The Black Hole, Part Three

I went home from that appointment and I’m pretty sure I crawled into bed and took a long nap. Sheesh, it was a big day for me–showering and driving to the doctor and all. I might have had to stop and put gas in the car. I can’t really remember.

I spent another month in bed considering taking the pills but knowing if I just got a little more quality sleep time, I would snap out of this and everything would be okay.

I made weekly appointments for some talk therapy. I went. The therapist gave me words of affirmation and quality time (my main love languages).

Side note: If you haven’t ever read Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate I highly recommend it. It has been extremely helpful in all my relationships, not just marriage.

Okay, I do know she was getting paid to give me quality time and words of affirmation are really part of her job description. But I did feel better for at least an hour or two. She also thought I should seriously consider taking the medication.

I went home from those appointments and climbed back in bed to sleep because I was exhausted from actually going somewhere. And not sleeping at night.

Another month went by and nothing much had changed. So I made the decision to try the pills.

Please understand my hesitation in taking the pills was not because I am anti-meds. If it works, give me two! My hesitation was in my previous experience of taking a short six month ride on another anti-depressant when my dad was dying and Scary Baby was just 8 months old.

That prescription certainly took the edge off and kept me functioning at a time in my life that I really needed to be “present and accounted for.” But it also made me very, very flat. I am the first one to admit that I like to FEEL my emotions–I love to laugh and I’m not opposed to a good cry. With the drug, I did neither.

Side note: I was very, very agreeable and PhilBillPaul liked that a lot. He could barely get me to argue or squeal about anything. Very sad for me. I missed that part of me.

So I decided to make the commitment and started to take the pills as instructed. It takes at least 4 to 6 weeks to get the drugs into your system at the proper dosing.

Nothing…no change. Except I was more tired which seemed almost impossible. Not being able to sleep at night, I was staying up till the wee hours of the morning and then having vivid, 3D dreams that were not peaceful or soothing in any way.

That was the single most disturbing side effect because even though I’m aware that I have many, many issues–sleep was never one of them. I could get a job as a professional sleeper. It is a skill I have carefully honed. I know I need a minimum of eight hours with a nap or two if possible. I’m the person who can sleep standing up if there is no place to lie down.

Except then I was freaking out because I was not getting any uninterrupted sleep. It was much, much worse than the “new, crying baby, no sleep” mode. Why? Because I was a lot younger then. And my babies were put on an excellent sleep schedule and adhered to it. And because if there was one time I was a really good mother, it was when they were infants.

Ten weeks later. I’m not sleeping, I’m farther down in the black hole and it was time to call the doctor again.

To be continued…

P.S. Did you watch the Superbowl?

Even non-football fans had to hear about what an amazing game it was!!!!

I have a tendency to root for the underdog unless a favorite team is playing. This year it was unanimous at our house – we all cheered for the New York Giants. That fourth quarter play when Eli Manning broke free and completed the pass to David Tyree made them winners in my book right then. Ahh, but then they scored the winning touchdown moments later and it was one of the best, if not the best Superbowl ending that I can remember.

Banner by Wizzy and Scary Baby.

Back-to-back Manning brothers Superbowl victories has to be so sweet for their whole family. What an amazing story for the history books.

Side note: Do you think the assistant principal ever called their mom? Just curious…

Our local grocery store was out of Carvel football cakes. Did all you local people go buy one after my post on Friday?

Scary Baby was disappointed but she managed to eat enough Ritz® crackers, squirt cheese and cheetos to compensate for the missing cake.

The raspberry double decker Knox Blox were scrumptious.

Funny how a silly little thing done while you’re single with a few goofy friends becomes an unbreakable family tradition.

The silly things can become the important things. Sometimes our simple traditions are exactly what we need when things get stressful…

Answer to one burning question…

Wow, my plan to have lighthearted and funny posts on Monday has already been derailed.

Finding the funny becomes difficult when your children display poor judgment and make bad decisions.

When the assistant principal calls you on Friday afternoon to discuss discipline problems about two of your four children, the Superbowl party weekend takes on a different tone.

I’ll save the details of the school problems for later. Perhaps later will be when they are married with teenagers. I’m not making any promises though. I can only say that I will respect their privacy for now.

Here’s the thing about teenage problems vs. toddler problems. The timeout chair doesn’t work anymore. The consequences are much longer lasting. The impact of their poor judgment can affect more than just your immediate family.

It is also a time when you, as the parent, question all that you have tried to teach and wonder if they’re going to make it in the world.

Then you have to dig deep to find the consequences to match the actions. And follow through.

Because in the end, following through with the discipline with your kids means more than a minor inconvenience for the parents.

Because putting them on restrictions puts the whole family on restrictions.

For those of you who are still in the toddler or tween stage and haven’t made it to the teen years, it’s like staying home to potty train but oh, so much worse. Because they’re not so cute and funny anymore.

But you know that this really is about teaching them life lessons.

And those monotonous days you wanted to change are the days you wish you could bring back.

