I want the job of typing stuff for a TV channel.

I’m sure that’s the official job description if I could just find an opening.

“For hire: Typist need to type stuff. Accuracy not important.”

I probably couldn’t handle the pressure but it sure seems like something I’d be pretty good at.

Bonus for Gwinnett County Residents Only

The reporter announced lowest gas prices around Atlanta and started with Gwinnett County.

Except the screen said Cobb County.

But we all know where Indian Trail Road is, don’t we?

Craigslist, eBay, Ikea. That gives you a snapshot of our budget.

That’s where we PhilBillPaul shopped for appliances, parts to fix the appliances and new light fixtures.

We started with the new refrigerator last November. New as in used on Craigslist when Everett saved the house from certain fire.

$300 on Craigslist.

It’s a shiner even though the icemaker has crapped out again.

Next, it was definitely time to get rid of our 20 year-old double oven that barely got to 350 degrees when I wanted to bake.

I prayed over it each holiday as I started my baking frenzy. I didn’t dare to imagine an oven that preheated to the correct temperature.

Not to worry, PhilBillPaul found a used and exciting stainless and black Frigidaire gas stove.

Better picture of stove and all appliances coming tomorrow so check back.

$75 on Craigslist. $50 in gas because it was 90 miles away.

Exciting as in it made a loud boom noise while preheating that sounded suspiciously like a gas explosion. PhilBillPaul assured Roger Leroy and I that it was nothing as we ran screaming from the kitchen. Call us crazy but we are scared of fire and explosion.

Our friend Google said common, slight/minor gas leak because of worn out ignitor and gave him repair advice. Mr. Handy said he wouldn’t endanger us and after $50 in parts on ebay we now have a lovely, working range.

Can someone keep track of all the money we’re saving? I hate math.

What would we have done without Everett and his friends to help PhilBillPaul get the old oven monstrosity off the porch?

The move began in the dark and I heard an enormous crash.

I only wish I had a picture of the oven laying on its side with me frantically asking “Where’s your dad?” while Everett and his stunned friends stared at me and said “Who?” as if PhilBillPaul might be smashed under the oven on the sidewalk.

Not funny.

Instead I got a picture of them picking up the bent racks and pieces of the stove/oven while PhilBillPaul aired up the flat tire on the hand truck in the garage that perhaps should have been done prior to loading the giant double oven on it. Just sayin’.

Look how helpful they are supervising PhilBillPaul as he moves the giant appliance on his own.

Always nice to have strapping young men around to help with heavy lifting.

I was just excited he was finally getting the burned up refrigerator out of the garage. He drove both to the scrap yard the next morning and they actually paid him $65!

The double oven left a hole in wall and cabinet area so the next search was for an under the cabinet microwave.

Back to Craigslist for an amazing score of a $50 broken microwave he was sure he could fix.

He kept telling me it was a GE Profile and it was worth a lot more than $50. After working feverishly during the month of June and spending $42 on parts he finally conceded defeat and searched for two weeks until he scored another bargain.

New in box, bought in a shady warehouse where a tiny Asian man gladly took his cash and loaded the microwave into his truck for him. $95.

In the midst of this, the dryer broke.

I’m now living in appliance hell.

Everett to the rescue again.

Not.

The darling twins were at drill so PhilBillPaul had to rely on his not-handy son to help him.

Which consisted of holding a flashlight and getting yelled at.

I know you are all jealous of PhilBillPaul’s handyman skills. Let me assure you that no one here ever volunteers to be his helper.

Phew, glad we aren’t on a tight timeline to renovate the kitchen. Eight months later, all the “new” appliances are in place. We knew our next jobs would include resurfacing the existing counters, removing the 20 year-old wallpaper and updating the honey oak cabinets.

Tomorrow I’ll show you what we did with the 1991 almond laminate countertops.

I confess we were a wee bit excited when the darling twins got their orders for Annual Training for the Army National Guard. With just 4 days notice they were off to Ft. Stewart in Savannah for 20 days in July.

Rachel came downstairs to act like a goober model her new gear – helmet, eye pros and IBA (interceptor body armor) that she would be wearing as an ammo guard at the training site on post. I wasn’t crazy about this but it’s not like I have a say in any of this.

