Summer Activities

I remember the summer days with the first 3 darling children when summer meant they spent their days playing outside, swimming in a little pool, shooting baskets on the driveway, and eating ice cream on the deck.

The Grunter had a swing too. Just no polka dot outfit.

We’d tried to plan one “fun day” activity each week like going to a $1 movie or rollerskating.

They were so stinkin’ cute.

And even cuter when we added Scary Baby.

Those days are so over.

Returning home from their 5 months in Arizona on their 19th birthday, the darling twins have been home for 30 days.

Oh, so short in so many ways.

And oh, so long in other ways.

Friday, Day One: Drive to airport to reunite with the darling twins while The Grunter calls us seven times as he has to get his new car tag all by himself.

Yes, he did get a replacement after his accident. He is pretty pleased with the new ride that dad just happened to drive by and find for him. We now have 3 shades of blue cars in our driveway.

After our airport reunion and birthday lunch, we stopped by Publix to say hi to The Grunter who has been made to work two jobs for the summer by his mean parents.

Finally home to see more grass, the new lounge, have friends over, a quick run to Taco Bell and a good night’s sleep so they could really get busy enjoying their shortened summer.

Saturday, Day Two: Roger Leroy goes by herself to get her motorcycle permit.* Wizzy spends the day and night with another family. Mom wonders if she has enough x*nax to get through the summer.

*Side note: PhilBillPaul doesn’t think she will pass and she’s not prepared. The five months have obviously dimmed his memory of what the stubborn, circus baby child accomplishes when she wants something. She missed one. Passed with flying colors.

Sunday, Day Three: We gather together at church. Extra-strength prayer time required. Sunday evening birthday present…Rascal Flatts concert. We send all three darling daughters to a concert with two sister friends we’ve known since birth.

Rebecca has been to almost every one of their birthdays. She and Scary Baby share the same birthday.

She and her sister Hannah lived next door to us for 17 years.

It was nice to see the girls go to the concert together.

Monday, Day Four: Scary Baby has 3 day basketball camp at church. She’d rather stay home with her big sisters. Negotiating Bribery takes place.

Day Five through Thirty: Mom loses track of what day it is and who works what shift and gives up trying to keep anything straight.

The Lazy Days of Summer

Here is what I know they’ve done in no particular order:

Georgia Aquarium
Whitewater Water Park
Tubing x2 in North Georgia
Downtown for dinner x2
Shopping

plus

Going back to work at Publix and…

Drill weekend for Army National Guard and…

4 trips to their college for paperwork (3 in one week) and 2 days working at the college for the Army National Guard.

Summer Movie Time

Some combination of family has seen these movies and the letter grades are not necessarily mine since I’ve only seen 3 on the list:

• Toy Story 3 ~ A
• Marmaduke ~ C
• The A-Team ~ A-
• Iron Man 2 ~ B
• Get Him to the Greek ~ A-
• Knight & Day ~ F
• Grownups ~ B
• The Sorcerer’s Apprentice ~ B-
• Inception ~ A
• Despicable Me ~ A
• Cyrus ~ A
• Salt ~ B
• Ramona & Beezus ~ A

I don’t think my list is any longer than anyone else’s.

I’m just documenting my exhaustion from their activity level.

How’s your summer going?

The Bachelorette ~ Week 9

If I only had one thing to say about the show last night it would be this…

I’m really looking forward to bringing back Typo Tuesdays in 2 weeks because finding typos is more enjoyable than watching bad TV!

Lucky for my few diehard Bachelorette fans, I have a little more to say about last night.

The rest of you, please kindly suffer through 2 more weeks.

Then, I promise I’m breaking up with the show.

Right after I watch Bachelor Pad.

But I swear I’m not watching anymore Bachelorette.

Because fool me once, fool me 6 times (this is Season 6, right?), this thing is scripted and ridiculous and at least all The Housewives in any city on Bravo don’t even pretend to be anything except really fun, bad TV!

Frank

Let’s get the Frank segments out of the way right now.

Two segments = DOUBLE ICKY.