“Sure, I’ll read Green Eggs & Ham again.”

I bow to those of you who have made it through this stage.

I wish I had some great tips for those of you approaching this stage.

But in the words of my good friend Ann, “I got nothing.”

And this weekend revealed the answer to the burning question on our Happy New Year card:

Why do we take more pictures of
our two wiener dogs than of our kids?

Because right now, they are cuter and they don’t talk back.

Life Lesson (LL): Just when you relax and think things are going well, teenagers will remind you that they were just lulling you into a false sense of security to see if you’re still paying attention. Especially when you thought you were already paying attention!

Share a Life Lesson (SALL): I am open to (and openly begging for) any constructive suggestions on making it through these teen years without becoming a bitter old woman with a substance abuse problem. Give yourself and your kids code names if necessary just share, please share…

Superbowl, Knox Blox & Traditions

What the heck are Knox Blox? I think that’s plural. It’s not Knox Bloxes, is it?

Okay, I’ll share what they are and how important they are to our family and our Superbowl tradition.

It’s a spin off of an informal party I used to have with friends in Tampa before children. Just a gathering around the TV with good food and good friends.

We have a party with the kids. It started as a silly little thing I thought they might like even though we watch way more basketball than we watch football. For about 10 years now, the kids pick a team to cheer for and they make banners and hang them in the family room.

I believe banner skills have dramatically improved over the years or maybe we were just out of markers that year? I won’t bore you with banner photos from every year but…The Grunter must have had some extra free time in 2004 as he seemed to really put his mad artistic skillz into play on this banner.

I had to display last year’s banners because it was a Midwestern girl’s football dream with the Indianapolis Colts and the Chicago Bears matched up! (And we had obviously replenished our marker supply.)

After the banners are made, we get really serious because we are ready to do what we do best…EAT! Everyone gets to pick a favorite snack or appetizer and the big thrill for the kids – they get to eat in the family room. Every once in awhile, you gotta break your own rules. Truth be told, they break this rule a lot more now but that’s another post for another day.

Scary Baby is NOT eating a chicken wing, is she? Calm down, of course she’s not. She’s only two in this picture. We wouldn’t let a toddler eat a chicken wing. That’s a tortilla chip and I’m pretty sure she had enough teeth then to chew it up and not choke. I think.

I try to avoid cooking on this day. I’m not opposed to turning on the oven, so frozen appetizers might make the menu. I’m always looking for easy and simple so we like to order wings and our favorite Mexican cheese dip and chips. Sometimes PhilBillPaul will drive to two or three restaurants to pick up everyone’s favorites. Because he’s like that. (He really does have a servant heart.)

Roger Leroy always requests “squirt cheese.” Yes, I’m talking about that gourmet cheese in a can with a squirt nozzle just like the “whupped” cream that Scary Baby loves. Oh yeah, we are FAN-CEE like that!

If “squirt cheese” is making you kind of queasy and you are feeling adventurous and want to try some new recipes, check out The Pioneer Woman Cooks because she has compiled her extravaganza and just seeing the pictures will make you hungry!

For the kids, it’s not about the football. It is really all about the food, family and the most important thing…

It’s really all about…

The Knox Blox.

Notice the tiny team pennants adorning the Knox Blox.

They’re optional.

Are you positive they are sisters twins?

As you can see we put a lot of time and energy into which flavor and color matches which team.

I make the final decision on which color gets to be the DOUBLE DECKER Knox Blox (my personal fav because whipping cream in anything is never a bad thing)!!!

Now I know you’re dying to get the recipe for Knox Blox because you can plainly see these are not your ordinary gelatin treats. I have posted the recipe as a separate post so you can print it and add some color and fun to your Superbowl party!

I need to confess that I made these Knox Blox with the pennants before I had kids. So now you know I was super fun even before I had kids.

Did I mention that the Knox Blox do not count as our mandatory dessert? Scary Baby’s favorite? The football ice cream cake by Carvel…

No Carvel where you live? Oh, I hate that for you. Don’t despair, you can go to your local grocery or bakery and get some classy dessert like this:

Life Lesson (LL): The most important thing is just to have a party even if you’re not a football fan. Because the fun is in the food, family and friends!

Share a Life Lesson(SALL): Do you have a Superbowl tradition? Any fabulous recipe you can share? We’re always looking for new ideas to add to our upscale party so come on, let us in on what you do at your house!

Knox Blox & Double Decker Knox Blox

I’ve been making these lovely little colorful treats since I was babysitter way back when. I’ve yet to meet a kid who doesn’t love these. Adults don’t want to admit it, but they love them too.

These are vintage recipes as you can see from the condition of my original recipe cards.

Our way: We do the opposite of what the recipe says. We pour the mixed dry gelatin into the boiling water that is in a large glass liquid measuring cup and stir with a small drink whisk until everything is dissolved. There are less lumps this way. In our area, Kroger has a store brand unflavored gelatin with 24 envelopes in a box. We always have the ingredients on hand to make these.

Knox Blox

Double Decker Knox Blox

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