Archives for February 2010

Quality Control Issues

I love to save money whenever possible. Who doesn’t? Especially these days!

But I’m not afraid to say I’m a brand snob about certain things. I won’t do generic to save pennies or even quarters on certain items. Mostly health and beauty items as well as some food items.

I’ve always been impressed with the quality of the store brands of one of my favorite shopping places…Target! Who the heck doesn’t love Target?

Imagine my surprise when I pulled this out of my Tar-jay kleenex tissue box last week.

Ahem. Is that painter’s tape holding the tissue together?

Did a human or machine include it in my box?

Of course, I had to photograph it. And summons PhilBillPaul to inspect it.

I realize it is not a dead rodent or a smashed bug which would totally have put me over the edge.

Still, I’m concerned. The box is about three quarters used. Not like the last tissue in the box. Which would also be disturbing.

Are they taping tissues together on the production line?

Should I return the whole box which was in a package of 3 boxes?

Should I write a letter to Target and kindly request a lifetime supply of tissues?

Or should I just blog about it, throw it away and move on?

Weigh in please. I respect your opinions, my friends.

Especially after you all agreed with me on the Team Tiger debacle. 😉


In the Weeds

Surely, you didn’t miss the top news story on Friday (that shouldn’t have been the top news story).

Don’t panic, I won’t be regularly reviewing the behavior of professional athletes. I just couldn’t let this one go because I’m such a huge golf fan.

Photo courtesy of powerbooktrance

How do I apply to be part of Tiger Woods Damage Control Crisis Management Team?

First, let me address the positive points. Okay, make that point.

The only thing I did agree with – that the media should not chase Tiger’s children or wife because of his grave mistakes.

Here are a few suggestions if I were on Team Tiger’s P.R. staff:

•Hire people who will tell you the truth.

Typically, these would be old, married women/mothers (like me) who are not speechless in the presence of your self-perceived greatness.

Having “yes” people falling all over you is that last thing you need right now.

•Speak from your heart, don’t read from cards.

Use a bullet point list with keywords to trigger your memory.

Come on, are you telling me you can’t memorize your heartfelt apology but you can memorize every golf course, every shot you’ve ever taken?

Seems like it would be a perfect time for you to use that steely determination and ice cold competitive edge to stand up and take your punishment.

Lose the script ~ no one wants to hear a highly scripted apology. You actually had to look down at your notes to remember the 2nd descriptive adjective your team had written about Elin.

•Work on your level of sincerity.

You’ve been arrogant for so long it’s time for some real sincerity and that takes a lot more change and practice. I just didn’t feel it.

Is there a rehab for celebrity arrogance?

Tiger’s Special Rules

You said you thought your success and life of privilege led you to think you could live by a different set of rules.

Your well-orchestrated apology with all your special rules like banning most of the media and handpicking your audience shows that you still think you have a separate set of rules.

We all know that the media wouldn’t be banned if you were making some big golf announcement.

You have impacted the lives and livelihood of others with your poor choices and your giant ego.

You have tarnished the game of golf — one of the last of the sports that we can still refer to as a “gentleman’s game.”


Yes, you are held to a higher standard than the rest of us.

Because that’s what happens when you choose to become a sports star, sign million dollar endorsement deals trying to influence our buying decisions and become a billionaire.

Believe it or not, there are more important things than the public hearing about your marital problems. But as voyeurs into the life of the rich and famous, it comes with your job. You chose this life and you chose the behavior.

You can’t keep it all private when you left a trail of evidence for the world to see and hear. Your lack of discretion has created a sad and nasty peek into your life that frankly, none of us ever wanted to know about.

Own it.

Stop trying to control everything.

Start being human.


Tired and Listless

How would we know if The Grunter has mono?

He’s been tired and listless for years.

He goes at one speed.


Like father, like son. No truer words have been spoken.

Happy and relieved to report that his blood test from Monday’s doctor appointment came back normal.

I had flashbacks of days with toddlers and sleepless nights, after he woke me up at 3:00 am and 5:30 am Wednesday night/Thursday morning with Scary Baby joining me in bed at 5:45 am.

I’m way too old for this.

Please remember that he is TWENTY years old.

The Grunter told me his throat was swelling shut and he could barely swallow. He and Scary Baby share the “drama gene” so I did what I do best. In my most caring nurse’s voice I said:

“Sip water from a straw and go back to bed and we’ll call the doctor when they open.”

Side note: When he was 3 years old, he fell out of his bed in the middle of the night and hit his head on his dresser. In the dark, we told him to go back to bed. In the morning we discovered he had a huge goose egg on his forehead. Please don’t call DFACS, I’m pretty sure the statute of limitations has run out. The guilt has not.

After a re-evaluation appointment, it seems he does have a raging case of tonsilitis and they are almost touching. Total heebie jeebies.

