just check with my family.

It is because I do care that I keep leaving…

…so I can come back home.

Do you leave? Do you want to leave but never do? I’d love to hear how you find time for yourself.

Leave a comment below and remember if you’re reading this through an email subscription or RSS feeder just click over to the site so you can comment.

While I was away…

Roger Leroy and Wizzy were at work and helping another family respectively when I called home to check on The Grunter and Scary Baby.

They are not a good combo alone together. Mostly because he is usually asleep when she is awake. I was worried when Scary Baby didn’t answer the house phone.

When he answered his cell phone using his barely-awake voice, I was concerned. I asked him to give his phone to Scary Baby so I could get the real scoop on who was doing what.

She has affectionately inherited his old moniker, “Officer Humphreys” as he could always be counted on to report any violations or crimes committed by his siblings. She has really stepped up and takes her job very seriously.

Side note: Some people call it tattling, we call it reporting and we always thank Officer Humphreys for the report.

The Grunter barely talked to me as he went downstairs with his phone, other than to ask me, “Where are the girls?” Not a good sign that he didn’t know they weren’t home but I was in Phoenix and did know.

The favorite line overheard by my friends on this magical call to my almost 19 year-old pumpkin grunter was when he uttered these words:

“There is a slight chance she may not be here.”

It was funny to everyone in the car except me. Three phone calls later, she was located…

…in our basement washing the dogs.

Which PhilBillPaul thought was a fine thing for her to be doing because he thought I said she was WATCHING the dogs.

I had to use the Hoosier Grandma pronunciation because he was in a noisy environment.

“I said she is WARSHING the dogs.”

Let’s not even discuss a 9 year-old giving two wild wiener dogs a bath without supervision.

Re-entry after being gone from home for two weeks can be rough.

While I was away, they were all very busy. They had a garage sale, two break-ups and very sadly, a teenager who just graduated from high school and worked with my older daughters, committed suicide.

To say that we had some catching up to do is an understatement.

This weekend was spent with PhilBillPaul and the kids. Family time and individual time.

Scary Baby got some uninterrupted “mom time” on Friday and Saturday with some hair braiding and a little back-to-school shopping to try to get her excited for 4th grade. She has said every day since I’ve been back,
“I want you to homeschool me this year.” No comment at this time.

I took the *big* girls to their first funeral on Saturday. Followed by lunch and some deep discussion on what to do if life ever gets so bad you don’t think you want to go on.

Sunday church with The Grunter and his girlfriend was a rare treat as he’s been going to her church for months.

A parenting challenge I believe we all struggle with (especially if you have more than one child) is spending time with them individually. Family time is obviously more efficient and I love efficiency.

But with our loud crowd of six, I treasure one-on-one time with my kids. I speak only for myself when I say this becomes even more important as they get older.

I could open a debate on quality vs. quantity time but I’d rather not. I’d rather just say that I think our family needs both and it is a constant struggle.

Today I’m golfing with the girls. Because I can.

Because making the time for these kids of mine who drive me crazy is more important than anything else on my “to do” list.

Life Lesson (LL): Quality time is my primary love language and this weekend I was reminded of that to my core.

Share a Life Lesson (SALL): How do you make time for your kids individually? Any special rituals or traditions you share are sure to help another mother!

Memorial Day Memories & Miracles

Let me start by saying I’m doing my my civic duty to educate any readers who weren’t sure what yesterday’s Memorial Day signifies here in our country.

Cities all around the United States hold their own ceremonies on the last Monday in May to pay respect to the men and women who have died in wars or in the service of their country.

Memorial Day is not limited to honor only those Americans from the armed forces. It is also a day for personal remembrance. Families and individuals honor the memories of their loved ones who have died. Church services, visits to the cemetery, flowers on graves or even silent tribute mark the day with dignity and solemnity. It is a day of reflection. However, to many Americans the day also signals the beginning of summer with a three-day weekend to spend at the beach, in the mountains or at home relaxing.

The above is an excerpt from this website in case you want to prepare your next year’s homeschool lesson and you need more history, quizzes, puzzles and fun about Memorial Day. Oh yeah, I am a planner – just ask my kids about those homeschooling years and how organized I was. Always getting things ready a year in advance. I’m like that.

I do hope that you were able to take a little time to say a quiet prayer or pay special tribute to our armed forces who continue to serve our country with such honor.

So many relatives and friends have served that if I started to list them, I know I would leave someone out. Right now, my cousin Sally’s son, Rob, is serving in Iraq.

And of course, you all got to read the special words my friend Ann’s husband shared right here.

There is never a time that a story or a picture of our our military doesn’t choke me up.

(Arlington National Cemetery – May 22, 2008) — Flags stand vigil at gravesites in Arlington National Cemetary. The 3rd U.S. Infantry Regiment (The Old Guard) began their rounds to place a small American flag into the ground in front of every grave marker at Arlington National Cemetery for the upcoming Memorial Day observance. (Photo by Adam Skoczylas).