Could we have not wrapped his segment up in the beginning so we didn’t have to watch his dramatic screenwriting debut entitled…

Her and I

That would be “Her and I” part 1, “Her and I” part 2, “Her and I” part 3, “Her and I” part 4…

Oh never mind, I lost count.

His issues do make me feel better about my issues.

He went on a show to find love but he was really already secretly in love with someone else.

Oh wait, this is all scripted and he is a screenwriter testing out his first love story starring…

Her and I.

He has obviously cast himself in the lead role.

Screenwriter and actor.

Beefing up the resume for sure.

Roberto

OMGoodness. I’m driving Lizzie to Charleston in 2 weeks. Because if she did pick him, I’m sure they have broken up by now.

Roberto’s sweat stains did concern me, I’m not going to lie. Thinking he could have put on a fresh t-shirt and a little more deodorant before Ali arrived to hug him and lean her head into his armpit.

Oh wait, she didn’t have time to wash her hair anyway…

Other than the sweat and he did look like he was melting down at the rose ceremony, he couldn’t get any cuter. He’s just a lovely young man and will make a fine son-in-law.

Lizzie, get in the car.

Chris

Did his mom die?

I’m sorry to hear, really I am.

But I’m also sorry that I’ve heard that 327 times since the show has been on these past 9 weeks. That means, on average 36.3333 times, on EVERY show they mention it. I have mad math skillz.

Amazing.

Awesome.

The only two words that Chris knows how to describe Ali.

He seems pretty amazing and awesome in spite of his lack of a thesaurus.

I don’t like how she has drawn him out to be vulnerable and say everything she wants to hear about her desperate need to be loved because I don’t think she was even going to give him a rose until Frank bailed on her.

She may have more issues than Frank.

The Rose Ceremony

A.K.A. Allie’s Power Trip

You know the one where she doesn’t just give a rose to the guys but where they have to accept the rose and declare that they are there for the right reasons and they want her and only her and they need to say it OUT LOUD and not feel weird that they are standing next to each other and have slept with the same woman a mere 24 or 48 hours apart and everything feels icky and…

Awkward.

Does anyone else feel like they are both amazing and awesome and too good for Ali and her incessant giggling and then bawling because Frank could have been the one?

But oh wait, I think I’m psychic and this is what I heard Ali say (in her head) just before the rose ceremony:

“I’m going to pull it together and force them to ACCEPT these two roses and be my sloppy seconds and thirds until Frank comes to his senses.”

“Or until I get a job at ABC on Entertainment Tonight.”

“Which will hopefully pay for an apartment and I have totally overcome my fear of flying so maybe Jake and I will get back together now that The Sausage is done with him.”

“And then we’ll both get our own reality show about how we’re still looking for love fame in all the wrong places…”

The Lounge ~ Part Two

To quote myself…

The cleaning and fumigating and throwing away and sweeping and mopping and sorting and disinfecting and organizing, etc., took us many weekends. I’ll save pictures of that for another day.

Another day is here.

The darling twins have had this double dresser since they were toddlers. When they left for Arizona in January, we knew it would be a good time to bravely go where we had refused to enter while they were here.

Discovering that several of the dresser drawers were overflowing with clothes crammed in them, PhilBillPaul mustered all his courage and said he would wash everything because we were both afraid of what might be living in the drawers.

This is from ONE side of the dresser.

I don’t recall ever having to vacuum drawers before but there is a first time for everything. While PhilBillPaul repaired 3 broken drawers, my job was to get all the clothes sorted, organized and make them fit in proper places

PhilBillPaul even redid their closet, hanging a new clothing rod and wider shelf. Scary Baby organized their scary shoes. Sorry, no picture of the closet. I can only show you so much of our chaos.

The Grunter really pitched in and helped us…

by holding Sabu after his exhausting bath.

Finishing this massive project just before they returned, we didn’t decide on ordering a futon in time for their arrival.

Wizzy claimed the one bed as hers and Roger Leroy waited patiently for its arrival.

I was excited to find this inexpensive royal blue one online at Walmart.com and had it shipped to the store.

How exactly did I miss one crucial word in the online product description?

This picture will help you find the word I missed.

Still don’t know the word I missed?