A new antibiotic and a steroid shot in his rear we think he’s on the upswing.

Praying for sleep for all of us this weekend! Have a good one…


Random Happiness

Excerpt from my Monday post…

I want to move to Hawaii.

I’m psychic.

Because Hawaii was just named Happiest State to live in.

Photo courtesy of Randy Son Of Robert

Which led me to ponder…

Is Happiness really a state of mind. Or just the state you live in?

If I move to Hawaii will I be happier?

Top 10 Happiest States

The top 10 states and their average well-being scores (out of a possible 100 points):

  1. Hawaii: 70.2
  2. Utah: 68.3
  3. Montana: 68.3
  4. Minnesota: 67.8
  5. Iowa: 67.6
  6. Vermont: 67.4
  7. Colorado: 67.3
  8. Alaska: 67.3
  9. North Dakota: 67.3
  10. Kansas: 67.2

I find it fascinating that the other 9 states listed all have full blown winters so perhaps that seasonal affect disorder that I’m sure I have is really a myth. Hmm.

Georgia ranked 25th with a score of 66.1. I guess that’s why I’m moderately happy.

Out of curiousity, do people get depressed when they find out their state is in the bottom 10?

Go check out where your state falls on the list and let me know if it matches your state of happiness.

Bad TV that makes me happy

I also admitted on Monday that I actually watch The Bachelor.

Please don’t hold it against me.

And if you don’t watch, you can stop reading right now and move on to the next item on your “to do” list. I like to save you time whenever possible.

In true confessions form, I don’t think I’ve missed a season even though I swear every season that I’m not watching it again. My friend Nancy and I have been re-capping it from the beginning.

The last two seasons I let the darling twins watch it with me.

Side note: We had pretty strict TV rules until about 10th grade which is about the time we also lost control as parents and became the stupidest people they know.

The show has so many great teachable moments about dating that I consider it an educational tool. Well, that and it also has tons of comedy that makes us love our DVR pause and replay feature even more.

I know I’m weighing in late in the season to give my opinion but I’m compelled to share my psychic predictions about who Jake picks.

Now that he’s down to the final two – I pose the same question to the darling twins that I ask myself.

“Which person do you want to bring home to your parents and will fit in with your family, friends, lifestyle and personal values?”

Deep I know.

So will it be Tenley?
Pretty, sweet, divorced, hurt, still reeling from divorce, insecure, divorced, a wee bit of a whiner, awkward dancer, oh and she is divorced in case you didn’t catch it because she mentions it about every other sentence in every freakin’ episode.

Or Vienna Sausage?
Young, strange, immature, crazy eye, lives in swamplands of Florida, strange relationship with her father, lovely tattoo, strange hair color, wee bit of a beer gut, Hooters waitress.

Psychic Prediction: He picks no one.

Please Jake, pick no one.

Okay, maybe not psychic…more like wishful thinking.

Don’t forget to leave a comment and tell me what state you live in and how happy you are!


Freeze at the Humpfreeze

Mini life update from the Humpfreeze house…

Flooded basement from all the rain.

PhilBillPaul has been sucking up gallons of water for over a week.

Rain turned to snow.

Blizzard in Atlanta. FOUR INCHES OF SNOW. (In case you didn’t hear.)

Okay, maybe it was more like two inches.

Scary Baby loved it! Poor southern snow-deprived child.

I want to move to Hawaii.

The Pumpkin has been sick for a week. We hope it’s not mono.

The darling twins and I have to discuss and review our favorite comedy TV show {The Bachelor} long distance now. They are settled and doing well in Arizona.

The Olympics are on and I have to watch all these winter sports I never watch except when the Olympics are on.

Thanks Karen for the heads up on my favorite Oompa Loompa who will be competing on Wednesday!

Straight from his website…

Louie will line up at the top of the superpipe among all of the snowboard Olympic athletes on Wednesday February 17th for the 2010 Winter Olympic Halfpipe finals. The event will be televised LIVE on NBC beginning at 8PM PST.

Obviously, I’m booked solid this week. Are you watching the Olympics? What’s your favorite event?


Good Food, Good Friends, Good Game

Some people plan their blog posts.

Some people are organized.

Some people take pictures of the food before people start eating it.

Who are those “some people”?

Then I remind myself {again} that this is not a food blog. I’m slow like that.

We did change up our Annual Humpfreeze Superbowl Party tradition since the darling twins are in Arizona and The Grunter had to work.

Scary Baby carried on the sign making tradition.

She wanted her sisters to see that she managed without them.

We carried on the Knox Blox tradition.

She helped with the important toothpick pennants.

It was very nice for our Indiana friends to invite us over to cheer on the Indianapolis Colts for Superbowl last night.

Otherwise it would have been a tiny party of three at our house.