I worry. It’s my job. I’m good at it.

PhilBillPaul and I were looking forward to a little bit of calm in the chaos that is our life with 3 now twenty-somethings and a 12 year-old. Fewer messes, less noise, quiet evenings. We like to miss them.

They arrived on late Thursday afternoon and at about 9:00 p.m. the same night, I got a phone call that Rachel was hurt. I could barely understand Elizabeth as she tried to tell me what happened.

Lucky for you blog readers, I have re-enactment pictures.

Along with the actual injury site.

Text from Rachel the next day. “This is the bunk I face dove off of”

Our tough Soldier fell out of her bunk bed

And she was awake.

Re-enactment photo #1

Top bunk which she also sleeps in at school in the cadet dorms.

Re-enactment photo #2

Her foot somehow got caught as she was swinging herself out of the bed.

Re-enactment photo #3

She caught herself with her left palm taking the brunt of the impact but most certainly avoiding obvious head injury from concrete floor.

Elizabeth said she couldn’t balance on just one hand. Glad she didn’t try or we’d have a 2nd injury I’m sure.

Re-enactment photo #4

Thankfully I pressured Elizabeth into taking these photos because I told her it was very hard to explain to people how this happened.

When she called, Elizabeth was laughing so hard which is why I couldn’t understand her. Because we all have inherited this sick trait where we laugh hysterically when someone falls.

Please understand this is our “circus baby/tough nut” child who is very coordinated, athletic and makes everything look easy. She masters anything she sets out to do.

Elizabeth is the one who is a bit clumsy. Falls, trips, has lots of bruises and bad luck (remember the golf ball incident x2?). She did not miss the humor of witnessing her darling twin fall out of bed before their job even started.

Rachel soon learned that having your twin in the same unit has its benefits. The next morning Elizabeth was there to fasten her pants, button her blouse, help her with her boots and put her hair in a bun.

They put her in a sling. An x-ray the next morning at the hospital with a follow-up visit scheduled for SIX days later.

Her pain threshold is abnormally high but I knew she was in pain. I aslo knew from her darling twin sister that she didn’t take the horse pills 800 mg ibuprofen the medic gave her the night before because very much like her delicate father, she can’t swallow big pills.

She was mildly irritated with all my questions. I was worried about further damage. My most favorite line from her during our first call after the hospital visit…

“Mom, I’m not a an idiot.”

Really? Didn’t you just fall out of your bed last night?

They gave her tramadol which she took in the afternoon and then experienced a migraine (inherited from her mother – so sorry) that scared them enough to drive back to the hospital. Upon arrival she insisted on going back to the barracks, threw up, took a nap and recovered enough to have dinner.

On the follow-up visit, another doctor released her for duty without examining her thoroughly or reviewing her x-rays – of course, that’s just my opinion.

The next week she went to the hospital with another Soldier to pick up her records and the original doctor asked why she thought she was cleared for duty. He said she should not have been released and they needed to do a cat scan on her arm. She scheduled that for Friday and headed home on Tuesday. No word on cat scan results.

I’m told that they would call if anything was wrong. I wish that made me feel better but it doesn’t.

She’s back home and packing to go back to college.

I’m working on my control issues and letting go. Even when they are hurt.

The mom gig is still difficult no matter how old they are.

Before I begin my roommate rant, I wanted to send this special message out to my oldest and hardest working roommate…

Happy Birthday PhilBillPaul!

Begin rant:

They will be the first to tell you, with their eyes rolling, that our rules are ridiculous and we are ridiculous every single day.

The struggle to transition into the adult world while living with your parents is intense. Too many “adults” in one house gets crowded. Especially when the adults are your children.

I prefer to call them semi-adults.

You remember – the days of independence and freedom. If it wasn’t for those nagging parents who would like you to be home at a reasonable hour. 1:00 a.m. is way too early when you are young and cool. Then those same parents expect you to get up before noon. Seriously?

It’s been a long, hot summer.

In more ways than one here at the Humpfreeze house.

They don’t really carry their weight in terms of normal things it takes to run a household.

I’ve had roommates. We cleaned, we took turns, we helped each other.