Here’s another picture…

Hello? It is a futon for small people.

The eleven year old is too big for it.

The word I missed:

MINI

I gotta tell you that Roger Leroy gets a big shout-out for her flexibility and embracing the

mini

futon and sleeping in it and laughing at mom’s mistake!

I know you are thinking, “Why the heck didn’t you all return it?”

I would have gladly returned it but our trash service picked up the box the day after the futon arrived and we then went back to the website and discovered the word I missed in the description.

Anyone need a miniature futon for little people?

You know, we don’t always connect all the dots in a timely fashion around here.

For sale: One toddler futon. Like new, barely used.

Loving the Unlovable

I was pretty unlovable yesterday.

Cranky, residual drug lethargy and I’m sure PhilBillPaul could add a few more choice words in describing my behavior.

Did I mention I’m a wuss in the pain category?

Grumpiness may have been triggered by hunger, a sticky toaster lever, someone eating my natural peanut butter without asking (two giant jars in pantry for those who have informed me “we are NOT trying to eating healthy MOM…”) and the shooting pains of my weenie 10 stitches.

The flip out came when I saw Scary Baby with my Deluxe Yahtzee game. I have an unnatural and unhealthy obsession with keeping my games from childhood to adulthood in pristine condition.

I’m not blaming Junebug but I will say there were a few memorable days where we hunted for that ONE missing puzzle piece or a game token or a box lid that mysteriously disappeared.

My children do not share my addiction for keeping games in order and put away in their boxes they way they came. Go figure.

Side note: The Grunter shares my addiction. Something about being September Virgos. Not that we are into astrology.

I seriously adore the fact that they all love to play board games. Especially in today’s video and computer world.

But I’m well aware of the mixed message of me snapping when they touch my games without asking and furthermore do not put them away properly.

So yes, I snapped.

And it only got worse when PhilBillPaul opened up one of the game cabinets and there were loose cards and the Taboo game buzzer was NOT in the box.

Breathe, Sherra, breathe.

After a shrieking fit (I wish I could think of a nicer way to say it but let’s call a spade a spade), I made some toast and retreated to my room.

The x*nax had clearly worn off.

Which left PhilBillPaul sorting cards and taping broken box lids with packing tape.

And Scary Baby was upstairs crying because we sent her friend home because we also discovered her room was a wreck and the rule since birth has been “Work Before Play” which meant her room should have been cleaned up before she had a guest.

About an hour later, a brave soul pecked on my bedroom door. Scary Baby said,

“Hi Momma. Lizzie and I made you this.”

Raspberries, strawberries, blackberries, milk, sugar and ice.

Love in a glass.

With a bendy straw.

Crappy Mother – 0
Darling Children – 1

How’s your summer going?

The Bachelorette ~ Week 8

A review of my favorite mindless TV while on drugs. This is my disclaimer. It was my very minor surgery day and the meds are wearing off.

Ali’s audition for her new job in the entertainment industry is still in full swing.

Her incessant giggling is getting on my last nerve.

Roberto’s Hometown Date

It’s a shame they didn’t let her get to the hairdresser for a shampoo and a root coverup before meeting his family.

That baseball date was dreamy. Ali being hysterical giggling while they two of them had the whole field to themselves while he carried her around the base as she straddled him made us all uncomfortable.

Weird.

The brother has a blonde wife too. Hmm

I do love how important his family’s opinion was to him. Tampa is a great place to have your in-laws live.

She just doesn’t seem like she can handle him. Don’t see her picking him.

Hometown Date with Chris

Does anyone know – did his mom die recently?

No dog connection. Dog ran right by her. Deal breaker.

More hysterical giggling. Please stop the nervous laughter.

Boots with heels on beach. Strange.

Without being disrespectful to those who have passed, I thought maybe they would go to Ali’s grandma’s empty house and she could tell him that story. (The darling twins and I discussed this fond memory from last season.)

Hands down genuine family guy with humor. What else do you need?

We’re not sure but we don’t think she’s picking him.

Kirk’s Hometown Date

Welcome to taxidermy hell.