A few appetizers and some blue popcorn and pretzels drizzled in blue were transported over along with our Knox Blox.

Side note: The desserts were not half eaten when we arrived.

There was a ridiculous amount of delicious food which is mandatory for Superbowl parties, isn’t it?

And if the Colts had to lose, it was to a very well-deserving team. The New Orleans Saints really shined and that city is so worthy of the victory!

Good food, good friends, good game…it was a good weekend.

How was yours?


Broken Snuggie

The Grunter insists The Snuggieâ„¢ that Granny sent him is broken.

How is the multi-million dollar blanket defective, I asked him?

“Air passes through it and it doesn’t keep me warm.”

I’ve never wanted to wear a blanket so I wasn’t that attracted to their biggest marketing feature. (Remarkably similar to a poncho…which I also never wanted to wear…even though it seems to have made a fashion comeback.)

Admittedly, the cheetah print is very fashion-forward.

But seriously…what’s the point of a blanket that doesn’t keep you warm?

Anyone else have a broken Snuggie or did The Grunter get the only defective one?


Play-Doh or Fondant

Play-Dohâ„¢ wasn’t on her Christmas list.

Fondant was.

Or as she says “Fon-daunt”

A few too many episodes of Cake Boss has got Scary Baby wanting to bake and more importantly, wanting to decorate baked goods.

Finally, this weekend I told her we could make cupcakes so she could use her Fondaunt.

Even though I knew it wouldn’t taste good. And she insisted it would.

We whipped up a batch of lemon cupcakes. High marks for adding lemon jello to your lemon cake mix to make it more lemon-y. I’m sure lemon-y is a word. Warm cupcakes got an A+

Next we discover we don’t have enough powdered sugar to make buttercream frosting. Yeah, that’s me – the mom who doesn’t embrace projects for this very reason. We’re always missing some key ingredient or craft item and the project takes double the time which does not equal double the fun.

After a run to the store, I will admit that I made the best buttercream frosting ever. Recipe was on Pioneer Woman {where else?} and is actually what Bakerella uses with some of her beautiful creations. I did add a little less than a teaspoon of lemon flavoring to the teaspoon of vanilla flavoring which made it light and lemon-y and extra delicious. Scary Baby and PhilBillPaul agreed.

Sorry, no pictures of the frosting.

She then took over and embraced the final details of her fondant project.

Not too bad for her first try.

But I did catch her hiding the fondant in her napkin to throw away.

Ahem…doesn’t taste so good…does it?

I recommend sticking with Play-Doh. Why ruin good food?


The Leaving

Last week I said to PhilBillPaul,

“I hate it when they are home. I hate it when they leave.”

Their leaving last week caused a wee bit of stress.

Understatement of the year.

Stress that only parents can understand. And even then, some of you don’t know what I’m talking about. Maybe because your darlings haven’t left yet.

The darling twins are now gone for five months. I’m equating this departure to a semester abroad. Except they are in Arizona. So I guess it’s a semester out west. 😉

They will thrive and shine. They will be fine. Because we have prepared them for life in ways I’ve seen many of their peers are not prepared. For that, we are grateful.

We know they are equipped with life skills and life lessons. Even though they choose not to use those skills here at our house.

Roger Leroy sent me this text tonight just as I was about to write this…

“You not sharing any life lessons lately is bothering me.”

Funny kid.

I don’t like the blog pressure. Funny thing about the blog is that when I don’t write, people worry.

Sweet, kind people who wonder if something is wrong.

A few emails. A few phone messages.

As if my silence might indicated that my feet have been dangling dangerously close to the edge of The Black Hole.

Or that I may have set a personal record and taken xan*x three days in a row.

Side note: I’m not spelling the drug name out any more as it seems to attract spammers offering me all kinds of interesting pharmaceuticals.

I’m fine, fine, fine. I promise.

I’ve just been really busy doing some blog design work in between recovering from the holidays and spending quality time with the family.

I do miss them when they aren’t here. I really do.

Since this blog is really my online family photo album and my personal therapy, I’ll share this tiny glimpse of what I don’t and won’t miss…

Photos compliments of Scary Baby because I couldn’t bear to look again.

Oh yes, that is my precious little blue bug (that Wizzy is in the process of buying) and that is where a passenger is suppose to put their feet.

Why yes, that is chocolate milk and orange juice. And marinara sauce on the floor mat, I think. For the record, in an attempt to make me feel better, Wizzy did say it was OPT…Other People’s Trash.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I did cry. And scream. A lot.

Another proud week at the Humpfreeze.

Note to darling twins: I did refrain from posting pictures of your room (again). Or your laundry. Where Dad found a clean stack of clothes still folded in the bottom of one of your hampers tonight covered with dirty clothes you left here. Nice.

Just want to keep it real.

Where is that prescription bottle?


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