It was a big day when the almost 22 year-old pumpkin bought this giant package of toilet paper. I swear PhilBillPaul was so impressed by the size of the package and the fact we only buy 12 double rolls at a time that he was going to pay him back for it. I pointed out that I thought he could contribute 24 rolls of toilet paper to the household without reimbursement since we had kept it stocked for him throughout his life.

Please note that the giant package stayed in the hall just outside of the linen closet for over a week.

Yes, I have dug in and refuse to do the things I did for them when they were toddlers.

Yes, I know it would be “easier” to put the toilet paper in the closet than to take a picture of it and blog about it.

Perhaps this has rubbed off on The Grunter who, for the record, is the neatest, cleanest of the four piglet children.

He sent me this text and email last week.

“All the black dots are ants.”

Back in my roommate days, we didn’t send each other pictures of messes left behind by others. (Okay, so we didn’t have cell phones back then either.) But I also don’t remember anyone drinking hot chocolate in the bathroom.

We didn’t have big discussions about who was going to buy toilet paper or whose turn it was to empty the trash.

It usually didn’t crawl up the wall.

He sent me a slideshow of the bathroom he is “forced” to share with his sisters.

I’m only sharing 3 pictures from the slideshow and his comments are edited to keep the gross factor at a minimum.

There are also 8+ razors between the three of them.

I didn’t take pictures of the sink because they “cleaned” it already. There were 7 cups sitting on the counter, some food… Also an unplugged hair straightener and a spilled toiletry basket covered the sink. Toothpaste was everywhere and there was toilet paper stuck to the mirror.

In addition to all of this I would like to list my items which are ALWAYS put away in my basket on its shelf, and not in anyone’s way:

• 1 Toothbrush
• 1 Toothpaste Tube
• 1 Deodorant
• 1 Razor
• 1 Tube of Shaving Cream
• 1 Shampoo Bottle
• 1 Body Wash

He included his list of what he thinks should be the max for each person. Perhaps my little Virgo has too much free time.

I’d like to add that with the exception of Scary Baby’s items, they have purchased all the aforementioned toiletries, not us!

I asked the darling twins to clean up their room to “guest room standards” before they left for their Army National Guard Annual Training for 20 days in July.

They insist they did and I’ve been informed that Scary Baby and her friend were responsible for some ALL of these clothing piles.

She claims no responsibility for the closet but the darling twins are calling her out on this too.

Like I believe anyone around here? The messes never end.

Roommate Applications

My biggest issue is that if we were accepting roommate applications, my own semi-adults would not have gotten through the screening process. If they slipped through, they would most definitely lose their damage deposit and we’d kick them out.

I’m open to constructive suggestions or words of encouragement.

I will feel better if someone else will admit that they have messes like this and they don’t constantly clean up after their children (beyond the toddler years). Or tell me you shut the door to their bedrooms and didn’t go near them for several years. Be sure to confirm your house did not fall down nor was it condemned by the health department.

They are still with us because, in spite of their piglet ways, they are all enrolled in college full-time, they all have part-time jobs and have paid for their own cars, car insurance and entertainment since they were 16. I know this is way more than most of their peers are responsible for even in their twenties. They are doing the *BIG things* right and I’m trying to keep that in perspective.

For now, I’m taking lots of deep breaths to get through these last days of summer.

Because I do love them. Even when I don’t like them.

Photo compliments of PhilBillPaul’s sad cell phone camera.

In his defense, he was driving by himself and it’s the thought that counts and it did make me laugh.

We saw this on the weekend.

I sent Rachel a text…

“Don’t get any ideas.”

The motorcycle driver said “Daisy” loved to go for rides. She is a rescue dog and was harnessed but I really wish she had been wearing goggles and especially a helmet!

Still alive with more stories to tell.

Until then…

What’s your favorite berry?

We squealed as we watched “Cupcake Wars” about how delicious this cupcake sounded with one of our favorite berries. Even if the person who types the segment labels can’t spell.

The darling twins are at their U.S. Army National Guard Annual Training. Luckily they are not too busy to send covert cell phone pictures of their berry choices at chow.

Sign maker may be related to Food Network intern.