Caribou foot with googly eyeballs glued on. Does anyone know where I can buy one of those? Perfect Christmas present!!

Hasn’t brought many gals home. Hmmm…would that be because Dad is a freak?

Loved that Kirk’s dad had the heart-to-heart conversation with Ali down in the basement with the freezer full of frozen animals and popsicles. And hundreds of dead animals surrounding them.

Seems to be a death theme pervading these hometown dates.

Bring on the cheesy potatoes – thank you grandma!

I’m from the Midwest but this Wisconsin visit was embarrassing.

Hometown Date with Frank

The only thing Frank and Ali seem to have in common (besides just being weird together) is dirty hair.

Frank’s v-neck/scoop neck tank needed a little lace embellishment with his buttoned up cardigan.

Why did getting on the boat in Chicago elicit giggling?

Frank and his self-doubts and insecurities are ridiculous. Especially since we know he’s fighting feelings for his ex-girlfriend (and perhaps his ex-boyfriend – just sayin’ – the thumb ring is still on).

The Rose Ceremony

The Humpfreeze house was unanimous that Kirk was leaving. We’re not sure what her criteria is. Her words were “It’s not about you or me…” and then something about them together. I’m so confused. If it’s not about him or her, what is this show about?

Kudos to Kirk. He was a true class act leaving. I like a guy who doesn’t cry.

I’m making my personal prediction that she picks no one. We’re all being strung along on her job audition and her future does not include picking anyone. She is really stringing along all these families in the name of the job audition.

I see her and Jake having their own series next year.

Just speculating on all this…weigh in and tell me what you think.

Side note: Mostly, at our house, we’re hoping that Roberto and Ali don’t work out because Wizzy is on her way to South Carolina to meet him.

My Other Family

Checked out for a week but checking back in.

So many things to talk about, so little time.

I left unexpectedly last weekend to see “My Other Family” as in the one I don’t live with.

One of my uncles in Indiana passed away. Uncle Bob was just a month shy of 84 and I have written about my cousin Sally here. His wife, my Aunt Jane is my mom’s sister.

Wizzy was kind enough to cancel her 4th of July plans and jump in the car with me and help me drive to Indianapolis and then on to Chicago. She earned her darling twin moniker for being so willing to be trapped with me in a car for endless hours upon hours and then be trapped bond with extended family–most of whom she hadn’t seen for about ten years.

It was a poignant 4th of July service as my Uncle Bob was a Marine as were his two sons.

I can’t resist another opportunity to post my favorite picture of Sally’s family.

Sal: Was this in the slideshow?

Oh, the fun family things I could write about.

Oh, the fun family things I must refrain from writing about.

Uncle Jack and I did have a nice conversation and he wholeheartedly agreed with me about Tiger Woods.

I have discovered I have at least 3 more relatives reading the blog and we already know how Junebug feels about my writing so I’m going to exercise some self-control.

For now.

The Trivial and Mundane

I’ll catch up this week on blogging and life and The Bachelorette. It was a tiny bit stressful to not watch the Monday night show until Thursday night when we returned home.

My only comment from last week’s episode especially since it’s old news.

Jake is a bigger tool than I even thought possible.

Thanks to those sweet people who checked on me and for being concerned. For those who didn’t miss me…well, you aren’t even reading this, are you?

The Lounge

The darling twins came home to a new room.

They are still not thrilled with the changes.

The most disturbing part for Wizzy has been the moving of their beds.

She has said at least three times…

“I know we’re in college and will only be home for 3 months but why did you have to take the other bed out the room?”

“But Mom, why did you have to take a BED out?”

“Seriously Mom, why is one of our beds in the basement?”

Another traumatic event I can be blamed for pretty much through eternity.

I take full responsibility and it’s probably wrong but I still feel pretty good about the new arrangement.

Call me mean. Oh wait, they already do.

Hey, maybe this is why she has been sleeping at other people’s houses?

TV is moved up from the basement. They’ve never had a TV in their room. That’s another good reason why this is now called the lounge.

Video game system – again never allowed on any TV in our house – now hooked up since they bought it while they were at college.

The benefits of being the last born and old rules flying out the window because you have three older siblings.