Memories

But Memorial Day does more than choke me up.

Every year PhilBillPaul and I take time to remember how our lives changed and what we have survived.

Today marks 20 years to the day.

May 27th, 1988.

The day we were hit head-on by a drunk driver.

We never forget the irony of that Memorial Day weekend when we went to see this movie before the crash.

I’ll never forget the stories of what happened that I’ve been told. Because I really don’t remember anything.

The phone call he had to make to Illinois to tell my parents.

The last thing my mom remembers him saying before they hung up.
“Oh, and you should probably know she’s on a respirator.”

PhilBillPaul has always had a way with words. This time we didn’t argue about it.

It’s hard to argue when you’re in a coma…

Eleven days in a coma.

I’ve lost count of how many times people have asked…

Do you remember waking up?

Could you hear people talking to you?

Did you see a white light?

No, no and no.

I do vaguely remember pulling out my IV and other various tubes because I needed to get all the doctors together for a conference call to Portugal.

Who knew they gave coma patients such big responsibilities?
(I think this is also called hallucinating.)

I am still not sure where Portugal is.

I clearly remember my mom telling me to behave and answer the doctors’ questions correctly or they would think I was crazy. I remember her telling me through gritted teeth “This is no time to be funny.”

See, I was funny before the coma. Some people think I’m still funny.

So much to learn when you wake up from a coma.

Did you know that when you have been hospitalized for close to 30 days that you shouldn’t raise your arms up when you have guests? Luckily my mom was there to motion from across the room and hiss whisper
“Put your arms down!”

“WHY?” I said in a very loud voice.

More hand gestures and pointing and my brain worked well enough at that moment to realize that visitors didn’t want to see four weeks of my new European unshaven look.

Whatever. Like I really cared. I was alive.

Miracles

Brain injury, rehab, therapy…

I believe.

20 years later, I believe more than ever.

Tonight, after we put Scary Baby to bed, we might even get crazy and watch the DVD we have of the crash scene and me being loaded on the LifeFlight helicopter to remind our three driving teenagers that they are not in control of everything.

Who knew that an ambulance chaser with a new video camera would provide us with such a teaching tool for our then, yet-to-be-born children?

Don’t think we’re being morbid. We will have popcorn and celebrate, I promise!

I hope you and your loved ones remain safe and happy.

I truly hope you all enjoyed a three day weekend filled with fun memories and fabulous miracles…

Life Lesson (LL): Little or big. They’re all around us. Miracles happen every single day.

Share a Life Lesson (SALL): Feel free to ask me any *coma* questions…people still seem to be fascinated and I don’t mind. Share a miracle in your life…your miracle can serve as such inspiration for someone else!

Graduation Day & The Grunter

It’s graduation week here in the South. The open houses and parties have begun.

We’ve been through graduation with our firstborn once before.

He made it through kindergarten with flying colors.

As if any of us needed to wear a cap and gown and “graduate” from kindergarten. Sure, we bought right into the new ritual. Ahh, the peer pressure.

He sailed through elementary school even when we homeschooled (gasp) during his 4th grade year.

He was a cute 1st grader.

Middle school (known as junior high back in my day) was relatively painless as well.

He was a cute 7th grader too. Yes, I know I’m biased.

He will remind me that homeschooling again (double gasp) in 8th grade created struggles for him in high school. Math specifically.

Sorry, Bud, I did the best I could.

We made the best educational decisions we could throughout the years. We have experienced private Christian school, homeschooling and public school.

We know there is no such thing as the perfect school much like we know there are no perfect children or perfect parents.

Eighteen years and thirteen years of school have not really flown by. Some people claim that the years fly by. Sometimes I have even claimed that.

The Grunter has survived being our firstborn and our “test boy.” He has actually passed again with flying colors.

Don’t get me wrong – the journey has not always been smooth sailing. The Cocoa Krispie Nightmare was just one of our many struggles I can write about while still maintaining some decorum (and while he still lives at home with us).

He is not walking in his high school graduation ceremony. After he told me three times he didn’t want to go to the ceremony, I listened. It seems to have created more stress for friends and family than it has for him or us.

This is the first of many decisions he is making on his own.

This is the part where my job description as mom starts to change.

This is the part where I worry and praise and love and pray.

This is the part where you start to let go.

This picture is one of my all-time favorites in his photo album when he was just a wee little naked baby learning to walk.

The quote I wrote on the page of his album so many years ago and is very poignant for me right now…

“A boy has two jobs. One is just being a boy.

The other is growing up to be a man.”

–Herbert Hoover

His job of being a boy is almost over.

His job of becoming a man is just beginning.

Life Lesson (LL): Growing and nurturing a baby boy into a man is a hard, scary job.

Share a Life Lesson (SALL): Share how your “babies” are turning out. Moms supporting moms makes the job a little less overwhelming!

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