Futon is ordered. They are guests in our home and we have invited them to use the lounge until they head back to college in August. I think it’s pretty generous.

The cleaning and fumigating and throwing away and sweeping and mopping and sorting and disinfecting and organizing, etc., took us many weekends. I’ll save pictures of that for another day.

We really like the lounge. Scary Baby likes the lounge. The Grunter likes the lounge.

And I don’t really see what the big deal is about with one twin bed.

It made me think of my “You’re Gonna Miss This” post from last year as their senior year was ending.

Photo from April 2009

They’ve been sleeping together in a twin bed more than they have slept in separate beds for their whole lives. It’s some kind of twin thing.

Shoot, at our house THREE can fit in a twin bed. They should all be glad they are skinny.

How cute is that on the first night they were home that their favorite brother climbed into bed with them after he got off work to snuggle and talk?

The fleeting moments when they all get along make my heart sing.

Really they do.

Because sometimes it feels like yesterday that those three little people climbed in that same bed and talked and giggled and didn’t have a care in the world.

I’m interested so leave a comment and tell me…

Do you take advantage of the extra space when your college kids head off to school? Did you or are you currently preserving your college kids’ bedrooms? Just curious if I’m in the minority on the room conversion and where I fall on the mean mom scale.

I do want to go on record here and note that I did wait a full year!

The Bachelorette ~ Week 6

The Bachelorette weeks are flying by.

The darling twins are home but alas are not actually home. Their schedule doesn’t really permit them to stay home for more than 2 or 3 hours at a time.

Oh wait – that’s going to make Roger Leroy mad. She has stayed home. In her room because she has had about as much family interaction as one 19 year-old can have. Until tonight when she went to dinner with a friend and returned at 12:40am.

Her darling twin sister has also had as much of THIS family’s interaction as she can stand. She much prefers other people’s families and is at a friend’s house as I type this. Four nights back in Georgia – 2 at our house and 2 at other people’s houses so far. Too much stress here. Too much “not fun” here. Too much. Period.

They did take Scary Baby swimming today in one of the two hour windows that they were home. She did appreciate it and had been looking forward to it for weeks and weeks. She thoroughly enjoyed her two hours +/- of swimming.

But it does seem odd that they are not here. I have multiple text messages from last week about how excited they were going to be home this Monday so we could watch the show together.

The excitement of being here wears off pretty quickly.

I’ve known for at least a solid year that we all do much better missing each other and talking on the phone or texting.

Living in the same house…not so much.

Thank goodness I have The Bachelorette to entertain me.

And Justin The Wrestler jumping through the hedges and stepping through the the flowers and water features of the hotel courtyard to foil those pesky cameramen who kept following him.

Kudos to girlfriend Jessica for saving those romantic phone messages for us all to listen to.

I was hoping that the producers would make him stay in Turkey until he earned enough money from wrestling to buy a plane ticket home.

Ali might need to take some sage advice from Oprah and her friend Maya Angelou when they say:

“When people show you who they are…listen.”

Side note: Same message to Jake-y boy. He and The Sausage breaking up…S-H-O-C-K-I-N-G. Can’t wait to keep reading as the story unfolds. I have a feeling the mud slinging has only just begun.

One on One Date #1

Are they naked under those plaid tablecloths?
Is plaid a Turkish fabric?
Why do they have to wear tablecloths in the Turkish steam bath?
Is Ali contractually obligated to wear shoes that give her heel blisters?
Why do they have to take a bath on their date?
Aren’t you suppose to take a bath before your date?
Did Ali’s bandaids fall off in the Turkish bath?

Excuse me. I’ll be right back. I’m feeling nauseous.

Is Ty really planning his honeymoon in Turkey?

Ah-O. Ty might have blown it with his good ‘ole southern boy dreams of having a barefoot and pregnant wife who cooks his vittles and doesn’t have any career ambitions ‘cuz that’s what his mama did.

Ali looked a little glassy-eyed when he shared that. She gave him the rose but she has concerns about those “traditional” values he has that just don’t describe her perky self. She certainly can’t get that TV job and clean house, bake bread and keep the home fires burning all at the same time.

Group Date

Poor Craig. Still hasn’t had a one-on-one date. No one will tell him that they are going to be BFFs forever and that’s all.

The pressure of being with the serious top 3 contenders must be really tough for him.

Now for the highlight of the group date…wrestling with Olive Oil Wrestlers.

Or wrestling with Greasy Turkish Dudes in Leather Pants as Chris so eloquently put it. Pick the guy with a sense of humor even though Roberto is super hot.

WHY?

And Ali actually said it was “hot” to see them wrestle for her.

Wait, wasn’t this segment just made for Justin The Wrestler? Boy did that girlfriend call mess up this episode’s script. But this could be the way he could earn his plane ticket home.

Instead, Craig The Lawyer Who Wrestles With Words wins some one-on-one time with Ali.

If I was Roberto I would call for a rematch. They needed to be re-lubricated with another pitcher of olive oil. Just my observation but neither of them looked the least bit slippery.

One-on-One Date #2

The chemistry in the store with Ali in the belly dancer outfit and Frank in the jiffy pop hat was super hot. Ali really likes to go into stores and try stuff on. Thank goodness Frank could do that with her forever.

Next it is on to the carpet store. Much like the Olive Oil Wrestling, WHY are they shopping for a rug?

Thank goodness Frank stuck to his guns and said he was not buying a rug.

Then they walked out of the store carrying a 5-foot rug.

Super practical and good to know neither are impulsive shoppers.

Wow, how perfect that they needed a rug for their dinner date and Frank was a real man and carried it all by himself. Then they walked through knee deep ice cold water to get to this amazing place for dinner. This is every girl’s dream date.

Like, I really like want Frank like to quit like OMG saying like and OMG like at least like a dozen or more times. Like did anyone OMG like notice this?

PhilBillPaul’s only observation:

“He has a thumb ring on.”

Maybe he has a girlfriend and a boyfriend back home? Just sayin…

Rose Ceremony Big Twist

Power play on Ali’s part going straight to the rose ceremony to avoid the cocktail party where she didn’t want Craig to have to try to convince her that they were going to be more than BFFs.

Sad for Craig but props to Ali for not putting him through the agony.

The shocking twists and turns just keep coming…

I Love Grass

Not the illegal kind.

The green kind that they don’t have much of in Arizona.

Those were Roger Leroy’s words when we drove up to our house.

“I love grass.”

In full disclosure, she was looking at the next door neighbor’s grass. Because we have patches of weeds and a front yard that I’m sure has most of our neighbors wishing we would move.

The darling twins both contemplated getting out of the car and rolling around in the neighbor’s side yard. She has really good grass.

Wizzy’s comment as we rounded the loop on the interstate leaving the airport, “I really missed Georgia. I really like trees.”

I do understand their feelings about the green grass and green trees. I remember the first time I visited Arizona and came home saying “It’s really brown.” It’s a unique and different landscape for sure.

I think I get bonus points for NOT taking any pictures IN the airport.

I love pictures of them walking in front of me as I watch them. I wanted to capture this one in particular because Roger Leroy’s duffel bag is almost as big as she is.

“Welcome to Georgia” moment when one of the shuttle vans honked at me when I stopped in crosswalk to snap the picture of two Soldiers coming home. NICE.

I did refrain from hand gestures but will admit that I stopped in my tracks and yelled something that might have sounded like, “Bite me.”

Roger Leroy was none too happy when I “forced” them to stop at the entrance to the parking garage for this shot.

First stop for a late birthday lunch per Wizzy’s request.

One of her favorite chain restaurants and it was a delight to learn that they both got a free spaghetti meal on their birthday.

Wizzy got a little stressed because she wanted fettuccine not spaghetti. I told her to relax and I’d ask. The manager waited on us and service and food was excellent.

She got her fettuccine and Scary Baby did not sit on top of her for the whole meal. (Just part of it.)

We were also relieved that the restaurant police did not issue a ticket to PhilBillPaul who ate Roger Leroy’s birthday spaghetti in clear view of the staff while she and I split a combo platter. He wanted spaghetti, she wanted lasagna.

Are we really that big of restaurant rule rebels when we switch plates? He always gets a little paranoid and we always get hysterical watching him stress about our plate switching and overall bad behavior.

We just speculated out loud on what he thought The Spaghetti Warehouse Police might say if they caught him eating her spaghetti.

Home

The dogs might have been happier to see them than we were.

Maybe it was a tie.

We are all glad they are home with us safe and sound.

Wizzy also shared that she couldn’t wait to see it rain. It never rained while they were gone. I was pretty sure we could accommodate that wish and within hours of being home, she got her wish.

They turned their chairs to the window and sat still for at least 5 minutes watching a storm blow in and the rain beat down.

They set a personal record and stayed home until 8:30pm and then the call of Taco Bell was too much to stand.

Wizzy ended the day with this touching Facebook update for the world to read…

And, for the record, it was all our fault. Well, mostly her Dad’s fault.

I’ll take the blame for other things in day two and day three.

A few more fun things to share this week about their homecoming.

But first up, we need to get down to the serious stuff…it’s officially day four and we’re watching The Bachelorette together tonight.

Woo-hoo!

The Bachelorette ~ Week 5

Amazing. Incredible. Extraordinary. Insane.

Ali has a large, descriptive vocabulary. Well-suited for her new career as TV entertainment journalist.

The love poem segment made me cringe.

Frank – hot tip for next poem…

Don’t include the past love you went abroad with and had your heart broken in the poem about the new girl.

One on one date with Kirk – I’m still not sure about the whole health scare story. Is he okay now? They do seem to have chemistry. Still my pick for the final three.

My only group date comment: What kind of horses were those? They looked like Shetland Ponies and I’m pretty sure you’re not suppose to ride them unless you are two and at a carnival. They definitely looked too small to hold adult people. Poor Craig had a miniature pony for sure!

Stalker Central

Kasey came on the show to retrieve his lost man card but sadly, he left without it. I’m not sure he’ll ever find it.

Guard and protect are two key words that Ali should take very seriously.

Upon the big reveal of The Tattoo, I think Ali really struggled to not scream at the top of her lungs,

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”

Instead she politely said “Your mom is going to kill you.”

Nice save.

Now call the police and ask them to guard and protect you indefinitely.

Pretty sure her snot was freezing in her scarf as she hid her face while she contemplated her safety if she gave Justin the rose.

What if Kasey killed them on top of that glacier and no one ever found their bodies?

Oh wait, this is all being filmed so we are safe.

Unless he kills the camera crew too.

Before the rose ceremony…

Frank crying and Ali liking it was all wrong.

She wants these guys to beg to get to love, love, love her.

Icky.

Craig drawing his own tattoo was kind of funny and they’ll be friends forever.

Chris N. – Who was this guy? How did he slip in without the show producers noticing? He talked twice. The poem and the end. Which, coincidentally, were the only times he talked in five weeks.

He forgot his lines in the poem reading. Did someone say they had to memorize it?

“He’s so funny” is what past girlfriends would tell her about him.

FUNNY? SERIOUSLY?

That was awkward.

Ali’s poker face is not holding up too well. Now that was funny.

I hope he rewinds the tape when he gets home because he said he thought it felt NATURAL and he was confident he was getting a rose after they sat four feet apart on the couch and hugged without any body contact which is actually impossible.

I’m still feeling awkward about it.

Chris L. – He’ll collect garbage and live in San Fran with her. Confident without being cocky. He’s still in my top three.

Roberto – Ali asks, “Would you have approached me if we weren’t in this setting?”

I thought that was a great question…until she followed up with “I would never have talked to you. I would have thought you were too hot for me.”

“Can I reveal more of my insecurities about myself to the world? Does this make me more lovable and cute? Should I wash my hair this week?”

This is a teachable moment for mothers and daughters and I need to discuss this whole exchange with the darling twins.

Thank you Dr. Chris Harrison for evaluating the patient and diagnosing her fear of love and how she has to “let it go.”

Trust yourself Ali.

I think she’s cured because the doctor reality TV host called her out on the fear that “is such a controlling factor” in her life.

Do we all feel better now?

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